What should I do about the 23 year old guy dating my daughter?

Question

My daughter is 12 years old and he knows how old she is, yet he's dating her and my daughter claims she loves him and so on. He's definately a nice boy (very polite), but he's too old and I know they have been having intercourse beucase I've found alot of used condoms in her room and I've heard some commotion from her room a couple of times when he was in there. I don't want to report it to the police since I don't want to get the boy into any trouble, since they obviously been having sex. What can I do?

P o l i c e = n o

OK. I am asking this question becuase I want to do something about it obviously.

He looks younger and he's very immature. AND I do think it matters that he's a nice boy, a mother could definately find herself with a worse boy dating her daughter. Also, it's definately not rape.

The reason why I will not contact the police is also for the boys safety and not only what my daughter will think of me.

Answer 1

Michelle, it sounds as though you are condoning sexual intercourse between a 23 year old MAN & your 12 year old daughter who is a GIRL. People who have relationships like this are usually referred to as pedophiles. If you will not do anything to discontinue this relationship at the very least put her on birth control pills. THINK about this. Think about yourself when you were 12. This is certainly not in the realm of an average relationship by no means. Help your daughter out before you are raising your grandchild along with your child. Condoms do break & birth control pills do fail.

Answer 2

I am sorry but your daughter is only 12 yrs old what kinda mother would let there daughter be alone in her room with a boy especially being 23 yrs old I really hope this is a joke because I think your crazy if not and then to say you think that there having intercourse because you found used condoms in her room and you did not hit the roof that is what wrong it the kids now days the parents are allowing there kids to do whatever you should not have to even ask this question you as a mother should have never even let you 12 year old daughter be dating a 23 yr old and where is her dad at my daddy would have shoot the guy and grounded me or something no way is a 12 yr old in LOVE yet she should be worrying about school and stuff and people wonder why there is so many teens and young girls getting pregnant and having baby's while there still baby's them self Please get a hold of you girl and straighten this out and never never let her see this boy well I mean man or leave them alone in her room and what do you do when you hear commotion in her room just let them go at it in your house why you set there and hear them no offense but there's something wrong with you for letting this go on

Answer 3

Are you insane? He's a child predator! I have a 12 yr old daughter and there is no way in h*ll I'd let someone rape her!
This is not dating - this is rape. You need to end it. It is your responsibility to be her MOTHER, not her friend.
If the authorities ever find out (and all it will take is this child telling a friend and the friend's parents finding out) they will arrest you too for child endangerment.
What can you do? You can do the world a favor by getting him put behind bars so he can never harm another child again, you can get your daughter some counselling - she will need it desperately after going through this type of TRAUMA and get yourself some parenting classes. Clearly, you have some seriously f***ed up priorities.
I'm sorry to be so hostile - this makes me sick to my stomach. He is not a boy he is a sexual predator and you my friend are as lost as he is, if you don't protect your child and do the right thing. I don't allow my 16 yr old's (17 yr old) boyfriend over without us at home and I certainly would not allow him to go into her bedroom - are you insane???
Think about it. The police will not understand why you didn't protect her and neither will any judge - you will be found just as guilty as he is, except that you didn't commit the act.
Where is this child's father - maybe he is the one who should have custody of her.
Get some help and do the right thing.

Answer 4

You keep referring to this guy as a "boy". He isn't a boy, hes a grown Man. Your daughter should not be dating ANYONE at the age of 12, much less a man TWICE HER AGE. Give him an ultimatum: leave your daughter alone or you call the police. I know you say you don't want to get him in trouble, but why not? He's a pedophile! I suppose you don't care if he ends up raping someone else's daughter, either, then?

Meanwhile, if you don't report him, and someone else finds out...say your daughter gets pregnant, or one of her teachers catch wind of what's going on, then you will also go to jail because you didn't report this. He is committing a crime and you are complacent in it. Call the cops, and get your daughter into councilling. This whole situation is so damaging to someone her age.

Answer 5

A couple of things I see here.

No dad = no male role model. I say no dad because a dad would not let a grown man do this to his daughter. You shouldn't either.

No rules = Pregnant teen that will become rebellious and turn on you.

Have you seen the movie Black Snake Moan? Although not one of the most inspirational movies of all time, there is a confrontation between a young woman who cannot stop having sex with any man, because she was sexually assaulted as a child by her mom's boyfriend on a regular basis while her mom listened and did nothing.

You are your daughter's protector. You are the one who says, grown 23 year old come over to my house and sleep with my daughter in her room and have sex with her and their will be no consequences for your actions. You are letting your daughter be introduced to something she should not be introduced to yet. She should be learning to respect herself and her body. So if this boy is going to be around for much longer the new rule is no entrance to bedrooms. And if you have any ounce of love for your daughter, call this man's family, and the police. He is sick and needs help. Sex with a 12 year old when you are 23 is just a way to manipulate and abuse someone who is younger. Shame on you for letting your daughter even get involved with this man.

Answer 6

This is your baby. She shouldn't be having sex. She shouldn't have any boys in her room at this age. This guy may be a nice guy but the fact of the matter is, is he's molesting/Raping her with your approval. He likes little girls. But if you feel like sacrificing your daughter so that he doesn't prey on any of our little girls then go for it. Some how he has you brain washed (Just like your daughter) into not kicking his a$$ to the curb and calling the police. Where's the child's Dad? I'm telling you, ask any of your adult friends if they would let there 12 yr old date a 23 yr old and have sex with them and see the reaction you get. Get with it Lady, your daughters going to hate you if you turn this guy in and if you don't she's going to end up hating because you didn't.

Answer 7

There's a little tv show on NBC about this very thing. It's called "HOW TO CATCH A PREDATOR." There are "nice boys" all over America like Doctors, Rabbis, Teachers, etc. And just because they are "nice boys" or "upstanding citizens" they get let off the hook, right? UM NO!!!!! It doesn't matter that the sex is "consentual" because in the eyes of the law she is too young to be making that kind of decision. Spare the feelings of the guy....oh that's nice. Don't want your daughter to think badly of you...how sweet. You are an idiot. What do you think that she is going to think of you when she turns up pregnant and he is fast out the door (because yes, he will get in trouble then) and all she has to blame for it is you? She is too young.....YOU are supposed to be her caregiver. You are a pathetic excuse for a mom. It sounds more selfish...all about YOU. how YOU don't want them to think bad of YOU and YOU don't want to get anyone into trouble. HELLO!!!! Your DAUGHTER is in trouble. There is no good reason in heaven, earth, or otherwise that a 23-year-old man would want anything to do with a 12-year-old child other than SEX which he is obviously getting.

Answer 8

By law this isn't just statutory rape it is CHILD rape. A child must be at least 13 to make it the lesser offense of statutory rape. I understand how it is for a mother to want to keep their children happy. But this isn't safe for her, and one day when she is older and in therapy she will be putting the blame on you for not stopping it. She is a child and does not yet know what is best for her. I hope you do. If you don't want this guy going away for a long time. Keep him away from your daughter. Because if a teacher or family member is the one to call the authorities your all in for a long court battle. And if the court finds out that you knew about it and did nothing you will probably be charged w/endangering a minor and your daughter will most likely be taken away from you. Look at the big picture. Her instant gratification is not worth the disaster that this situation could cause.

Answer 9

A 12 year old should not be having sex with a boy of any age let alone a 23 year old man. Are you kidding me? She's a little girl, not a grown women. Your little girl should still be playing with toys and having slumber parties and stuff. You should have never let him in your house, and the first sign of condoms should have meant a series talk and punishment for your little girl and a call to the police (what he's doing is RAPE) You obviously don't seem to care that she's having sex. Do something now before you lose her forever and she loses her childhood forever.

Answer 10

You can't let this man keep sleeping with your daughter. I know it would be hard but you need to put an end to it. She's being molested under your eyes. I know she believes she's in love, but he's an adult and should not be sleeping with a child, let along a 12 year old child. The first thing I would do is sit down with her and explain to her that you love her and that this is not right. That this is child abuse and your job is to protect her, and that sometimes that means doing hard things that she might not like. Let her know that he is going to have to go, that you could call the police, but that you won't, that you're going to speak to him and let him know he needs to leave her alone, but that if he does continue to date her then you will have no choice but to go to the police for help protecting her. Then, immediately call him in, do not give them a chance to talk or plan. Tell him that what he is doing is child abuse. That you are not going to call the police because you love your daughter and she would be very upset if you did, but that he needs to get himself out of your home and away from your daughter. If you see him with her again in any context, even just in the same building, you will call the police so fast that he won't know what hit him.

Honestly, he needs to have the police called, but that could very well ruin your relationship with your daughter, which you do not want to do. Whatever you do decide to do, get yourself and your daughter into family therapy and your daughter into private therapy ASAP. They can minimize the damage to your relationship and the emotional scars that having a relationship with a 23 year old man is going to have on her. Also, if he comes back around and she tells a therapist, they will HAVE to report it, so even if you don't know she'll be protected on that end.