Is this offensive to you? Please help!?

Question

Ok - so my mother and I don't see eye to eye - she is a staunch Southern Baptist and I am a Goddess loving Dianic. Anyway, her and I tend to get along - and I love my mom. Sometimes she will talk to me about God, and I let her. I understand where she is coming from in her worry for my soul and we have good discussions and she helps me.

However sometimes she will say VERY offensive things. Normally I just let them roll - like her views on stem cell research, gay marriage - etc.

Well today, don't ask me how we got to this point but she said that the gay lifestyle was being promoted to children and I was like WHAT are you talking about? It's not like they sell lesbian Bratz dolls. And she explained how she saw a book in B&N about mommy and mommy - explaining same sex parenting.

It was probably one of those for kids with two mommies.

I told her I didn't want to talk about it and then she said that the kids are better off "with god then with a gay couple"

Thoughts?

I didn't want to talk about it because there is no changing. I love my mom, but there is no point arguing about it. Sometimes her and I have to agree to disagree.

And I am not an adolescent, lol. I am 26 with a family of my own.

And I didn't tell her she was wrong. I told her I disagreed.

I loved how many of the answers went to bashing me or my mom or Christians in general. This wasn't what I was trying to get after. It was a question I just wanted to see how others responded to check my own feelings on it all.

When I left the conversation with my mom I told her to ask my dad what he thought about her statement and she called me back just now and said she was sorry. She meant with god - but didn't think about the killing part. She ammended her statement to say that they should be in shelters.

Answer 1

I am totally on your side. I don't understand the christian rights evangelicals preoccupation with homosexuals. As if homosexuality is being shoved in everyones faces. Same sex couples are still a minority, and those with kids are an even smaller number.

And what does she mean by "better off with God", meaning better off dead?? That is crazy. It would be better for a child to have loving same sex parents rather than a dysfunctional heterosexual one.

It is just another example of how some people use religion to condone their own prejudices. My grandmother is a devout catholic, but she is still open minded and nonjudmental. All you can do is let your mom know that you two will just have to agree to disagree. There's no changing a person's mind when it comes to religion.

Answer 2

Children are better off in a loving and stable home, whether that home is with a single parent, mother and father, two mothers or two fathers. Would anyone in their right mind really remove a child from a stable home just because it was a gay couple? Where they could become part of our horribly run substandard foster care system? I shudder to think.

She said that kids are better off with God than with a gay couple?? Is that saying that kids would be better off dead?? Because if so, then yes, I find that very offensive.

Most children raised by gay families turn out to be straight. So I really doubt that homosexuality is catching.

Answer 3

The only thing that comes to mind is "to each his/her own"?

I guess it's still true, more wars have been fought over religion than any other reason. I know what you mean though. My mom can be the same way with things. We where visiting her the other day (she is 72 now) with my aunt, my wife and my 16 year old daughter. My mom started in on some stuff and wouldn't let it go. We finally ended up leaving, to avoid a scene.

Answer 4

I think I understand both points here. IF the book is used to help kids understand why they have two mommies (or two daddies), then that is fine with me. On the other hand, if it is used in the school system (in the name of tolerance) to teach all children that it is "normal" to have same-sex parents, then I have a problem with that!

Personally, I think that homosexuality is wrong...it is a decision that goes against the will of God for a person's life. HOWEVER, I do NOT believe that it is MY place to enforce my belief on others. I accept that others believe differently from me...and that some of the things I do are seen as just as (or even more so) wrong in the eyes of others. But I can't claim my own right to make personal decisions without giving that same right to others. I'll concede that many Christians do think that it is OK to condemn homosexuals, but I do NOT feel that way. Thus, I don't object to the existence of that book (or others like it).

HOWEVER, I do believe I have a right to teach my son that homosexuality is the wrong choice and when the school he attends (that I pay for with my tax dollars) chooses to teach something that it contrary to my beliefs, I think that it WRONG! This isn't about "stopping the hate"...I teach my son that it is wrong to hate anybody and that he should not judge others. I don't hate homosexuals and I don't support anyone who does...but I do think that I have the right to teach my son about my beliefs without having to fight the public school system!

Answer 5

Mothers and daughters do that sort of thing even if the daughters remain the religion that their mothers gave them when they were babies. It's the nature of the relationship. My mother used to say nasty, hurtful things to me, too. I think it was because of the way her mother raised her. From the stories my mother told me about my grandmother, it sounded as if my mother was far more manipulative than her mother was in her control.

I admire that you have actual discussions with your mom about your differing religious views and, I assume, other things. My mother and I did this as well. Far too many kids (notice I am not saying "today" because I believe it's been going on for generations) dismiss the views of their parents as antiquated or ill informed. Your mother also sounds a lot more open and progressive than many "die hard Southern Baptists" since she not only tolerates her daughters seemingly betrayal of her beliefs but is willing to have an open discussion about them. (I'm sure you know friends whose parents would have disowned them if they had become Pagans.)

Even so, old habits and thoughts are hard to get rid of, which I think is why your mother, as open and progressive as she seems at times, resorts back to such beliefs. She's a lot farther along than most like her and I'm glad you realize how lucky you are to have a mother like she is.

Answer 6

I understand where both of you are coming from.
And I wouldn't know what to do in your predicament because my mother was killed when I was young so just try to keep peace in your relationship the best you can- if there continues to be tension go your separate ways for a while but Death comes with a punch sometimes we don't know when our time is up. Enjoy what you have together.Honor her where honor is due.
I'm sure its tough my mother-in-law and I are opposite in so many ways but I love her.And I think of her more than our differences- she is a good person.

Answer 7

OK so there are about half of the people who responded here who do not understand that this person's Mom saud

The kids would be better off dead.

that's what she meant.

Now, Put on your thinking cap -- this is the kind of attitude that creates -"honor killings" of daughters who are raped or have sexual relations before marriage
"ethnic cleansing" - "female infanticide"

these are the most horrible things in the human race. And she justifies it by being religious?

This woman's mommy needs a whupping. She has no right to her opinions. She needs her backside smacked with a big old paddle. Just because she's an adult doesn't make her ignorance and hypocrisy anny the better.

Answer 8

She just said the last line more out of her human frustration
that you did not understand her point about the promotion
of the lifestyle (she should not have said that - we all do
that sometimes, though - speak without thinking).
Yes, kids are now encouraged to
experiment with sex, but this is a falsehood that
is being taught. Sex is based too much on emotion.
It has always been to seal a relationship, to make an
existing relationship more intimate, not to start
one! The maturity and commitment always comes first!
This idea has been broken down by the "sexual revolution"
and has lead to all this controversy to begin with.
It's like America worships sex. Ancient religions
used sex as a form of worship, but America
actually worships it! Non-sense!

Answer 9

Obviously, I don't agree with your Mom. It's hard when you're a different faith from the rest of the family. Just remember that her viewpoint is just her opinion. It's what she's been told in Church. Just try to steer her off such conversations whenever possible.

I had an uncle who was a fire-and-damnation Baptist and VERY argumentative. I told him that the only thing wrong with Baptists was that they didn't hold them under the water long enough. He blinked, then roared with laughter. After that we agreed to disagree.

Answer 10

My parents are staunch Mormons and I am a complete Atheist so I can understand where your coming from. My parents are also scared of Gays and stem cell research.

While I occasionally try to convince them the stupidity of their beliefs, I usually don't bother. The reason being that they have evolved their beliefs over their whole lives and changing their minds is pretty much impossible.

All you can do is occasionally put a few logical points in. You should also tell her that you'll respect her beliefs if she respects yours.