Last weekend he went out on his stag do, paint-balling and a pub crawl, he was out all night and I didn't phone or text him, I just let him enjoy his night with his mates. This weekend is my "hen do", now he is saying he does not want me to go out to any pubs or clubs, it was fine for him but why not me? Our relationship is rock solid, I don't drink so he has no worries about me getting drunk, I have no intentions of talking to guys or going to see male dancers/strippers etc...why can he have his fun and then be difficult about me going out?
2007-08-07 20:10:53 · 29 answers · asked by fairy_cakes17 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Let me clarify, my idea of a hen night is me and MOH, and two other female friends, no silly costumes, no loud games or drinking games, we're going to see a band and then for a dance, that's it.
2007-08-07 20:27:31 · update #1
Have you asked him what his reasons for feeling like this are?
Explain to him that he had his night out and now its your turn. You are obviously very secure in your relationship to let him enjoy his night so he should be the same with you, but maybe he is insecure?
Just go out and enjoy yourself, you deserve to have a good night and not worry about how he is going to feel.
2007-08-07 20:16:27 · answer #1 · answered by Lynn P 2 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Doesnt sound very fair, nor very positive, if he was reasonable he wouldnt give you a hard time and would make sure you were made to feel as comfortable about going out as you made him feel. I'm afraid you are going to have to make one of two decisions, you either decide to go and tell him that he is being completely unfair and its total double standards or you listen to him and allow him to dictate what you do(not something you want to encourage at this stage of the marriage!!) I think he is being very selfish and after you being so reasonable it seems there is an underlying reason why he is being this way, either he is worried that you will do whatever he has done on his stag night(it could just be talking to other women-nothing else) or he might want to control you and pave the way for what he wants the marriage to be like. Be strong and dont allow anyone to walk all over you-least of all someone that says they love you. This is your future and if he is being unreasonable now, who is to say whether he will be like this later on in the marriage. Good luck xxx
2007-08-08 03:21:03 · answer #2 · answered by peroxide.pixie 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has insecurities, that's pretty normal, we're all human after all. I guess coz he won't be with you and can't see what you are doing then he will worry, but you probably had those same worries when he was on his stag do, didn't you? If you know that you are just out for a good time with your female friends then reassure him that you understand his concerns but that he has nothing to worry about with regards to you being faithful etc. Some guys think they are the only ones allowed to have fun. Don't give in on this as there is nothing wrong with you having a girls night out to celebrate your marriage.
2007-08-08 03:21:33 · answer #3 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Because your relationship is not so rock solid as to survive the appearance of impropriety. A bunch of women going to the bars together before a wedding gives a public perception of immodesty at best and cheating at worst.
He shouldn't have had a stag party either, especially knowing that your response would be to have a girls' night out. Besides, he may be confident that you wouldn't behave improperly, but he probably has no such confidence in your friends. When you're seen in public with your friends acting like drunken slu*ts, then you are also seen as condoning their behavior. When you condone their behavior, it reflects badly on him.
If this whole thing really bothers you that much, then you shouldn't be marrying him in the first place. If he's honestly that controlling, this is an ominous sign of things to come. If he's that insecure or demands a higher moral character than what you're prepared to give, then perhaps the two of you should reexamine your relationship.
It worries me that what's good for him is not necessarily good for you. But in my opinion, neither one of you should be having stag parties. It invites trouble, distrust and unnecessary temptation into your lives.
2007-08-08 03:21:09 · answer #4 · answered by ann81969 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well as soild as you are, seem's that maybe once the ring is on the finger your in for trouble...
If you don't drink then i really can't see the problem...
Advice nip this in the bud NOW , he obviously is very insecure and has major trust issues, not a great start to married life ...
You have every right to celebrate and enjoy yourself,even if it was a week away you are committed and he SHOULD be fine and support you...
Next thing he will be trying to make you feel guilty about going out, argue with you and i guarentee before you go out he will make you feel like sh1t, if he does DONT MARRY HIM ... all the warning signs are their ALREADY....
Marriage is about talking and trusting so why is he so concerned unless he doesn't want you doin what he did ??????????? Thought of that ?
Are you sure you know the REAL man your marring before its too late...
Good luck you'll need it...
2007-08-08 03:24:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
tell him to just deal with it.... it doesnt sound like he is being fair to you at all!!!! But dont let his attitude become your problem. Go, have fun, and dont worry about it. If he makes a big deal out of it and really freaks out about it...I personally would re-think the whole idea of getting married to a guy that wants to be that controlling. But, hopefully he's just overreacting and when u tell him you are going out and he needs to get over it, he will realize that he's being dumb.... guys get that way soemties ;)
Good Luck & Have a fun night!!!!!
2007-08-08 12:25:58 · answer #6 · answered by legends_chick 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it is kind of odd he is having a problem with it. after all he did the exact same thing. ask him what went on during his stag do that he is scared may happen on your hen do. i would start raising questions if i were you, even with a rock solit relationship.
Ny&Jo has the best advice and is totally right. You seriously need to think things over and think more of how the future will be with this fella.
2007-08-08 03:31:28 · answer #7 · answered by Lizzie Ann 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Tell him your going and he has no say in the matter, you didnt stop him from doing what he wanted to do and make it clear that he isnt going to stop you husband to be or not!! dont let him start to control you because it will only get worse once your married so stand your ground and make sure he knows he doesnt own or control you and he never will so he best get over his insecurities
2007-08-08 03:16:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Is yr relationship that rock solid.Do u really know who u r marrying. If he's like that before the wedding what about after when the kids come along! Its never too late to change your mind!
2007-08-08 03:26:04 · answer #9 · answered by shafter 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you ARE going to yours since HE went to HIS.
He is creating a double standard by saying you can't go to yours but he can go to his.
Perhaps he has guilty feelings since he may have been naughty at HIS party and feel you would do the same?
Not trusting you means your relationship is NOT rock solid.
2007-08-08 12:31:02 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋