Was my dad or my fiance wrong?

Question

I was in a relationship for 6 years. It ended two years ago. My ex had a daughter who was loved by my family and myself. 6 months after we broke up, the ex moved in with his baby mama (didn't last 3 months). Even with this I still went and picked the daughter up and let her stay with me. I entered into a new relationship last year (and will be getting married in Sept. ) I had cut off all ties with the daughter and it had been over a 11/2 yrs since I had seen her. My ex had called 2 weeks ago and I told him I was getting married and not to call anymore. The daughter showed up at my dad's house to stay this week. My fiance was upset and didn't want her at our house. I respected his wishes but everyone says we are wrong. Who was wrong? (By the way, I went through this last year with my dad and told him how uncomfortable I felt about it so he didn't let her come. I was surprised to see her but my dad had spoken with her on the phone but didn't tell me)

I know that the child did nothing wrong. For all of you who are thinking of her what about my future? Think of all of the people you have dated with children: Do you still go and visit them and let them come over to your house? No, I am sure you don't. When the relationship is over everything is over.My fiance is my future and what makes him unhappy makes me unhappy also. He is not heartless. He doesn't bring his exgirlfriends' kids around the house so why should I?

Answer 1

I have to say that your dad and family were wrong. Because they have grown attached to someone else's child and trying to forge a family unit around this young girl. Even though you are broken up with her father. I think you need to make it clear to everyone that you have moved on and that the girl as sweet as she may be, is no longer your concern or theirs, because there is obviously no future with your ex as you are marrying someone new now.

Answer 2

Your fiance was wrong you build a relationship with this girl long before he came into the picture. If the relationship with your ex was over 11/2 years ago you still allowed her in your life. Should not expect for your family to cut ties just because you did it and had no reason to be mad because they allowed her in their life. It may be true that some people do not bring their ex kids around fiance but who are we to tell them they should not contact them. The kids do not ask to put into the middle of relationship and we should not ignore them because we are not in that relationship. What if he had a kid by another woman and she did not want her around you would she be wrong? That is his kid but you have to respect how that mom feels so why can't he respect that your dad still treats her like family. If you both feel that way sty away from your dad's house otherwise your dad can have her there as long as he wants. This kid is not trying to put you back together with her dad and she is much as family as he is going to be. Think of this you are about to get married, what if your dad said that for no reason that your fiance is not allowed at his home would he be wrong? No, that is his home tell your fiance to get over it she is family and if your dad contacts her and allows her to stay that is his right.

Answer 3

When you enter into a relationship with someone who has a child you are agreeing to be apart of the childs life. It is very unfair to wash your hands of this girl completely just because of your new fiance. You dont have to play the mother role but letting your dad being a part of her life might be the the most stable thing this child has right now. No one can force you to be a decent person.... but you did bring this upon yourself when you entered in a relationship with someone who had a child. You let everyone become attached but now that the finace says you must be rid of all reminders of your past relationships including the child you are ready to only think of yourself and not the girl and how she must feel.

Answer 4

no,you weren't wrong to ask if he would wear them - they clearly have a lot of emotional sentiment attached to them.your fiance was actually in the wrong for saying you were wrong.he should have considered the honour of wearing your dads cuff links!sit down,and tell him how you feel about them and how you think it would be a lovely gesture to your dad on your big day if he just doesn't like them,fair enough.you can still have them,maybe in your bouquet or sewn into your dress.if your brother is giving you away,he could wear them but your fiance should not have dismissed the idea out of hand - its not like you ordered him to wear the cuff links!i think you're absolutely correct that these links would have been worn at your wedding,and i don't see any other way that you could honour your dad in a higher way.your fiance should want to do this,as a sign that he will take of your dads little girl im sorry for your loss and i hope these cuff links find a place at the wedding EDIT:in this case,talk to your fiance again.if he is really adamant that he doesn't want to wear them,then look at having them tied into your bouquet.he could compromise by wearing them for the ceremony and changing into his own for the reception

Answer 5

Wow....I keep reading your questions, and I am amazed at how callous you are. You were part of this young lady's life for 6 years...your family was her family...Just because you are no longer with the ex does not mean the daughter shouldn't be able to contact your family or spend time there. It is not her fault your relationship with her father did not work. Don't punish her for it.

Your fiance is wrong. He is being selfish, jealous and he has no reason to be. This young lady is not trying to take you away or cause any problems...she is spending time with someone she considered family for 6 years of her life.

Stop being so self centered/selfish...with your ex's daughter, and with your best friend that you kicked out of your wedding. The world does NOT revolve around you, and other people have feelings too. Please try to remember to think of others before you make decisions that will have lasting, painful consequences for people other than you.

Answer 6

Well, nobody is really wrong, it's kind of just really awkward. The fact that the girl is there is a constant reminder to your fiance that you were once somebody else's. Then again she is only a child and it seems you had a close relationship with her to have picked her up even after you broke up with your ex. If you or you parents want to have a relationship with this child that shouldn't be a problem. You told your ex that you are getting married and that was all you needed to do. As long as he himself says out of your life and or marriage than it shouldn't be a problem. If he starts to actually interfere with you marriage than the child would have to be could out of your life and if that happens try to explain it to your parents so they see it from your side as well.

Answer 7

i know this is uncomfortable for you and youre fiance but the child loves you and youre family and its nothing wrong with that and i feel like you and youre family should be able to see her and i know youre fiance dont like it because its kind of a slap in his face but you need to explain to him that you love the child and you dont wont youre ex back and if he doesnt understand or feels like its gonna cause problems then maybe she could still go to youre dads house and maybe you go over and see her for a little while but youre ex could be using his daughter to get you back in his life ! so be careful of youre choice ! if it was me i would cut off all ties ! and start my marriage off right not with someone elses kid in my life or causing problems ! thats probably what the ex is doing hoping that he causes yall to break up thinking he will have another chance with you

Answer 8

All three of you are wrong. You're dad should have told you they still keep in contact with the girl. You're fiance needs to grow up. Just because the girl is around does not mean you are going to get back with her father. You are more wrong than any of them. You developed a bond with this girl over six years, and after breaking up with her father you just kicked her to the curb. She more than likely looked up to you and you didn't show her a very good example. This little girl is innocent in all this. You shouldn't get mad at your parents for still seeing her, she probably sees them as grandparent figures.

Answer 9

You had a very special relationship with a little girl. It appears that she really looked up to you and counted on you and you bailed on her because someone else (your fiance') was telling you what to do. You didn't HAVE to cut off ties with her - you chose to go along with someone who was being selfish and insecure. If you had stood your ground in the first place, you wouldn't be dealing with any of this. You need to stand up now and tell everyone what relationship YOU are choosing to have with this child and pursue it. If your fiancee says she cannot come to the house, tell him his mother can't come to the house either then. I don't hold much hope for this marriage if he feels he can tell you what to do and you are gladly going along with it.

Answer 10

It's really a hard situation to be in. But I would say that your fiance is wrong because you were being the better person, and trying to help him out. He should consider himself lucky that there is someone that his daughter can stay with that will look out for her. There aren't that many people left in the world that would do that. God Bless you!