4 years ago, I gave birth to a little girl. Her father didn't want any children and I was on birth control when I concieved. We went our seperate ways. I fianlly went after a DNA test to prove that he was the father becuase he has denied her to his family. BUt he has said to me the he beleived he was her father. I have not asked him for child support, and I will not, I wish for him to sign off so that my husband may adopt her. However I still wish for her to know her father's family. Am I doing the right thing by her, asking them to give my child a chance?
2007-08-07 18:18:39 · 16 answers · asked by victoria E. 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have not told my duaghter about this. I won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I just don't want her growing up hating me beacause of how her father feels.
2007-08-07 18:28:51 · update #1
I wouldn't force your child on the father's family. If they contact you and want to see her that's a good thing but if they don't want to see her you'll just be hurting your child if you try to force them.
2007-08-07 18:22:34 · answer #1 · answered by Melius 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"I have not told my duaghter about this. I won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I just don't want her growing up hating me beacause of how her father feels."
WHAT? She is 4! You are the mom. Why is her dad's family allowed in and not him? It would be good to have all the family being family. This just doesn't make sense to me, I guess. Her daddy's mom will be called Gramma, but daddy will be, who? Uncle So-and So? You have a long time before things have to be explained. I hope you make the right choice for HER. And unless she has the intelligence to understand all this talk, (being 4 and not 14) what is there to "push" on her?
Every child deserves a chance and a loving family, but where are you drawing the line?
2007-08-11 19:24:21 · answer #2 · answered by maureen g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did the dna test come back positive? If he indeed is the father of your little girl, she has every right to know him and his side of the family. You are indeed doing the right thing by asking them to give her a chance. She's an innocent child...a gift from above. If her biological father doesn't want anything to do with her, then that's his loss. I'm sorry for that. But if your husband is willing to adopt her, than she's better off. But if her biological grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc, want to know her, then they should be able to. I know that I'd be devastated not to know my neices/nephew. Being an auntie is the best thing in the world.
Definately a pat on the back to your husband. It takes a real man to be a father.
Good luck to you and your daughter. I wish you the best.
2007-08-08 01:28:56 · answer #3 · answered by yadal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He denied her why would you want her to know that her father did not want to know her or have anything to do with her? He had his chance when he found out that you were pregnant and then hid it from his family. Have him sign over his rights so your child will have the real love a father unconditionally. When she gets older you can tell her the truth and let her decide if she wants to see him, but now you have to do what is right for your child's happiness and giving her real love from parents that truly love her.
2007-08-08 01:30:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do not need to ask them to give your child a chance. You are the best chance your child has, and it sounds like you have a husband that is willing to help you do that by adopting her. What you might consider is making available to her the information one day she will crave about her biological family.
I was also adopted, and having that information available at the right time and given without hesitation or ill feelings would have made a huge difference.
Good Luck.
2007-08-08 01:27:36 · answer #5 · answered by tynquerbelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this right: Your husband adopts your daughter as his own without child support from the father. (by the way that is absolutely sweet) But you want your daughter to know her biological family without knowing her father. When she gets older you will have a tough time explaining this one. You need to uncomplicate things now for your daughter's sake. Either allow your husband to adopt her with no child support from the father and no to relationship with the fathers family OR petition for child support and allow father visitation and she will get to know her biological family and have a real daddy to boot. But you can't have it both ways.
2007-08-15 14:26:19 · answer #6 · answered by inhis_image 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May i start by saying CHILD SUPPORT is just that support for your child.Do not let him get away with this even though you are grateful for a man whom will take care of her.It's not really good to keep a child from grandparents or cousin .Have you ever heard of kissing cousin,because families need to know each other so we don't have cousin marrying cousin or brothers or sister's marrying each other.You are doing the right thing to introduce her to them.I don't see any harm.This is hard but fair for your little girl.Good Luck with this because this is your little girl's life just really getting started to where she will be asking about these people.Please for the child everyone must just get along.God Bless you and your child,your husband.WORK IT OUT!!!!!!
2007-08-15 13:23:29 · answer #7 · answered by girlygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ABSOLUTELY you are doing the right thing. Kudos for you for handling it this way. Go ahead and establish paternity not only to put to rest any questions her biological father may have but when you daughter is ready she will be able to know this information. Especially in the event she needs to know medical history and things of that nature and it provides her the opportunity to get to know that side of the family if she chooses.
Your handling of this situation benefits all involved. A rarity in this day and age. Good for you.
2007-08-15 07:32:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough decision to make! I understand wanting them to know her, but I would probably let them make that call! If they are not good to her, then you would always regret your decision to let them spend time with her. I have a 3 yo girl and would hate for her to be hurt. I think it's a great idea for him to sign off his rights, however, so that a father that loves her can have legal rights to her. Good luck in whatever decision you make!
2007-08-13 22:44:19 · answer #9 · answered by threekidslater24 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what you are doing now. when she turns 21 tell her all this mess and let her decide what she wants to do. get the stuff so you know where they are too look up this will help her make decisions she may wan tto make. this is how i would do it. i was adopted didn't have any choices and it was very hard to do things of which i could have had easier time had the truth been told to me early enough
2007-08-15 21:18:18 · answer #10 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋