My husband is in Iraq and he's been having cyber sex with about 5 different girls. He's been talking to about

Question

50 girls all together but cybering with about 5. He's telling them that he's leaving me and that if he hadn't gotten deployed he would have divorced me already. He's cheated on me twice before he left too. Now I don't know what to do because he's telling me the exact opposite. He sends me money every month and sends me jewelry and pictures and stuff. But i've had a few girls message me calling me nasty names and I don't know what to do. Divorce isn't and option for me but I don't know if this is something that has to do with what he's going through over there or if he's just a jerk. He always tells me that he's afraid I'm cheating or leaving him all the time because the military has such a high divorce rate and he says he talks to them to block out how much it hurts to be with me. He said he's not doing it anymore and that he never meant to hurt me. We have four kids and I kind of feel like he's just using me because of the kids. Any advice will help.

well, in response to some of the answers, i know for a fact he is cybering, he gave me the passwords to all his accounts. and i know that even though he's in the desert he can cyber because he does it with me. no i didn't marry him for his money i get enough money to live on and the rest of it goes into an account that i don't have access to. and yes it is a real question, it's been bothering me since i found out, i don't degrade military men at all. i'm proud of my husband. he does a lot more than i could ever do. everything i own and wear is patriotic. my car, my house, my cloths, even my hair bows are patriotic. so no i'm not looking for attention, i'm looking for advice on how to make it through until this deployment is over so we can even try to work through this. i do see a counselor that the military set me up with and he usually says "i don't know what to say about that" and that's why i'm on here looking for advice.

Answer 1

I don't know of much you can do right now. Just understand that his reasons for worry are wide-spread throughout the military, and it doesn't necessarily mean that he distrusts you. I experienced the same worries when I was deployed. However, this in no way justifies him conducting pre-emptive adultery (if indeed he is).

As soon as he gets back, you need to contact either his Chain of Command or family support. They should be able to set you up with a family counseling. If that doesn't work out, follow the link below. It should help you get information to start counseling on the military's tab. If you have a hard time navigating the site, call the 1-800 number.

http://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/display_select_branch.aspx?action=branch_selection&mode=user&ObjectID=146eed91-c01a-40b1-a90c-7f071bc2f2cb&ModuleID=e91b5716-3f8e-4117-a614-ef6cea14ef54&ReturnTo=http%3a%2f%2fwww.militaryonesource.com%2fskins%2fMOS%2fhome.aspx%3faction%3dissue%26mode%3duser%26ObjectID%3d146eed91-c01a-40b1-a90c-7f071bc2f2cb%26ModuleID%3dae74eaa3-d1b6-4dbd-b23e-354880172094

Answer 2

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but if you were my friend I would tell you that you are being so stupid!
Why is divorce not an option? Religious reasons? Well isn't adultery also against religion?
He has cheated twice, that you know. He knows you are not leaving. He is disrespecting you and your kids, my gosh, what kind of mom are you? Do you want your daughters to think this is how a man should treat his wife (them)? Do you want your sons to learn that being a male whore is OK...because Daddy did it!
I mean after all that do you trust him (how can you)? You are listening to his words, but follow his actions!
Don't let him say, the pressure is making him do this. That's Bull!
But if you're not going to leave, then here is a famous Marine Corps saying....SUCK IT UP! those are your two options.

And the military does make those serving pay child support.

Answer 3

If the cybering were the only incidence of infidelity behavior, I could see it being caused by his deployment. But you said he cheated on you before he left. That suggests a pattern of behavior of being unfaithful to you.

So, you have the choice of living with that pattern or getting a divorce. I don't believe in divorce in general, but I think that if your husband is cheating on you a divorce is perfectly reasonable. I can't tell you what to do. You know what you can live with better than I. You must either live with the infidelity or a divorce.

By the way, get yourself checked for sexually transmitted diseases regardless of what you decide. There's no telling what your husband may have brought home. I also recommend you insist on condoms from now on if the two of you continue to be married. No sense for you to get sick because your husband did wrong.

Answer 4

I do not have enough information to give you any solid advice. What motivates your husband to cheat on you is key-is he so depressed that he just has lost control, or is he looking to dump you for his own selfish reasons? I have no clue, only you would be able to tell. I can tell you that you should probably contact a marriage counselor and that you need to get as much information from your husband as possible on his activities, feelings, etc. Do not allow him to be evasive. This is probably very difficult with him deployed in Iraq so you must use your judgement on whether or not to divorce him immediately or maintain the status quo and wait for him to return to see if you can straighten up the marriage.

One final piece of advice: if the marriage is unsalvageable do not stay with him "for the kids." A truly bad marriage is worse on children than a divorce in most cases.

Answer 5

It probably has a lot to do with what he is going through. However, his situation may just be the catalyst that is forcing him to be honest with you regarding the desire for a divorce. When I was serving in Desert Storm, the strength of my marriage had the opposite effect, and I wrote my wife and son a couple of lines minimum every day. If the internet had existed back then, I'd have talked with them via an IM program daily. Good luck and I hope you can resolve the problems. Just don't get your hopes up to high.

Answer 6

In some divorce courts, this is considered infidelity, depending on the state laws and the judge. Now if you really want to mess with his head cheese, tell him that you know for a fact some of them are actually guys. It does not have to be true, but it will mess with his libido when doing his thing in private.

Answer 7

i does no longer believe him the two. examine memory secret agent ware. There are some extremely stable ones available that perform in stealth mode. They checklist each thing achieved on the laptop and that i mean each thing. capture him out and convey the evidence which isn't admissible in court yet he can not deny it the two. you will quickly discover out using fact the emails they deliver supply it away. superb of success. you're greater appropriate off understanding now extremely than later.

Answer 8

Military man or not he is a loser. Stay with him for the army benefits but after he is back home and no longer getting the benefits divorce him. He deserves to be treated the way he is treating you. As for the women that are talking to a married man hopefully he marries one of them in the future that way they can learn their lesson too.

Answer 9

it sounds like he's a liar and a cheat, he doesn't want to leave you, but he doesn't want to be loyal either. just because he's military and deployed doesn't mean you have to put up with it. he's always afraid you are cheating because he can't imagine anyone not being like him, andhe's always cheating. I think you should let him know that you know he's lying. confront him with it, and tell him to stop whatever he has with these girls, tell them the truth, quit lying to you, and never cheat again. which he probably won't do, considering his record. but after that warning, the next set of proof you get, confront him with it, and tell him that as much as it hurts you, it's over. you deserve better than him and so do his children.

Answer 10

You sound like a Princess w/ a torn, paper lace heart that wants to decry "I'm a victim: My husband CHEATED on me!!!"

Divorce rates everywhere are climbing. Why? Divorce courts, in case you haven't noticed lately, FAVOR WOMEN!!!

Your hubby's fears of serviceMEN getting served divorce notices---something he does NOT want served him--deserves some compassionate merit. Give the guy some slack--he might get his head blasted open like a juicy tomato by a bullet (enemy and/or "friendly fire") in Iraq.

Online cybering isn't marital infidelity in so much as it is a writing form called Erotica. Between cybers who meet up and those who never: the larger percentage are those who NEVER MEET UP, because thousands of miles seperate them.....as evidenced in your hubby's alleged case.

Another fact: Women can be (and thousands are) PC hackers too. And they're not spreading viruses---they're phoning homes and wrecking them!!! This new breed scumbag hacker is one we'll soon read about.....and they're quite clever than your average PC hacker.

Couples in far far worse shape have decided to stay together--and make marriage work--and they've met successes. You two can if you both want to. I say get some serious counseling----BOTH of you.....and grow up.