I wonder if I should feel bad about this...?

Question

I offered to write the addresses on wedding invitations for an acquaintance (I have calligraphy-like penmanship) because I like doing it and because I think she is a really nice person. We never discussed money for me doing the invitations but I did make it clear that I really like doing it and I wanted to and that it was a favor...I also said that I wasn't expecting to be invited to the wedding just because I was going to do the addresses either...it was all said very lightly and we laughed and she said that whe would like me to do them for her. I dropped the envelopes off to her today and she handed me a thank you note and it had $100 in it. It took me off guard as I did not expect anything for what I did...I just wanted her to like them. I refused the money and gave it back to her...after a couple of times trying to give it back to me she finally stopped. I felt like crying. What I wonder is...should she have put money in the card? Would something else have been more appropriate?

Her trying to give me money for what was meant to be an act of friendship made me feel stupid...like she thought of me as an employee. I wasn't expecting anything and was very surprised that she even wrote a note instead of just saying thanks when I dropped the envelopes off. After I thought about it I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that she would do something for me but a token gift like a candle or something that cost about $10 would have been so much more appreciated. I just wish I could give something without someone taking the joy out of it.

Answer 1

I'm going to give a more analytical--deeper insights here so, although you've received wonderful and appropriate replies already--here is another viewpoint:

Since you're not a close friend to her--from your comment about her NOT having to invite you--I assume this is just an acquaintance.

Close friends (as I'm sure you know) do favors for each other all the time as acts of friendship. This is just the normal ebb and flow of what it means to have a friend.

This person does not consider you a friend. She was nice enough to value your time but she is not the kind of person who valued your offer of friendship.

She is putting an impersonal distance between the two of you for the purpose of not owing you anything and because she wanted what you offered (the wonderful penmanship) on her wedding invitations--she did not, however want a friendship with you.

You seem like the kind of loving and giving person who can easily be taken advantage of by people who are self centered, selfish and users.

Frankly, you valued HER friendship and NOT your own time. I'm sorry that she was not the hoped-for friend that could be a friend in return.

Don't waste your time giving of yourself to people who don't value YOU.

Answer 2

I think that was very generous of her, but you did the right thing by not accepting the money. She probably is very busy with the wedding and thought rather than giving you a gift certificate, she might as well give you the money. You told her it was a favor and that sounds a little like she ows you a favor in return. I would just tell her, that you had really fun doing it and that you needed the practice to keep up the good work.

Answer 3

A lot of people think money is an acceptable thank you and don't mean to insult you in any way. They are uncomfortable accepting such a gracious and generous gesture as yours by doing her invitations. You might tell her again that you found it fun to do and didn't feel right about taking money for it.

Answer 4

She probably felt like she had to do something to show you how much she appreciated your help. I admit, it probably wasn't the best idea. She could have taken you out to eat or offered her help for something in the future.

Just call her and explain again why you didn't want to accept the money and if she still wants to thank you for doing the invitations then let her take you out for a drink or something.

Answer 5

Too late to worry about the "what if's"
Perhaps you could have politely said thank you and then gave the money back as a surprise wedding present?

Answer 6

You did the bride a wonderful service. She appreciated it and wanted to pay you. Although you wanted to do it out of friendship, she felt obligated to pay you for your time and work. Don't think of the money as her way of thinking of you as an employee or something. If it really bothers you that she gave you this money, than donate it a charity that is dear to you and help someone that needs it.

Answer 7

You should have accepted the money. Maybe now you could contact her and say "I'm sorry if I made the situation awkward, I just had no idea you were going to pay me. Consider it my wedding gift to you."

Answer 8

Your friend is a very good friend in deed however you should have accepted the gift because she's a friend and perhaps taken her out to an awesome lunch with the money.
Imagine how she felt.
She did the right thing and it was done out of friendship

Answer 9

She wasn't trying to insult you. I think she was just trying to show her appreciation in a tangible way. You should have accepted the money graciously--perhaps adding, "Ah, that wasn't necessary," but accepting it anyway. But it's done. Let it drop unless you feel that you hurt her feelings by eschewing her kind gesture.

Answer 10

She was trying to pay you for your time. Since you never discussed money, I'm assuming she came up with a price or a gesture that she thought was fair. I think she meant it to be a simple gesture of thanks. In terms of what's more appropriate I think she was okay.