is that after the potential date or current date finds out that I am a widow they treat me differently and it is hard for them to be around me. This is so common. I live in an Army community and my spouse was Army, killed in Iraq. I even get guys that all of a sudden get upset want to apologize to me and keep hugging me. I understand that a lot of these guys stationed here have lost somebody...Ft. Campbell has suffered many losses.....and maybe I should not say anything until they get to know me better, or would that be deceiving? I am not a piece of china.
2007-08-07 19:07:20 · 17 answers · asked by me 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I defintely think it would be okay not to share your widowed status until later in the relationship.
2007-08-07 19:12:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess that I would just hold off on saying some thing until you think that they really need to know. Just say you are single and if it comes up at a later date and they want to know why you didn't say anything at first then explain what you just said here. If they were someone really worth being around then they would know you well enough to know that you were not trying to decieve them but to get to know them without something else in the way. Really I feel why you are single probably shouldn't be an issue on the first few dates. Now if asked point blank don't dance around the question cause that can cause problems. Just make it to the point that you are a widow but trying to move on with your life and dont want to be treated like you have been in the past.
2007-08-07 19:15:41 · answer #2 · answered by gem753 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, please accept my deepest sympathy.
Maybe date guys not in the military, civilians? I mean, then there wouldn't be a direct connection to their branch of service and loss of life. But these guys who do apologize and want to hug you, they are experiencing loss too. Having that common bond might actually help you in dealing with your loss. Someone who understands what being a military family means. But if you don't find comfort in that, I'm sure there are civilian guys who are just as compassionate and are able to understand you also.
You are not a piece of china, of course. I don't think you need to tell your potential or current date from the very very start your whole life story and loss of husband, and how it happened. It would be understood if you just left it at you are a widow and am dealing with the loss of your husband. The rest can come out as you get to know your date and feel closer to him.
I sure hope this helps.... I hope you meet someone special in your life, someone you can share your hopes and dreams with.
2007-08-07 19:19:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe you should start fresh somewhere else in the country. Obviously the people in your community are to sympathetic to your situation to feel anything more than that for you. The whole country is like that at this momment but im sure if you find someone who is not too emotionally involed in the war they will look farther than the fact that you are a military widow and see you just as a women who needs a conpanion who unfortunaly became a widow.
2007-08-07 19:14:18 · answer #4 · answered by jhoana_pnc 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If a man is intelligent and open nothing would bother him, being a widow should not bother him or feel pity for you to be honest with you a rather date a widow than a woman with an ex-- it is so much easier than to have to deal with him.. soo the world is waiting for you go and experience new things, but always keep an especial place on your heart for you loved one, i am a very sarcastic person but that is how i deal with my own problems..don't let lonelines take the best of you ...gooooooooooooood luck.. airborne..
2007-08-07 19:23:39 · answer #5 · answered by 8 inches of joy!!! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear about your loss.
Being a widow is neither a fault nor a mistake! I would feel that you must be up front about it. Thats not like making a sad face or anything like that. But its about being honest about the current status.
If a man finds it difficult to date a widow, its his problem, not her.
So, good luck!
2007-08-07 19:17:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you could bring that up maybe on the second or third date? It is kind of hard because alot of people want to know if you have been married or not in the past, and its hard to say you have been married and not to ask alot of questions
2007-08-07 19:13:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, first of all, im very sorry to hear that ur spouse died.
second, you should tell ur dates. but don't tell them right away.
find someone what would understand you. but doesn't treat you different. that might be hard. but. don't tell them right away. or else. they'll treat you like ur a piece of china for as long as u date them
2007-08-07 19:14:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be that part of the trouble is the closeness of the unit.
They somehow feel they're 'hitting on a buddy's girl`,
and it's worse because he's dead.
Maybe you can go outside that community.
2007-08-07 19:14:18 · answer #9 · answered by Irv S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should try keeping it to yourself until it appears that you have found someone that you may want to be with and than tell him, because at that point he knows you and not the husband you lost. when he asks about your husband answer the question but be vague, just answer the question he asks you dont give extra information...good luck..GodBless
2007-08-07 19:13:38 · answer #10 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋