I am so jealous of my boyfriend's ex-wife. I know it is wrong, but it drives me insane. I am upset that he married her, I don't think that he can outdo his wedding. It sounds like it was a beautiful wedding, the kind I would have wanted. However, he had that moment with her and it can't be repeated, imitated or reproduced. I am afraid that if he proposed I would be unhappy, that it would feel like when somebody already wasted the "surprise" for a party on someone else...then you walk in and get the afterwave "awe...surprise!!!". So I think I have some psychological issues, or at the minimum extreme low self-esteem...obvoiusly. It all makes sense, I was sexually abused when I was 7 years old. Sometimes I think I may have Borderline Personality Disorder. Anyway, I love him and he's a great guy. I don't want to hurt him anymore...I have issues. So I think of leaving him quite often. He deserves better, he deserves a good wife. The problem is..I think he already had her.
2007-08-08 06:30:46 · 5 answers · asked by Who C 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Yes, he wanted to propose before and still wants to. I told him that we should wait to be more stable, emotionally and financially.
2007-08-08 06:47:14 · update #1
The main problem here is that you place very little value on you. You don't see yourself worthy of anything good, therefore it creates an enormous amount of insecurity in you. You must first work to improve your self-esteem before you can see the positive side of anything in your life. I understand where you are because I've been there before but it can get better if you work hard enough. Click on my webpage below to see how to improve your self-esteem. If you cannot do it alone, you may want to think of getting some help.
2007-08-08 07:03:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweety I feel so bad for you, But i do understand how you feel as i never feel worthy enough to be married to my wonderful husband who nursed me for two years as i was left bedridden after an accident and my hubby did everything for me and i have never felt deserving. Its not a nice feeling. But do remember this, your mans marriage fell apart, so there is no way that she was the perfect woman for him and theres no reason why you cant be the perect woman for him even though it doesnt feel like it. Just remeber that our brains are like computers, whatever you program into your brain is what you will create for yourself, so if you are constantly down on yourself you will create low self esteem. Reprogram yoursef, try some affirmations. Stand in front of the mirror and say, I am worthy, i am beautiful, i am lovable and so on. It will feel silly at first but if you keep it up your brain will start to believe it and your attitude will change. dont let yourself drown in insecurity, take control of your life and will yoursef to get better. You must talk about how you feel with your man to and i bet he will also give you positive affirmations, my hubby doesnt go 1 hour without saying something nice about me because he knows that im insecure and is trying hard to help me, im sure if you ask your man he'll do the same, Good luck, Sarah
2007-08-10 09:19:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A very good thing you can do together, is couple's or premarital counseling. Sitting down with a counselor, looking at each of you, your emotional issues, and considering the possibility of marriage. There are excellent tests you can take to assess who you are and where you are in your life, what type of personality each of you has, and with some reliability you can learn what areas you are most likely to struggle the most in.
This is a good thing to do, even before he proposes.
Do remember that a proposal is a question.
You are not required to respond with a yes.
It sounds like he may not be over the relationship with his first wife. Now would be a good time to find that out. Better now than later.
2007-08-08 14:45:58 · answer #3 · answered by Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about how you feel! Don't mention the marriage part to him...if he hasn't mentioned anything about marriage to you yet! They got a divorce for a reason, and only he can decide if the ex wife was the one for him! If I were you...I would talk to someone about your low self esteem! Talk to him! And don't worry about what kinda wedding he had in the past! When you two get married...the day will be perfect for the two of you! Good Luck!
2007-08-08 13:41:38 · answer #4 · answered by Hikapakapee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what really worked for my parents, back in the day? Couples therapy. What you can do is look into a therapist that will work with you separately and then the both of you together. It really save their relationship and it might be a good idea for you too. I completely understand your feeling like you're hurting him with your actions because of your insecurities. But he loves you too and he wants to make it work. My advice is to check it out.
2007-08-08 14:26:34 · answer #5 · answered by PetRescuer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋