Dumped my matron of honor?

Question

I am having a very small wedding Sept. 1. I have only been planning since the the middle of July. I asked my long time best friend to be my matron of honor. I know she is going through a difficulty time (money wise) so I told her I would understand if she wasn't able to do it (she has to pay for the dress herself $60). She assured me she could and we made plans to go and get her dress 2 times in the past 2 weeks but she canceled each time with a lame excuse. She was suppose to call me back Sat and I have yet to hear from her. So, I asked someone else and the new person already went and purchased the dress. Should I have waited on my best friend? I know her feelings will be hurt but I didn't want to be stressed by waiting to the last minute. Did I do the right thing?

I tried to get her to put the dress on lay a way but she refused. I wouldn't mind buying the dress if she didn't have a sorry husband, had a job and was still struggling. I have other stuff to take care of such as the cake, my dress, shoes, hair etc

Answer 1

I completely understand. I had a maid of Honor situation where my best friend fell off the wagon the month before my wedding and got completely drunk the night before my wedding day. When she gave the toast I was in horror at what she might say. She wasn't in any of my pictures before the wedding because she waited until the day before to think of something to write. I decided the day of my wedding to not worry about anyone but myself. I guess what I'm saying is I regret not asking one of my cousins to be my maid of honor, since they were the only ones helping me. Just do what makes you happy. I mean what if you keep your best friend as the Matron of Honor and she never gets the dress. I doubt it will ruin her life everytime she looks at the photos.

Answer 2

Honey, what is more important to you? $60 or your best friend standing up beside you at your wedding? Why didn't you just pay for her dress, if you knew she couldn't afford it?

You should at least have talked to her first, explained you are concerned about her lack of initiative on purchasing the dress. This would have given her a chance to tell you why she cancelled twice....and then you could give her the option to step aside if she isn't able to do the job. She is your best friend...and for you to just go behind her back and replace her as your Matron of Honor, because she doesnt have a spare $60 right now...That is a horrible move on your part, as a friend.

There is no easy way to handle this situation...you are going to have very hurt feelings, and with good reason. If my best friend did this, I would be crushed.

If I had been in your situation, I would have offered to pay for at least half of her expenses, if she is very tight for money. I'd rather spend the dollars and have my closest girlfriend at my side on my wedding day, then replace her with someone else, so I didn't have to spend some money. The "Lame husband, no job" thing is B.S. That isn't your business. If you really wanted her to be part of your wedding, you would have helped her, knowing she was financially strapped.

Answer 3

I answered your other question, and I will answer this too.

No, you didn't do the right thing, but you can't change that now. It's only the beginning of August, why couldn't you buy the dress for her? When she had the money she could pay you back, but if she never got the money it should have been fine, because she's supposed to be your best friend. She has children to worry about, and you're worrying because she couldn't buy the dress, so you asked so one else? I suggest you buy her a dress and ask her to be your second Maid of Honor. My sister had two Maids of Honor.

Simply put,
your friendship shouldn't be on the rocks because she doesn't have enough money. Life is hard, but you shouldn't make your friendship hard too.

Answer 4

If she really is your best friend then what you did is extremely hurtful. I know that planning a wedding is stressful, but weddings are one day, friendship is for a lifetime. Your BF probably agreed to be your matron of honor because she wants to support you, she cares for you, and she was honored you would ask her. Being asked to be the matron of honor for a good friend is a big deal and makes you feel proud and special. When she finds out that you passed her over without giving her a chance to explain herself, and all because of $60, she will probably be hurt. Wouldn't you? If she is really such a good friend, why didn't you offer to loan her the money so she could still be a big part of your special day? How's she going to feel sitting at your wedding watching the other girl stand by you on one of the most important days of your life? How are you going to feel seeing her sitting there and knowing that you could have had your best friend sharing in this once in a lifetime moment with you, a memory you two would have cherished forever, but instead you passed her over for 60 bucks? She definitely should have contacted you, but maybe she is embarrassed. You should have given her the benefit of the doubt and talked to her first.

Answer 5

You should have asked her what she was waiting for before going and doing that. You knew she was having a hard time with money but did it not occur to you that maybe she was trying to save up the money to go and get it?

Hon it takes time to save up enough money for a decent dress. Most people only get paid twice a month. You should have offered to help her with the cost of the dress if you wanted her to get it done NOW. You let yourself get swept away to Bridezilla land in your panic to get everything done. Good luck keeping your "best" friend. Hope she is the forgiving type.

Answer 6

sorry...but shes your best friend and you couldnt swing $60 to buy her dress?...it was more important for you to have the $60 in your pocket then to have her beside you on the most important day of your life?...how sad. I was on a tight budget for my wedding. I was 19 and hubby was 21...that was 2 years ago and both of us worked crummy jobs...him at a KFC and me for a cleaning company. my best friend was tight on cash so I bought her $120 dress, her gloves, her tiara and paid for her hair to be done becuase it meant more to me to have her next to me over anyone else then to have the money. abviously you dont understand that she is going through a difficult time and you dont appreciate your friendship with her if you could replace her so easily. she probably didnt call you back becuase shes upset she cant afford it but wants to be there for you. poor girl.

then if thats how you feel about her and her husband shes better off without your sorry a** as a pathetic excuse for a friend. I hope you enjoy your wedding cake and shoes...becuase we all know how important they are.

Answer 7

She canceled because she was embarrassed to admit she did not have the money to buy the dress. This was her way of you picking someone else. You did the right thing. I would call your friend, tell her your getting so excited about your wedding, and that you hope she will attend as a guest to celebrate your big day. Good luck

Answer 8

wow, is she really your best friend? you are talking so negatively about her. do not judge her situation so harshly, if she got a min. wage job, it would ALL go to day care.

you are stressed because you waited until very late to start planning your wedding and it sounds like you are taking it out on her.

Answer 9

Why don't you just show her this question and then you won't have to worry about it anymore. This person is suppose to be your best friend and you talk about her this way. Sounds like she is better off without you.

Answer 10

You should have told your MOH that if you did not hear from her by this week, you were going to have to ask someone else. At least that way, it was here decision, not yours, and she would have no reason to be angry.