RSVPs -- A week overdue?

Question

My wedding is on September 21, 2007 (six weeks) and I need my RSVP cards back. They were due on August 1st, now it’s August 8th and I desperately need them back. I was wondering if anyone knows etiquette for telling friends and family that the RSVPs are overdue. I need them back because I’ve got to order plates, cutlery, chair covers, glasses, napkins, food, cupcakes, etc. I’m running out of time and I’m at the point where anyone who hasn’t sent their RSVP back by now must not care about attending, so I’ll assume they’re not. I just want to disinvite everyone who hasn’t replied, we even have close friends who live two houses away who haven’t even HANDED us their RSVPs. Anyway, I need the help with wording, because I know I’m going to sound like a total b-itch if I write it.

Thanks in advance!

Just a note: I don't want to call everyone becuase I don't have the time to speak to everyone on the phone, nor do I want to. I just wanted to send a mass email to everyone so that I don't put even more on my plate.

Thanks to everyone who has answered my question. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm taking all of the answers into consideration, I have yet to make a final decision on what I'm going to do, but I'm still leaning towards the email. I also wanted to let you guys in on some details:
- I know most of the people who haven't responded expect me to assume they're coming, but I don't want to assume anything.
- I do have people helping me, my fiance mostly. The less people involved in my planning, the less confused I will be.
- I requested the RSVPs so early because I want to get all the planning over and done with before the end of August and some of my suppliers want headcounts soon.

Also, I can't choose the best answer. Everyone had great ideas, thanks so much everyone. I'm going to throw this question into voting when it's time.

Answer 1

A mass email is going to come across as tacky and lazy. Instead, recruit your bridal attendants and your immediate female relatives and split up your guest list..have everyone take a few names and make some phone calls...and get answers from the people you need RSVPs from.

Answer 2

My wedding is August 18th and we didn't tell them we needed them back until August 4th....

A lot of people don't even send their invitations out until a month and a half before the wedding and ask for the RSVP's back just a few weeks before the wedding... Give the people a rough estimate of how many will attend. Then a few weeks before the wedding, call them and give them a final head count. That's how most people do it. Just breathe. It's not worth stressing yourself all out over.

BUT since you've already decided you you have to have their RSVPs a month and a half in advance and it's been listed on your invites, you can simply call the people up that haven't RSVP'd and say, "Hey so and so. We haven't gotten your RSVP and we were wondering if you are going to be able to make it to the wedding." There is NOTHING wrong with calling people up and asking them. Even theknot.com suggests that you do this. Most people don't send RSVPs anyway... They just show up [and sometimes even bring people that weren't invited!] It's rude, I know, but people do this all the time so if you plan on having a seating chart, I'd be asking exactly who is coming and all of that.

Congrats and try not to stress out too much. Everything will come together in the end.

Answer 3

I can see two sides to this.
(1.) Sometimes people can forget things and perhaps they are just putting their RSVP in the mail today. I know a wedding shouldn't be the type of thing one forgets, but when you have people like me who have the short-term memory of a 90-year-old woman, some things can maybe wait a couple more days.
(2.) However, that having been said, if you really don't have enough time to contact every guest, by around this time next week (or whenever the absolute last minute rolls around) the people who have not sent in their RSVPs should not be included in the plans. Some people out there actually think the rules don't apply to them and those are the people who SHOULD be left out. Don't worry about offending anyone who shows up who didn't RSVP. They offended YOU when they didn't send their card in and they should have known better!

One more thing, one answerer said if you really need/want to know if those guests who have not RSVP'd yet are coming, you can assign bridesmaids to call for you. I really like that idea!

Answer 4

You can always safely assume that about half of what you invite will show up. Have the mothers on each side find out who else is comeing. (That's what I'm doing.) Also, on TV I saw this one girl who had a list of RSVP'd guest and if their name wasn't on the list, then they couldn't come in. I know, it's a little harsh, but you already have everything set up. I know many people don't do the RSVP thing anymore and I wouldn't care, but there is the seating and how many tables. You could always put up so many more chairs and tables to be on the safe side. (Which is probably what I will do.) And like someone else said, don't worry, you can change your number shortly before the wedding. Good luck!

Answer 5

That's a tough one. Maybe you could consider how many people didn't send them back and talk with your wedding coordinator and caterer about how many to estimate.
No matter what, do not send text messages like this one girl I know. Last week she sent me the rudest text message about not sending in my rsvp. Well, funny thing is, we never got an invitation!!!! That was just so upsetting that I almost don't want to go to the wedding now!!
Good luck with figuring all this out. I'm sure if you ask your coordinator or someone that's done this a million times, they will probably be able to guide you in the right direction.

Answer 6

Just give the caterer the numbers you have now. You are usually able to change that number as late as a week before the wedding so if more RSVPs come back by then, and you still want the people to attend, call the caterer back.

Don't stress and DO NOT call people. Just take a deep breath and count to ten :-)

Answer 7

Call them up on the phone. It will be much quicker. Just say "Hey, this is (your name). I didn't receive your RSVP card for the wedding, and I wanted to know if you were planning to attend. I am giving the caterer the numbers tomorrow and need to know whether you are coming or not."

If you send them a card, they'll just forget about it like the invitation. Plus it will take a few days for them to receive the cards and respond, which you really don't have. Just call and be sweet about it. If they say no, tell them that they will be missed and that you'll bring the wedding albums over sometime (if they are close friends or family). If they are coming, great!

Answer 8

ok listen this is a WEDDING and anyone married or not KNOWS that the couple NEED to know who is coming since the entire reception depends on head counts. you dont have to think ofthe right wording just call everyone and let them know unless u hear from them right away u will assume the are not making it. I would still save one full table I Know its expensive but its worth it if it saves you people to come. Please dont feel bad but i understand and everyone of my family and friends knew where i was coming from too. everyone knows its stressfull and they know at the same time its going to be fun and done and over with so they wont hold it against you. PLUS if they do wait until they get married you'll receive a HUGE apology!!congrats and good luck

Answer 9

Wow - you had an early reply date for a 9/21 wedding!

The correct thing to do is to call. You don't need to do it yourself. Make a list of all the people with their phone #'s and have a family member or someone in your wedding party do it.

My mom had to call a slew of people on my hubby's side of the family that did not respond. Most of them told her that yes, they were planning on attending when she called them. I know - its totally rude not to RSVP to something, but some people are just known for doing that!

Answer 10

I would call the people to double check....I am not trying to be rude but you are not the only one with a life here. Sometimes people forget...do not always think the worst in people...I know it will take a long time to call people but it is easier then them showing up and not having a place for them. I did not do rsvp cards for this reason.