My mom is great except for one thing. If you (son or daughter of hers) walks in she'll tell you you are fat, or need a haircut or are gaining weight excessively flat out and passionately. She'll criticize you when you are close by to her so that you won't go near her or want to be part of her. I can't stand it.
One time I asked her why doesn't she criticize the neighbor across the street, and she said no, I care about my family, not the neighbor. Does that mean she respects the neighbors better than she does her own family. She also likes to bring shame down upon us if we don't behave well, like if we don't say please, excuse me, and she'll basically pound your head and say shame on you for not behaving and so forth never ending... Your thoughts.
2007-08-08 06:47:37 · 17 answers · asked by Born Valentine's Day 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Is your mother from the Phillipines?
Edit: I only ask because I have an aunt from the Phillipines and she is just like this, I know of no one else like this. Just curious.
2007-08-08 06:50:29 · answer #1 · answered by socmum16 ♪ 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I have an Aunt like that it drives me nuts too ( she is not Christian)
like someone else said she has some anger or bitterness from the past. Maybe she doesn't feel good about herself.
Its sad. My Aunt also brings up the same stuff about the bad things I did when I was 3 or so every time we have a get to gather.
I just pray for her everytime I think of her because she is a good woman. And she Raised me for the first couple of years of my life. I do have respect for her. and that will never change.
2007-08-08 14:00:17 · answer #2 · answered by Bobbie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She appears to be one of those people who actually believes that nagging, shaming and correcting is her JOB. And that it will bring about the desired results !! What it brings about is resentment and a strong desire to 'get away' from her and her poisonous tongue.
My conjecture is: it was done to her and it's all she knows. But shame is corrosive, it 'eats away' love feelings like a bad acid.
Do you have an ally with an older brother or sister, how about the man of the house, if he's there. You could find a counselor, do an intervention on mom and get her and/or the family into some guidance and counseling.
2007-08-08 13:55:57 · answer #3 · answered by Bill S 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This is a rather odd way to show love...as a matter of fact, it doesn't. I suspect for whatever reason, she believes it does.
It would be just as easy to grab the wind, to make her understand(inside) that criticism is hurtful.
But, that's the task at hand.
A real sit down talk is in order, and I would hold her to the point of explaining WHY she thinks hurtful criticism is a way of showing "Care" for a person.
What? She knows so much?
2007-08-08 14:23:24 · answer #4 · answered by Jed 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She is afraid of what other people will think of her, as a mother, if they see her children being imperfect. She's skewed her priorities as a Christian (if that is what she is). It's easy for some people to do...
Her parents were probably very critical of her, and now she can't let go of the idea that everyone is standing by criticizing her... and she feels that her children's behavior is a reflection of her own imperfections, which she can't accept.
Rather than being critical of your mother, try to tell her that you love her just the way she is, and that Jesus loves her just the way she is. Find as many pieces of literature that you can that will help her to accept herself as she is, and stop imagining that other people are judging her. Then she will stop being so critical of you.
2007-08-08 13:59:38 · answer #5 · answered by MumOf5 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you could convince her to promote her views in a more tactful, sensitive manner. Maybe she feels being mannerly is not necessary for family members because they are aware that she cares for them and she is just saying what she feels needs to be said. It's probably a mix of insensitivity, overly critical, with a little bit of the truth hurts.
2007-08-08 13:52:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she thinks being a mom gives her the
authority to criticize and ridicule her family.
I think it is unacceptable behavior on her part.
It is Mom's job to set the example for the family,
not dictate how to act.
Maybe you can have a talk with her and explain
that it bothers you.If you think that will make things
worse for you, then try not to be in public places
with her.Try to be patient,and remember that she is
mostly shaming herself.
2007-08-08 14:12:11 · answer #7 · answered by Vermillion 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She cares about you guys and just wants you to be the best you can be. If it is really bad why don't you tell her that you understand why she says these things but you would appreciate it if she didn't go overboard.
2007-08-08 13:52:09 · answer #8 · answered by eyesontheprize 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a sociopath.
I have a friend who's mother is like that. She's pretty paranoid and delusional to boot. And I hate to bring this up, but guess who is acting more and more like her with each passing year?
2007-08-08 13:51:44 · answer #9 · answered by Peter D 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i'm assuming her kids are adults. if she says you are fat, tell her you get it from her. if she says you need a haircut, say i know...i just wear it shaggy because i want your attention. if you make a joke of it she may start to see how rude she has been.
2007-08-08 13:54:01 · answer #10 · answered by ♨UFO♨ 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋