How to pull this off?

Question

My fiance and I are planning our wedding for next spring. Our families are completely different. He comes from a very big Irish, Catholic family, and I come from a small Baptist family. He wants an open bar at our reception, which I am fine with except that my family probably wouldn't come because they don't drink and think that alcohol is a huge sin. so what are we suppose to do?

Answer 1

open bars are a dangerous thing at a wedding. opt for just beer and wine to appease everyone. you don't want the entire guest list getting drunk and stupid on your dime and offending others!!!

Answer 2

I understand where you are coming from because I just recently got married and my husband's family is all about music, dancing, and alcohol. We did some compromises but it comes down to what you want and he wants...not the families. Obviously, you want your family to be there so maybe you should talk it over with family members to get what they think exactly. It may surprise you and they will come either way. My grandparents were the only ones that did not come. I would try to be sure that if you do have alcohol available that you put it away from your family members. Many of my family stated they didn't even realize there was alcohol at the wedding.
Another option is to have your reception separate from a bar. Many hotels have their bar separate which allows guest to go buy alcohol if they want it while keeping it not in the same room. This is what a cousin of mine did and it worked out perfectly--those that wanted it, got it and paid for it and those that didn't, did not.
Also, for our toast, we used sparkling cider and sparkling juice so that everyone would be part of the toasting. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Do members of your family go to restaurants where someone else might order a glass of wine with dinner? Is everyone in his family utterly incapable of going three or four hours without a drink?

Chances are everyone can find a way to deal with whatever you decide. After all, just because there's alcohol on the premises doesn't mean anyone is forced to indulge. I'm teatotal and have been all my life, and nobody has ever forced me to drink champagne - let alone anything stronger! - at a wedding reception. By the same token, I've attended several dry wedding receptions and all the drinkers managed to make it through the afternoon or evening without alcoholic stimulus.

In the end, it's up to you and your intended. It's not up to either family. If you and your guy are both happy with an open bar and can afford to have it, then be my guest and let your family know nobody will try to force anything on them. If he's willing to consider a dry celebration and you wish to do so for your family's sake, then his side will have to accept that they won't have a drink for a couple hours. If you decide to limit the amount and sort of liquor you have available, then that is also your choice.

But if either side puts the question of liquor above you and your intended, then I feel sorry for them.

In short, make your decision, inform everyone involved, and stick to your guns. It's up to them how they choose to respond to your choice...and chances are they'll still come even if they disapprove of this one decision.

Answer 4

The key here is COMPROMISE (get used to it - your getting married)! LOL!!! I think a good way to compromise in this situation is to have an open bar for half of the reception. Maybe open it a half hour before dinner and leave it open until a half hour after dinner? That may be a total of one and a half to two hours, and I am assuming your reception will not last more than 4. Families on both sides need to also understand that this is YOUR wedding! A marriage is not only the "coming together" of two people, but two families as well. Therefore, everyone should agree to be o.k. with a compromise that involves both beliefs! Hope I helped! Good luck on your upcoming vows! :)

Answer 5

Actually, there's nothing in the Bible that says drinking is a sin. It says overindulging and imparing your judgment is a sin, but not drinking. There's nothing wrong with having a sip or two every once in a while. Besides, if that was the case, Jesus would've left the water as water at the wedding! But then, I guess it's all in how you interpret it.
But, to answer your question, I would suggest that you talk to your future-hubby and his family explaning your family's religious beliefs. Surely, they wouldn't insist on an open-bar knowing your family would be offended by it! That would be extremely disrespectful and in very poor taste. Just sit them down the next time they mention it. I'm sure they'll totally understand!
Good luck!

Answer 6

Alcohol is seen as a luxury at most weddings....not a requirement and certainly not if it's going to offend your family. Your fiance should love you enough to let his family know that this is a sacred ceremony - not a chance for his family to get drunk. If I were you, I would tell my fiance that I would like to respect my familie's wishes this one last time. After this, the 2 of you will form your own little family unit and shouldn't have to base decisions on what your family thinks. Sometimes, it's easier to make a decision you know everyone won't like to preserve r'ships for the future. You know deep down that if you decided to disrespect your family, upbringing, and parents that way, they might never look at you or your fiance the same. Is it really worth that?

Answer 7

From my understanding your biggest problem is that your side of the familiy doesn't accept that there will be people drinking at the wedding because its sinful? well lots of people that think that haveing a drink and toasting at a wedding is pretty much the norm.

your biggest fear is that people won't show up or if they do show up, they will make rude comments or pass judgment on your fiance's family? if thats the case, its not your problem that your family is so naive and judgemental that they can't accept that some people dont think that drinking is sinful. I hope that they would have the class to show up at your reception and hold themselves from turning up their noses at your fiance's family.

its not your problem. let them behave as they wish, you can't control their behavior. But its also unfair to sugest to your fiance that they can't have an open bar at the reception, its about his family too, and it is pretty standard (and legal) to have a drink at a wedding.

if anybody says they won't come. you can tell them that you will miss them, you will be better off without catering to them.

Answer 8

Instead of an open bar, either have a cash bar (with wine/champagne for dinner) or a wine/beer selection with a resonable limit; once the drinks are gone, they're gone.

What might help is to have a fun non-alcoholic option. Besides whatever you to about the alcohol, have an espresso bar or a "non-alcoholic bar" with a few very cool, very fun booze-free drinks. If the non-alcoholic options are just as numerous, it will put less focus on the booze.

Answer 9

Have your open bar. Your family should know that not everyone believes the same way they do and respect that. They don't have to drink.

Or you could have a dry wedding and go out after the reception to a bar and drink away!

Answer 10

Well, with his family its tradition to have alcohol at social gatherings, its really important. If your family is against alcohol, then just explain that you are trying to follow HIS family's tradition and to welcome them by doing what they feel comfortable with and that you by no means expect your family to drink. You may want to consider having only beer and wine which will first, save you money and second, limit the drunkeness of many guests. If your family still throws a fit, you need to sit them down and tell them to bite their tounges and be happy or they will not only lose a daughter but a future son in law.

I had to go through this siutation when I got married and it came to me sitting them down and telling them they were going to lose me forever over something so stupid (that they didn't have to even drink it, they weren't paying for it). I think that made them realize that I was more important than the alcohol at my wedding and they relented. Good luck.

Answer 11

Have a cash bar for liquior. Then have beer and wine free. This will stop people from getting stupid drunk. Let your family know that they are not expected to drink, how ever, if they want a glass of wine, it is available. Also thell them that the grooms family does want alcholo there.
Remind your family that no everyone is like them. Although we sometimes wish that they were. Let them know that this was a hard desision to make but that you feel this is the right one.