I'm preg and the father doesn't want to take the responsibility..(2 weeks to decide!!)?

Question

I'm preg and the father doesn't want to take the responsibility..(2 weeks to decide!!)?
I'm 21 and his 31, we were just seeing each other for about 3 months (as friends with benefits). The problem is that last week I found out that I'm preg, and I told him and he gave tons of reasons of why he wasn't ready to have a kid, and why I shouldn't keep it. He's not working at the moment, his mom passed away back in May, he will be moving to a different city (close by), etc. and that mine and his life will change. He don't exactly tells me to get rid of the kid, but he makes it obvious. I even told him that I would look for a different father but he didn't like the idea; he said that he wouldn't want another guy raising his kid if he was going to be around. I am truly confused, I got only two weeks to decide what I am going to do..I need advice please...

Answer 1

Sounds like to me this is your decision. He seems to be putting it off on you to decide. His reasons for not wanting this child are lame at best. What he means to say is that he's self-involved and immature. There is no right time and his mother passing away??? So the question is how do you feel about this? What do you want to do? Forget about him. You sound like you want to keep the baby ( finding another person to father child). If that's the case, then do have the baby. It will change your life forever but as much for the better as the worse. Having an abortion will as well change your life forever. You need to make sure (if you choose this path) that this is something that you can handle the emotional repercussions of forever. Parenting is a big, long and hard job but the rewards are truly amazing. In the end sweetie you have to do what is right for you in this life and no one can make this decision for you. Keep your head up (against ugly words) and good luck.

Answer 2

This is obviously a very hard decision- I do wonder, though, why you only have two weeks to decide- the only reason I could come up with is that you are considering an abortion. That is a very personal decision. I became pregnant at 19, and my son is now almost 11 years old- I raised him without his father being around much, and I am so happy I did. I am now married to another man, and we have a 2 year old girl.
If you feel you are mature and stable enough to raise a child, then nothing could be better than that.
This guy cannot force you to get an abortion if you do not want to do it.
You are in control of your own life, and your body. Don't let him or anyone else tell you what's best for you.
If you truly feel you can't or don't want to raise a child on your own, adoption is always an option, as there are so many people who long to have children, but are not able to.
I would think a 31 year old man should be a bit more responsible and own up to his decisions...
Sorry you are in this situation, and I wish you the best.
Take care of yourself- someone is depending on it.

Answer 3

If you are going to have this baby, I wouldn't count on any support from the guy. He doesn't sound like he is very mature, and honestly you can't just pick a new dad for your baby. I don't think either one of you sound like you are ready to be parents.

I'm a single mother, I have three kids. Been there, done that, got a T-shirt, bumper sticker, the whole deal. Think about what the situation is going to do to your child, this isn't about what you and him want anymore......when you become a parent life isn't all about you anymore.....parenting requires selflessness, which isn't something that everyone has. You need to think about what is the best possible situation for this child. While I think the pregnancy could have been avoided in the first place, I would hold nothing against someone who decides on abortion or adoption because they are not ready or not in a position to become parents. I know people will go on a rant about abortion, but I am pro choice, and that means you can give full consideration to all your options, because all those pro lifers are not going to be there when you are trying to raise a child on your own.

Answer 4

Well its not up to him any longer, he just wanted the sex and nothing to do with this child or you. He cant tell you if you should have this child except for the fact he doesn’t want to pay any money to you. He could change his mind but then again if this is his first reaction he wouldn’t be a very good dad anyway, I am a single father and the boys mom walked away when they were 2 and 4.
There was no second thought in my mind about looking after these two. They are 17 and 19 now and yes it was tough and I had to give up allot, and in the end through everything I went through, I wouldn’t go back and change a thing.
The question for you is do you want this child, no one is ready for this really, its like saying , OH we will get married when we can afford it. OK come on lottery. When can anyone afford that. Its not about the money its about what’s inside you as a person, the love you have and the love you can give.
I can't and no one else can make your mind up for you, its up too you, really some will condemn him and you, some will be for it and against it, but in the end its your life and only you can decide. Its not the end of the world you still can go out, have friends get boy friends and date, it is sometimes just a bit awkward and plans might have to be put on hold till another weekend. No big deal you will have many weekends and some of my best weekends were with my two boys who thought I was their hero.
They have a love that I never found anywhere else.
One final note, their mom is now really hating herself for what she did and the choice she made. I never condemned her or made her look bad in front of the boys and when they got older they figured their own stuff out. They don’t hate her but they don’t want to visit as often as I thought they would. So he is the one that will suffer when one day he bangs his head ans wakes up and his son/daughter is older and at his age he is clearly a fool to even consider that position.
Good luck, be happy, share you deep love with those who truly love you.
GB

Ps The boys Ante, (Moms sister) had and abortion and she almost wasn’t able to have a child ever again, it destroyed a bit of her inside and she was 20, her first child was at 32 and the Doctors told her no more she was lucky to make it out alive form this one.
It may or may not happen to you but sometimes bad things happen to good people.

Answer 5

My daughter went through this.
If you aren't able to raise the baby on your own think about the adoption option.
I adopted my daughter. Her mom wanted her to have a good life. My daughter is now an adult. She is my best friend in the world.

My daughters bf who fathered the child was not interested in the baby.

She made the decision to raise the baby as a single mom. I was the other parent in her life. My grandaughter used to see her father once or twice a year--now at age 7 nothing.

My daughter applied at family court and she gets support checks for her daughter. Check out where you live if this can be done.

Never speak ill of your childs father, after all she is part of him.
We told my grandaughter that Bubba (thats what she calls him) just doesn't know how to be a good daddy.. But, he still loves and adores you.

Sure another man can raise a child who biologically not his.
My daughter now has a wonderful boyfriend. They have a little two year old and another baby on the way. My grandaughter calls her step father Daddy.

This will work out for you

Answer 6

Well, if he doesn't want to take responsibility, but yet he doesn't want another man being it's father, F*ck him! If he doesn't want the responsibility, he has no decision on who takes care of it, or anything that has to do with it's life.

Decide whether or not to keep it might be a problem. If you feel truely 100% that you cannot take care of it, give it up for adopotion. But remember that you may feel a loss for the rest of your life. Keeping might be good though. Find another man that you love who can be it's father.

Whatever feels right.

Answer 7

put the baby up for adoption after having it. I think the father is the most imporant person in your child's life and if theres no father your kid's life will be ruined. Plus your too young to have a baby anyways. Wait a couple more years and get a new husband.

Answer 8

What do you want to do? Do you want this baby? And just out of curiosity why didn't you use birth control?

It seems to me that there is only 2 options here. 1 have the baby and give up for adoption or have the baby and take the best care of that baby as you can whether the father steps up or not.

Answer 9

my partner and i were together for 2 years before i fell pregnant ( i was 20 he was 32) and he still wanted me to have an abortion. I told him no, i dont think men understand what it is like to find out you are carrying a life inside of you. Tell him he needs to grow up and take responsability of this child, if he doesnt then he has to be prepared to let someone else take on that role. Its your body and if you feel you are ready to be a mother go for it, i dont regret it for the world
good luck

Answer 10

If you would really want to keep the child, keep it. If you would not want to let him have lots more stress, it would not be good to keep the baby as he :
1) is not working
2) have stress(as his mom pass away)
3) he will be moving to a different country

If you keep the child, he will be angry and he may not want to be with you anymore and even if you do not keep the child, it will be hard to see him as he is staying in a different country, but as you are the mother of the child , you have the power to decide!