Am I overreacting?

Question

Although my mother in law and my brother in law have always been very loving with my daughters, since my sister in law, who used to live abroad, is back in town they have started to leave my daughters aside. They tell us how they invite our nieces out and take them to special places without inviting our girls. At fist I didn’t mind and thought it was just because they had recently arrived, but this situation has continued for more than six months. Now I find it rude and hurtful when we always invite everyone when doing something special and have all of them in our house very, very frequently. I am really upset with this and my husband says I am overreacting; am I?

Answer 1

You are overreacting.

Answer 2

I have to agree that they are not obligated to do the same for your daughters - it would be nice, though. I do think you are getting too worked up about it at this point. Why don't you try to make casual conversation about it? Next time they bring up anything they have done with your nieces, say "you know that sounds like fun - our girls sure would have enjoyed it as well. Maybe they can join you sometime?". Maybe they don't realize what they are doing - I doubt they are intentionally excluding your kids. I think that you are correct in inviting everyone to your home - it would be petty to stop because of how things are going with the nieces. You have a valid point if your girls (on their own without suggestion from you) are feeling neglected or left out - if not, it comes off sounding like some jealousy. Please do not give me a thumbs down for not sugar-coating it or agreeing with you.

Answer 3

I'd probably be a bit hurt too. If you all live in the same town, I'm not sure why they wouldn't also invite your daughters to go. Now, I wouldn't be upset if they make special time to do things with just your daughters. I know it's hard but try not to be jealous. Life is just too short. Appreciate the time you all have together. Live your own lives and try to not put so much importance on the amount of things they do for you or your kids.

Answer 4

No! I would be pissed too! You could expect a catch up period. After that why can't they take or invite everyone. I would let them know you think it is great you have more family around now but your girls and you are starting to feel like you all were just replacements until the "real family" showed up. Your husband thinks your over reacting because things don't get to men the way they do us or he just doesn't want to stand up for you.
You can either start inviting your self along, confront them, or forget them. I hate it that people can just show their true colors after knowing them for a really long time! The mother in law should love all the kids. Favoritism happens in all families but it doesn't make it any easier to swallow.

Answer 5

If it's been passed 6 months then maybe you should talk to your mother and brother in law and maybe even your sister in law about the problem, but it depends on how your daughters react to it and how old your children and your sister in law's children are. If your daughters are really young and won't remember about the times your mother and brother in law spent with them then until they're older I don't think it's too bad unless it's your own memories that you want to cherish of them with your mother and brother in law. If they are around 5 and older then they might feel left out and if so go with the plan about talking to them. If you already have then keep on urging them to listen clearly on your views.

Answer 6

I think at one time you had your entire family's attention. Now that there are other family members in the picture you have to learn to share the attention. The new folks are going to get more attention right now to welcome them back but things will settle back down again. In the meantime you have to be more understanding and not feel so insecure about not having all the attention on your family. Find other activities for you and your children and take this to introduce something new and mind-expanding in their lives. Click below to read some helpful parenting information on my website.

Answer 7

No, not at all. I completely agree with you. And the fact that they then come and tell you where they have taken the other children is kind of like rubbing salt in the wound. I think that it is very rude of them to not be including your children, and you are a better person than I am because I would have already had to be ugly about it. Its one thing to do something rude to you, but its a whole other thing to do something that is rude towards your children.

Answer 8

Well maybe you are a little but yet they should, but maybe its because they are closer to your nieces and nephews; and not so much your children. Maybe its because they don't think that you guys would let them go with them or something. Maybe your kids are brats.! And they don't want bad seeds running around all over the place!! If you got mad over what I just said yeah you are over reacting about the whole thing.

Answer 9

They don't have to take your children anywhere. You can let them know how you feel. I would feel the same way you do, but remind yourself that they don't have to, explain that you are hurt and give them a chance to be fair and mantain the relationship. If they decide not to, you will have to back off.

Answer 10

Tell them, "So? You took your daughters out and they voiced how happy they were that they weren't out with anybody else but you. And you just got earfuls from them about certain people that shall remain nameless and how they hate going anywhere with them."

Answer 11

She didn't marry the whole family. Also you should not take it as an insult. You are over reacting.