Once a cheater always a cheater?

Question

about 2 months ago i started dating a divorced woman. She divorced because she cheated on her husband and then stayed with the man she cheated on him with for a year. This past Christmas, they broke up. Now, she tells me that she stays in contact with both her EX's. She also said that she was over him and that she rarely talked to him. And the man (we'll call him Tom) she cheated on her husband with, one night, about 1 month ago, text her while we were in bed together and she answer the text in front of me, at 11:30PM. She wouldn't tell me who it was at first, but i found out by looking over her shoulder as she was deleting the text to him she sent. I freaked and she "that was very disrespectful to do that"...and she agreed and we had a fight and i shouldv'e walked out but we talked things out. 3 days later he called at 12:00AM and she didn't pick it up to answer.

Why would he be calling or texting unless they still talk on some level. or he is looking for “something” from her that late at night?….Again, I freaked and said, why is he calling you this late? And she said she can’t control when he calls and I agreed. HOWEVER!!!, this is the same guy she cheated on her ex hubby with and she said she was friends with him before the cheating and stayed friends after. Now I don’t talk to any of my ex’s but not to say talking to them is bad because you can still be friends in some cases. She also has a ton of guy friends, but this guy Tom is different given the situation. How good of a person can he be knowing he was screwing a girl who had a hubby, ya know? What are his intentions NOW??? And why is she answering the text but didn’t pick up the phone to talk to him if she has nothing to hide and she is supposed to be friends with him, right?

Since these incidents, I noticed she turns her phone to silent at night when we sleep now and, stopped guarding her phone, like she did in the beginning. I also asked her on 3 sep. occasions to remove his # because it bothered me that it was still in her phone given her past with him and she put up a huge STINK each time I asked her and it wasn’t until the 4th time I asked that she did. The very next day she put BOTH her ex-hubby and Tom’s names back in the phone.

I don’t have a problem with her EX-hubby being that he has moved on and is having a baby with someone else, but Tom has got to go. I also had a hunch she called Tom and after the, again, a “4th” time asking her, she admitted she called him to get a home made DVD of a concert that she was at and happened to be on the DVD and wanted it back after asking him to make a copy of it for her a long time ago.

“Is this an excuse to call him?!!!”

During all this, she really gets enraged and bothered by me asking her to remove the numbers each time. She says screaming that she loves me and wants to start a life with me.

…again, I asked her to take the numbers out a 5th time and she still fought, saying that she was “losing” a part of herself if she removed them and that she is over her ex’s but not what she did to her ex hubby (meaning the cheating). I still don’t know if she removed the numbers again, but the thing is, for some weird reason, she changed her primary email address the very next day after our fight recently. Given everything I have said in short, should I be worried that she might be doing something behind my back or still has an emotional attachment to these other guys? Now this TOM guy, she used to work with, and only lives 2 miles from her job. She also gets texts and calls sometimes and won’t answer them STILL.

Again, should I be worried she might do something behind my back? I am with her 7 days a week and I spend every night with her. M-T 7-8PM to 5AM and then F-7-8PM through until Monday morning, all weekend. When does she have time to cheat?...or is she just keeping her options open or is it that once a cheater always a cheater?

Sorry for this being so long, but i fanyone can shed some light on all this, please help...i truly care about her and want things to work out and i am just trying to get a better understanding on how to handle this....thanks!!!


FYI--she told me that the reason she didnt remove the numbers was based on principle and doesnt like to be told what to do...is that being inconsiderate of my feelings?

Answer 1

too long and boring to read... (and repeated if I'm not mistaken)

in answer to your first question... no, not necessarily!! :D

Answer 2

That is a LONG story--the bottom line is you are wasting time with this woman--too much fighting and deception and inconsideration and NO respect for your feelings. She may have a grudge against the fact you are telling instead of discussing the whole thing like an adult...but it is too late--so lesson one---learn to communicate--there is a time and place for everything. lesson two--women with a past have no future--history repeats itself over and over--CHEATERS have a mental problem that I won't discuss here--but they don't know right from wrong and they cannot control themselves....lesson 3--trust is like the soul--once it is gone--it NEVER returns. So you know her past--you know she has cheated and that in itself is an immature lying disrespectful low life thing to do--and you know she will do it again..so why torture yourself. Certainly you can find an honest, respectful, dignified, mature, woman with integrity, a future, and no need to cling to past men without being able to tell you honestly--why !! You have friends and she might not understand yours either...so communicate it all as soon as you can. Fights are a waste of time--not a good way to communicate--your are hopelessly losing here. So move on. Divorced?? Well that is another indicator of trouble---the divorce thing is NEVER one sided--despite the stories you will be told. Better look for another gal--this one is going to cause you NOTHING but pain. Good luck

Answer 3

She obviously still has something going on with this guy and she doesn't want you to know about it. I don't know what kind of relationship you have, but in general, people are free to date several others at once. If you think you are being cheated, you should move on. Yes, once a cheater always a cheater... at least its a strong possibility.

Answer 4

i usually read all the details...but my eyes sting.....basically you are coming here because you are confused and you know something is up, but your not sure what to make up if so....ill try to put a few dot points together for you:

a) she is contact with her ex's that is never good...she's not done and dusted with them....

b) she's a liar

c) i remember answering this question a few days ago.....your asking it again cause your trying to hear the answers you want to hear......

* sometimes you have to make peace with not ever knowing the whole truth.....people do stupid things, we try to justify and anaylise what they think/do but...thats puttin urself through heartache...

* do what is right what makes you happy, you dont sound very happy in this relationship, i wouldnt trust her, do you?

* im sure you have lots of feelings for this woman, im sure you wish she wouldnt do that to you...but you cant help her...she needs to get her act together..and by her past actions doesnt seem like she will...sad...but you cant help...just help yourself, move on and find a woman that will treat you right and is trustworthy and just as comitted as you are....you deserve that

ultimately its ur choice....what you decide to do....its not just the fact that she cheated once...has she done it in ur relationship or will she? who knows.....but you shouldnt be thinking or dealing with that...its not right and its not healthy

these kind of guys/girls, suck you in....they muck you around...they dont care....you feel crap right now yeah? if she cared she wouldnt be playing these stupid games which are clearly stressing you

it's sad that she is screwing people in her life like this...sometimes people hide a side of themselves that we dont get to find out until..even months or years later, they only show their best side....and that's what's heartbreaking.....discovering the person that we really love and care for isnt who they really are, isnt treating us right...it hurts....better knowing now than a day later.... so you can get over her and find someone that feels the same, doesnt hurt you makes you happy 95% of the time, that you have trust with....and then you'll be laughing about this relationship now and you'll be in a much happier place...

Go with your gut feeling, it's usually right...you'll find happiness again....
Best of luck....

Answer 5

She is a cheater. She would not be hiding anything from you if she were not keeping the option to cheat open. It is one thing to be friends. It is another to hide it. don't waste your life. You can not take it back once it is gone. Leave her or you will end up getting hurt.

Answer 6

Not reading all that.

Here's the rule: If they cheated on you, they will continue to do so because you let them get away with it.

If they cheated on some one else, you need to ask yourself what's different NOW to make them not want to do it again?

Answer 7

she should respect your wishes based on her past , if my man asked me not to talk to someone i would explain to that person that my man is not comforable with this situation and i would stop having contact with him if i loved him she must not have much respect for you or herself, she may just be a cheater and cant help herself,that has to be hurting your feelings, and its not fair to you she should letyou go if she does not want you unless you can deal with this situation .

Answer 8

Okay scrubsisawesome keep it short honey and it will hold everyone's attention.

Answer 9

once a cheater always a cheater

Answer 10

if you suspect, you're probably right. always a cheater.