People who RSVP and don't show up!?

Question

So my wedding was a few weeks ago and everything was great with no major complaints...for this I am severly greatful and there were a lot of good people who supported us and showed up. But I was looking back at our guest list and comparing with our rsvp list and found that there are about 30 people (good friends and family even) who said they were coming and didn't show. Only about a handful have called with various reasons for their absence, but many have not called, sent a card or e-mail. What is up with that? I mean not to mention it will be ackward to see these people in the future w/o bringing up why they didn't show, but what about the $ we spent on the food that went to waste. I know these were gifts from us as the party-throwers, but don't these people care that we wasted about $600 on the no-shows? I am understanding that things come up but shouldn't these people and all of those who ditched out on weddings should be legally responsible for reinbursment; Judge Judy anyone?

I know this happens all the time to every bride and I am not the only one, but seriously it happens too much. I am not really the type of person who is going to kick someone's a** over it, but it nice to hear other people get upset over it as well. I should have said it is too bad that these people don't reinburse you for your $ and effort. I enjoyed the legal detail someone wrote below, nice touch;) I was just airing my annoyance, I knew some of ya'll would understand;)

Oh, I wasn't going to respond to anyone, but Zacherysmommy...I didn't pay $600 per person, we paid 20, do the math! I just think that if you rsvp 'yes' you have clearly stated that you will be there and if you don't you DO owe us a simple explanation as to why you didn't show when we have provided a dinner in which you said you were coming. Emergencies are acceptable, but 30 people didn't have emergencies. A simple 'no' on the rsvp would have been enough to prevent us from spending 20, not 600$, on your attendance. The four corners of the contract would have been the rsvp card and their signature at the bottom. My thoughts are all in good fun, but I can get just as sh*ty if tempted. To the rest of ya'll have a great day;)

Answer 1

We had the same thing happen at our wedding. We had people RSVP and never show and to top it off they were family members. Unfortunately no one cares about the money the bride and groom or the parents put into a wedding. Yes the situation sucks but I would say move on from it and don't sweat the small stuff. When you do see them let them know how wonderful the wedding was and that they missed all the fun. That's what we did, some of them felt so bad they sent a check in the mail 4 months after the fact. Just remember all the good about the wedding and you will forget about the people who did what they did.

Answer 2

Call them. If you can't reach them or they don't return your calls, Mail them a letter that the guest list is abou to be finalized and that anyone who hasn't RSVP'd by a certain date will not have a seat at the wedding or at the reception. If they do show up after not responding, have some wall room available for them to stand at the back during the ceremony. If they are very close family or friends you can try to accommodate them for the reception, but otherwise you can have the ushers apologize and tell them that you were only able to make your plans based on the people who RSVP'd. After everyone eats, you probably won't ever have everyone seated at once.

Answer 3

Sorry, but a wedding equates to a party you are throwing and you can't saddle the attendees for the price of the shindig even if they said they were going to show up and didn't. Things happen in people's lives and these people couldn't show up.

Should they have called or sent a card and updated you as to their attendance status? Sure, that's the moral thing to do. However, you said that they were good friends and family even, so maybe they were embarassed or felt bad that they weren't coming afterall. Maybe something happened at last minute that changed their plans. You have to remember that although this may be one of the most important days to you in your life, they have their own lives and if something more important to them came up, then they had to take care of it.

I seriously doubt anyone was meaning ill will towards you to make you pay additional money. So you should just take a step back and realize that it's not worth getting this upset over and ruining a friendship or causing a family rift.

Answer 4

That happens to A LOT of people who get married.It happened to me. And that is why some people only invite a small group of family and friends-because they know they will show up. Their money won't be wasted. It's understandable you can't do that if you have a large family and can not invite you're whole family. But, it's the chance you take inviting many people. And even though they are your family and friends, they can be inconsiderate and rude. Some people just don't realize how much money, food was wasted because they said they were coming and didn't.

Answer 5

We do a lot of entertaining at our house, wedding showers, birthday parties etc. What I have come to learn is that some people are just rude. We have cooked enough food for 25 and only 15 show up, etc. So what we have started doing is 1/2 the amount that says they are going to show and cook for that many. So far this has worked out. As far as this being your wedding it was even more rude. However, it has happened and is in the past, so just let it go and don't bring it up. If they bring it up say "I missed you at the wedding."

In general, I think some people think it's okay to just not show up at things, not taking into account that their not showing costs money.

Answer 6

It would be rather tacky to sue people for not showing up to your wedding. No judge (ESPECIALLY Judge Judy) in their right mind would force someone to reimburse you for that expense. Its unfortunate, but that is a risk that everyone takes when they plan an affair like that. You will just have to bite the bullet, accept it and move on. Don't even bother mentioning it to them if you see them, you will not get any remorse or satisfaction from it. Just keep in mind that if you plan on having any future events, that you might consider not inviting those same people. Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 7

Wow 30 people. You have some rude family and friends.

I had one couple who didn't show who RSVP'd, came down with chicken pox. And another who didn't RSVP but told me he had a business trip and didn't know if he could get there on time but I decided to pay for his dinner and his fiance's. We had one uninvited guest. One person brought 2 people as their guest, his adult daughter and her husband.

You are just going to have to let it go at least you know how relaible these friends and family are, that should be worth the $20 a person.

Answer 8

It does happen all the time. I was told to cut 10 to 15% of the people that said YES they were coming. People forget, have things come up or just don't care that you've already paid for their meal. If you see them I wouldn't say anything. Take the high road and just be thankful everything went good and you are now married to the person you love.
Congrats!

Answer 9

Legally, there are probably a couple of theories of contract law that you could use to win a judgment against the no-shows. Practically speaking, it's common for 5% - 10% of wedding guests to not show up. Same thing happened at my wedding, and at every other wedding I've heard of. It stinks, but it's probably not worth the trouble of dragging friends and family into court to recover the costs. Just forgive and forget.

Answer 10

Ah! My sister just went through the same problem. We figured out that people need a strict deadline to RSVP no exceptions this sounds mean but it's your money that is lost. I think it is very rude for people to do this ,when planning a wedding...every penny counts. Hope this helps