My 5 year old son has a great little friend who he has regular playdates with. The thing is, his mom always wants to take it further, and is constantly ringing up to go for coffee, shopping etc, when the kids are in school. Ok, I'm honestly not a snob, and I've tried incredibly hard to get to know and like this lady, but I just don't have anything in common with her, and to be honest, I just don't like her that much!
If I'm out, she'll keep ringing my cell until I pick up, so she's pretty persistant.
How do I politely distance myself so we just have a coffee when our sons play together?
2007-08-08 05:26:05 · 9 answers · asked by Sonja 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
First of all, if this is a steady play date between the two of you and you're committed to a weekly time here is how I'd handle it.
The next time you see her face to face (do not do this over the phone) look her in the eye and tell her that you are so happy that your children can be friends. That you enjoy having a cup of coffee with her when your children play but that because you do not have the time to extend your friendship between playdates that you apologize. That you ask her to be understanding that the time you have set aside for coffee with her is all the time you have to offer her.
The following time she calls--you can answer her with--"I'm busy right now, can we talk about this when we get together when the children play?" Be consistent and firm--that you are busy and can only chat or make any plans when you see her at the play date.
2007-08-08 05:52:16 · answer #1 · answered by steinbeck11 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You are lucky to have someone who finds you warm and confortable to be with as friends. She sounds like she enjoys your company and wants to be a bit more sincere than just "keeping face" for the kids sake.
I don't know about commonalities between you, other than location, children of same age, motherhood, housewife, and love of coffee. Perhaps you can keep it light, by meeting for coffee and keeping the kids relationship strong.
If she is abrasive or obnoxious, I understand why you don't want to befriend her or let the kids play anymore. Is she?
If she isn't, perhaps her shortcomings can be strengthened by someone she admires...like you! You may be her angel or mentor that she is waiting for in life.
Don't give up on her, you said that you try incredibly hard to get to know her...try harder to know her before you push her away. You may find that she is a friend that you can depend on and grow to like if she admires you this much.
2007-08-08 06:27:58 · answer #2 · answered by joe_on_drums 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Turn things around and ask yourself. How would you feel about your son playing and going around someones house who does not like you? I would very much doubt if I would even allow my son or put him in this situation. It is a shame that your son and his playmates are great friends and you can't find it in your heart to like this person. Sometimes our children can help us to combat and rise above our prejudices. Believe me I know what you are feeling but I don't think it is safe for children to play together if the parents don't really like each other. It becomes very difficult and may cause big problems sooner or later.The children will pick on it sooner or later. I have been there and feelings were hurt very badly. If you can ensure that your dislike of this person will not get in the way of the safety of her child then continue to allow the friendship between the playmates to grow otherwise find a way to tell her how you feel and apologies. The safety and well being of the children are paramount.
2007-08-08 06:21:06 · answer #3 · answered by mothergoose 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I don't know if this is the right thing to do but I don't like to hurt anyones feelings (AND I certainly wouldn't want my child to lose a friend) so I make excuses or simply don't answer the phone. She sounds as though she's borderline stalking you to be friends with her.
P.S. I really like SMAPDI'S answer too.
2007-08-08 05:38:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ring her doorbell, when she answers shovel dog poop onto her shoes (just kidding, that's an old Steve Martin joke). I'd say come up with a project that requires solitude, e.g. tell her you are writing a book about something, researching family history, etc., or try to direct her to some sort of social group since she sounds kind of lonely.
2007-08-08 05:36:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Eventually, she'll get the picture. She's probably desperate for companionship, assuming she's a stay-at-home-mom, it's typical. Be friendly, but continue to be "too busy" whenever she calls and she will give up.
2007-08-08 05:40:12 · answer #6 · answered by SmartyPants 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Always be too "busy" when she calls, she will eventually get the message.
2007-08-08 06:01:30 · answer #7 · answered by Angela C 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
go out with her and kiss her on the lips.
if she thinks you are a lesbian, and interested in her she will feel uncomfortable and won't want to hang out with you anymore.
2007-08-08 05:40:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Tell her you are have another commitment.
2007-08-08 05:29:45 · answer #9 · answered by Gaby 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋