molested and marriage?

Question

k i am 17 yr old f, and i was molested 3 years ago by a teacher, i have gotten help but still am in a lot of pain that i sometimes dont know how to handle, i am terrfied of guys and wonder who is going to hurt me next (i dont think all guys are bad, i am just scared), even though i have time till i want to date for marriage I am terrified of tha fact of being touched or even being around guys. What should I do

Answer 1

First, I hope the teacher was found guilty of his crimes....... Now to your question. Since this happened by apparently someone you were supposed to trust & should have been a role model & adult mentor for you, now your not sure who you can trust anymore, correct? You have to remember, this is not the normal thing, teachers so not do this kind of thing, (or shouldn't be). Not all men are like that, your friends won't be like that, boyfriends should not be like that. Talk to a counselor at school, get some help & when it comes time you feel like dating, hang out as a group with other friends until you feel comfortable. Don't be scared to tell people who are your close friends why you are scared to be alone with one boy/man at a time. If they are your true friends they will understand & won't push the matter. When it comes time to be more one on one with dating, maybe have the boy over to your house to watch movies, have a meal. You can have some amount of privacy while still having other family members close by until you feel you are safe again. Take your time, so not rush it. When you fell you can trust someone to be alone with them, you will know it, you will fell it, you will want to be alone with them out of what might develop into love eventually.

Answer 2

You can get therapy at your local family services. You can find their number in the phone book or on the internet.

You are worth it and deserve to start to heal. It will live inside of you until you get professional help.

I am married and an AMAC (adult molested as a child).

It is exactly how you imagine it might be. But having a man who cares and is patient and most importantly, doesn't continue the abuse, is how I deal.

I am still in therapy and believe it is very helpful.

You can't ignore it. It won't go away. Without treatment, it will only cause problems in other areas of your life.

Please see the value inside of you and get some therapy. If you don't like your therapist, keep looking. There are big differences in therapists. Find the right one for you.

I also have an online self help group you can join. It's brand new so you'll be one of the first members.

See my source to join.

Answer 3

Know that your age there are alot of guys just out to get sex and it sucks and makes your situation worse. Really don't worry too much about guys right now. Just concentrate on healing. Heck it was only three years ago that you were hurt, so it takes some more time to heal. You will find the right guy sooner or later, heck he may find you. You will know who you can trust, if you have any doubt about someone then most likely you need to stay away from them. be sure to let the person you fall for know whats going on with you from the get go so he wont feel like he's doing something wrong. If he freaks and cant handle it then move on.

Answer 4

I am so sorry that you have to go through this; no one deserves that. You say that you have gotten help, and I'm assuming this means you received counseling. You need to continue that. If my assumption was wrong, then you need to get some right away. You have to remember to be cautious, but remember that not all guys are evil. Your thoughts are fears are understandable. Maybe it would be helpful for you to find a support group and talk with women who have been through the same thing as you, and you could hear how they learned to trust again. Best of luck!

Answer 5

Hi

Having a fear of being touched sexually, or not sexually, is a defense system your mind has built up to protect you from being abused again. It is a very normal fear to have after being abused.

Try to seek a counsellor who you can build up trust with and begin to tell what happened. It sounds like you are suffering from PTSD, which isnt suprising after the horrific experiance you have had to endure.

Dont push yourself to find a date, take your time to heal from the abuse, unforunatly guys your age only want sex, but you may find a guy out there who is willing to wait till your ready and understands you.

This website is for survivors of abuse and rape, and can offer support and adviceto you.

Hope this helps

Answer 6

Hi,
You have undergone a deep physical and emotional trauma. The emotional trauma is not easily healed. And getting apprehensions before marriage, not trusting any male is understandable. The question is how much will your spouse understand your problem? I feel you need to see a Psychologist for counseling. Some things cannot be handled by oneself or friends.
Regards,
Dr. Gupta

Answer 7

be open with guys when you do date them

but for not find therapy, support groups, write your fears down and take little steps at a time to heal and deal with what that b****** did to you. Your still youg and your whole life is ahead of you and you deserve to be happy and fall in love and I have no doubt that with a little help you will be able to do just that. even if your not ready to date or do physical things I sugges being friends with guys - I was a little screwed up about men and dating for minor reasons but I found male friendship and these guys protected e and taught me it was okay to trust and it really helped me distroy all the negative stuff in my past

Answer 8

Continue your therapy.
Journal your thoughts - feelings so you can make note of your progress over time.

You do have more to get beyond than other girls,
but so long as you are willing to work with your female therapist,
you can expect to find increasing freedom as you age and mature. Abstainence (no sex outside marriage) is best for healing -- Finding a patient husband will be your goal.
Once you are married, you will become more and more secure as time and good experiences pass.

Answer 9

it sounds like extensive counseling is the only thing that will help you over time. This is someone you confide in everything and can't be told to ANYONE.

How horrendous that this could happen to you. I hope you can overcome it and you will be able to but only with the help of a professional. I can't emphasize it enough. If your parents don't know, they absolutely HAVE to although it will be difficult.

Know that every man is not going to treat you this way and do your best to move on.

Best of luck

Answer 10

Try to be as realistic as possible. Try to trust males as friends (even your dad or brother) I don't mean go hang out alone with some guy. I mean create bonds with the "Safe" males in your life: your brother, cousin, dad, grandpa etc.. this will help you later on. Creating good male/female relationships now will help you not be so afraid when you get older. Best of luck! Stay strong! Remeber recognize people for what they are good or bad, be realistic.