Are the parents responsible for paying for the wedding when the bride is almost 30?

Question

My daughter is almost 30, has an 8 year old child and is now talking about getting married. What is the rule of thumb for who pays for the wedding under the circumstances?
Thank you!

Answer 1

At 18 or 80, it is a gift, so your daughter cannot request a gift, but you can offer. So it's really up to you.

Answer 2

Technically, the parents are not "responsible for" paying for the wedding in any case. It's a gift some give to their children, but it's hardly an obligation.

Typically you would sit down with her, her fiancee, and his parents if they are planning on pitching in, and all of you would make up a budget and figure out who would be paying for what.

Traditionally, the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and flowers. The bride and groom pay for the rings, wedding party gifts and rings. The bride's parents pay for the rest. But this is just tradition, and these days, more and more is changing on this, with the bride and groom covering most or all of the wedding expenses.


In answer to Kelsey's question about how often your daughter will get married, my aunt and uncle have paid for weddings for their daughters. One daughter has had three parent-funded "special days" and since she left husband number three for future husband number four (this is her pattern), they're done.

Answer 3

Not at all. Tradition held that the bride's family paid for the wedding when the daughter was going directly from her father's home to her husband's home. Most often, couples are mature adults on their own when they get married.
Especially in your daughter's circumstance, at her age, and with a child - her and her bf are responsible for paying for the wedding themselves. Just be nice when you tell her "no, sorry, honey" when she asks for money. We make our choices in life, and we have to accept the consequences, even if we don't like them.

Answer 4

The bride's parents should not pay for the wedding because they feel like they have to but because they want to and they should only contribute what they can afford. Sit down and see what you can afford to contribute then have a talk with them and tell them, we would like to help pay for the wedding, we can give you $xxxx to go toward what every you need for that day. I am sure they will appreciate whatever you can offer. Just don't feel because youa re helping pay for it that you get to plan it....I hate nothing more then parents that try to change things the couple has put in place and when I tell them no, not without talking to the couple first they get mad and throw it up in everyone's face "but we are paying for it."

Answer 5

I think it would be perfectly fine for you to contribute an amount that you can *comfortably* afford, but you should not be expected to pay for everything. Another idea along those lines is that you could offer to pay for one wedding-related thing for her - such as her dress, or musicians - if you can afford to do so.

The old tradition of the bride's family paying for the wedding originated long ago when brides were very young, lived with their parents, and had no income of their own. Now that people are getting married later in life, the couples pay for many of their own expenses. Parents typically contribute, but are not expected to pay for the whole thing.

I'm the same age as your daughter (almost 30), and my guy and I are paying for almost everything. Our families are very kind and generious, but the two of us are in much better financial shape than our parents. We wouldn't even consider asking them to pay for everything. My mom, however, insists on buying my dress for me! So...I guess we'll be going shopping soon :-)

All the best to you and your daughter.

Answer 6

We have had a daughter and a son get married. I would suggest that if you can afford to, you pay for something. My parents didn't pay for anything, and I still resent it.
I would suggest that you either agree to pay for specific items, for example the reception hall and the food, or give her a specific amount of money and let her spend it however she chooses.
If you are paying for a specific thing, such as the reception hall and food, you then get to decide where to have it, and what to serve. You and the bride and groom can collaborate on the details, but if the hall has three levels of expense as to food, you get to say "We choose Level 2". If the bride and groom want to pay the difference between Level 2 and a more expensive level, they can make that choice.
Get this all ironed out at the beginning. As other posters have said, it's a gift from you to her, so you decide. And don't be ambiguous. When she's planning, she needs to know exactly what you will pay for. If you can only chip in $100.00, she needs to know that.
Hope everything goes well.

Answer 7

There is no set rules. If you have the money and want to pay, go for it. If you don't want to pay, then don't.

There is no rules. Every family and family situation is different. What works for some people doesn't always work for others.

Do what's the best for you. Don't worry about what other people think. Age has nothing to do with wanting to help out your children.

Even if she's 30, giving her money towards her wedding might be her present. It might be a loan. It might be a lot of things.

Answer 8

Absolutely not. Has she already taken a previous walk down in the aisle with that white dress? if so, no. You are not responsible. You may offer to pay for one thing like the cake or maybe even the honeymoon as your gift to them but that is it! She works doesn't she? I believe that for second marriages, the smaller the wedding the better. I am sure she is inviting all the same guests that attended her first wedding and you know what the are thinking? Another gift!!! She should not expect many gifts. Let daddy's little girl and groom-to-be figure this one out on their own.

Answer 9

Regardless of her age, I think maybe helping her out would be the way to go. She should not expect you to pay for everything, especially in this day and age. The bride's parents paying for the wedding is very old school. Try to help her out with some of her costs, and she will be grateful for anything you are able to offer.

=)

Answer 10

I think the bride and groom should pay for the wedding! I decided when I was 22 or 23 that when I got married, my future husband and I would pay for it. Do not consider yourself responsible for the cost, she's almost 30 and has a child, she and her future husband should pay for it!

Answer 11

It is an old notion that parents paid for a wedding. Nowadays, especially where couples are waiting until much older to wed, there is less responsibility on the parents because the children have taken the time to estsablish themselves and can pick up their own tab. Of course parents can help, and should. No longer a requirement, though.