Letter to my mom who smokes, what do you think?

Question

After telling you how much you have been killing us as a family, I thought it would be enough for you to quit smoking. You have no clue of how your addiction has impacted my life and your family. I am cooped up in my room all day because I know if I even try to go downstairs or in the bathroom, there you are smoking. I know I will be planning your funeral in the upcoming years, due to your disgusting habit, so you might as well tell me how you want it. You are rapidly killing yourself and your family. Even the pets are at risk for cancer, just like Jack. After talking to you repeatedly about quitting, you blow me of and tend to change the subject of a very important issue. I understand it’s a hard habit to quit, but millions of people have done so. You have a prescription ready to be filled out, but you think of yourself when you smoke, not about the harm you are causing us. I shouldn’t have to think about how you are going to die, but I do. I shouldn’t have to think about ruining my vacation while you smoke or you going outside with the dogs and contaminating them and yourself. If you haven’t realized, it controls you. Even at the mall, you couldn’t fight your urge to smoke while shopping, that should have been a sign to quit. Since you won’t quit and keep smoking, you do not care about us or love us, even though you claim to. You blame smoking on us driving you to, but that’s not an excuse, and you know it. I don’t think you realize your smoking controls my life as well. Maybe Katie and Dad don’t know the huge consequences of your habit, but I do. If you continue to smoke and not quit, I’m going to have to separate myself from you. I will no longer think of you as my mom, because only a caring mom would listen to this. Your stupid family and so called friends like Marla and Joe smoke. I don’t know if this is what keeps you smoking, but they are not worse your health. I have no doubt smoking will give you cancer and you will eventually die. You have cut off so many years of your life, you don’t even realize it. Is it worth a couple more years? It’s a slow but fast suicide. I most likely will be in my twenties and you will be dead. I am angry at you for this. You even have dad smoking now, which gets me even madder. I will not have parents when I’m older due to smoking. You wonder why I have trouble sleeping, this explains it. I think about all these issues every night I go to bed. I’m sick of this and I can’t handle it anymore. I am at the point where I want you to work full time so I won’t have to be around you and worrying about you downstairs in your chair smoking your life away. I don’t care if you ground me for the rest of my life for this letter, but I have had it with you. This letter also addresses dad, coming home taking his anger out on us and ruining his health over his job. I don’t care about the money he makes, as long as he is happy. If he is so unhappy with his job, he needs to find one that he enjoys, instead of hates. I know if he continues this, he will die of a heart attack or some other cause. And Katie doesn’t care about me, you, or dad. I only think of her as a roommate in this house, which is sad to say. Then I’m mad about you killing our dogs. I think of them as my children, and I cry myself to sleep over your smoking and feeding them to their death. The vet has made comments about Pablo’s weight and our pet teacher has made comments about Toby. I shouldn’t have to take manners into my own hands and take care of them 24-7 which I will now on be doing. Go ahead and show this to your crappy friends and family like Arlene, Marla, or Nana, or anyone else, because this letter only embarrasses yourself. I bet after reading this, you will go sit downstairs and smoke another cigarette and drink a beer. Because that’s all your life is. Continue on telling me you will quit, because it has been 8 months you have been telling me that.
Amanda

I am 14 and I am trying to get my mom to quit, do you think this have an impact on her?

Answer 1

Dear Amanda,

I love your letter.
Show it to your mum and be ready to move on it.
You are so right, you should not have to put up with all of this.
Your life is just starting and you deserve a clean, decent place to live, with responsible parents.
If I was your mother and you gave me this letter I would have to be affected, to change.
I trust it will all work out for you and you will get the fresh and welcoming, happy place to live in that you deserve.
My heart goes out to you.
Love and blessing to you.

Answer 2

I feel for you. However, some advice;
Although you do a great job of getting your feelings across, Im not sure how well it will work because it will make your Mum defensive because it is quite attacking.
I always use a particular 'love letter method' I read in a book once. It helps get all of your feelings out, not just your anger, and it also comes across better to the other person. Give it a try, if you dont like it you can always go back to your old letter. But I find it really helps me.
What you do is separate your letter into five feelings in this order - Anger, Sadness, Fear, Regret, Love.
Keep all the sections about the same length, and at the end write a PS saying what response you would like to hear.
Eg.
Dear Mum,
I am angry that you are still smoking. I am angry when you dont consider my health in this matter. I am angry when you blah blah etc.
I am sad that you may be cutting your life short. I am sad that I will be planning your funeral. etc
I am afraid that you will die when I am still young. I am afraid that you are putting our families health at risk. etc
I regret that this habit is so difficult for you to stop. I regret that it affects our life as a family. etc.
I love you and I want you to be in my life for many years to come. I love spending time with you when you are not smoking. etc.
Love you.
P.S. The response I would like to hear is "Amanda, I am sorry this has affected your life so much. I understand how difficult it must be for you. I would like your help in quittting, blah blah, etc.

Give it a go. Really, it helps, and it gets a better reaction too. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

good. but I worry that this will be blown off - I've been trying to have my father quit since I could talk-and cough. I think you should confront her in a way that does not concern HER anymore. Imagine being her, doing something that people SAY is killing you - but you don't feel that bad, do you? You feel as though they're attacking you in your own home.
What my family and I did is this - "This is not about You anymore. It has been for [20] years. This is about everyone else's health, now. You can continue smoking, but noone wants you in the house. This is unanimous. You have the right to smoke in the house you pay for, but other people are here, and had you been alone, you would be able to smoke here. You have the right to kill yourself, but not us."
He's pretty much smoked outside, though I've had to cuss and shoo him out other times. When they say "I'm just going to finish this one" say "No.(firmly) You're going to finish outside."
I feel like making it a big enough deal that they have to be away from everyone else, draws in the perspective - "wow, it's bad enough they want me outside?" instead of "they hear it's bad, so they complain".
I know from experience telling someone what they've heard plenty of times before isn't going to get them to stop - only improvements will follow. People don't want to go outside and smoke. My father's cut down simply because he doesn't want to go outside and stand - no chair for him.

Answer 4

The only way she'll stop smoking is when she does it on her own. Many times, smokers think they're invincible and will continue to smoke. It takes a life-changing event to really get people to quit (ie: lung cancer, death of relative due to smoking, asthma...etc.) My grandmother kept smoking until a week before she died. She claimed she spoke to Jesus and He told her everything's going to be alright and that you need to quit so she stopped...but it was too late. The cancer advanced to stage 4. My heart goes out to you and your family. If you strongly believe, pray...thats really all you can do for her. I hope this helps.

Answer 5

You will not accomplish anything like that. Smoking is more addictive to some than it is to others. You mother probably did not know the dangers or addictive factor of smoking when she started. You would do better to ask her that if she has to smoke, would she please smoke outside because you are worried about your future health.

Just think of all the other things that your mother does for you. You should not be so abrasive when talking to her. That will do you absolutely no good.

Sometimes you have to walk a mile in someone else's shoes to understand why they do the things that they do. When you are not quite so immature, you will realize it.

Answer 6

You shouldn't have even had to write your mother this letter. I hate smokers. Okay, maybe hate is a strong word. But smokers who affect others, especially those who want nothing to do with it, are selfish people. I feel bad for you, because I hope this does reach her, but you're right it probably won't. I think you will probably need to reach out else where. Maybe talk to a doctor. I don't know...I don't know if anyone can do anything about smoking...it's not like a drinking problem to most. I think it's just as bad, but that's me. I feel bad and wish you the best. Good luck! You have my support! Don't back down!

Answer 7

I feel for you, you remind me of myself at 14. I am 25 now. Just keep at her, I think it will sink in. My Mom quit smoking when I was age 17 completely, she hasn't picked it up since! I was so proud of her. She smoked since she was age 19, and quit at age 45. If you keep reminding her how much it hurts you, how much you care about her and want her to quit, it may sink in. Smoking stinks, yuck.

Answer 8

wow this is a really good letter it honestly made me want to cry. my parents smoke too. i never thought of it like this. thank you.

Answer 9

yes deffinetly i mean how could she not you speak from your heart and speak the truth good luck stay happy

Answer 10

sweety i've tried all this.... please do not worry endlessly like you appear to have been doing. she will not quit coz of your letter... she will NOT, until she is ready and willing to quit for good.

Its not simple... so do not expect after this letter that she will quit. dont get too disappointed.

hopefully it will open up her eyes.. and she will try to stop...

just get prepared for the worst

good luck