Whom should I tell, and what should we do to prevent my 13 year old step-daughter from having sex?

Question

My husband and I, are fairly strict with our children. I recently discovered that my 13 year old step daughter and her boyfriend are sneaking around to have "sexual pleasure" moments. We have had a sex talk to my step-daughter, but we feel that 13 is to young to let something this precious to go out the window. My husband has confronted her mother and her mother basically wants no part of it. While at our house, we have a 100% supervision rule, if grown-ups aren't there, they aren't going alone. Her boyfriends mother and us have talked and she knows about it but we don't know what road to lead down. We definetely don't want rebellious children on our hands. Any Suggestions?

Answer 1

put her butt on the pill! then take her to a planned parenthood center or something similar and EDUCATE that girl about what she is doing!

the least of your worries is that she ends up pregnant..the worst...she ends up with an incurable STD.
education is power. if she knows WHY you are so concerned maybe she will be more inclined to listen to you.
children rebel because their parents want to dominate w/out giving reason. when you educate them...it allows them to understand where you are coming from, and eliminates the tension and the resentment.

Answer 2

When it come to the father situation, 13 years old can be tougher than you may think, I would let her meet her father but prepare her for both situations. Now the face that she is having sex, can be the need for attention or just the feeling of being alone. My recommendation take her to the OBGYN get her check the sooner she know if she is pregnant the better. Second if she is not pregnant its time to teach her how to be safe about it. Now i am not saying to tell her that its ok to have sex at such a young age but if she is going to have it let be safe. Third take her to an HIV clinic this will remind her that having unprotected sex can also lead to a major disease. And finally take her to see a therapist because if she is having sex because she feels alone the therapist can do wonders. I wish you the best of luck and i hope i was able to help.

Answer 3

Out of all the answers I think AKA Mommy has it right. At 13 your step daughter is trying to find her self and this rebellion is normal. If you try to keep her away from her boyfriend its just going to make her want to be with him more.

If this was my child I would do what AKA suggested. Take her to planned parenthood and have them give her the sex talk. They have dealt with std and unplanned pregnancy more then you have and will be able to give it to her straight. Also put her on the pill and make sure you reinforce the use of condoms to protect her self in case she does decided to have sex. Also letting her see him in a supervised situation such as she can go to the movies with her friends and him if you drop her off and pick her up. Or he can come over when you are home and they must stay in the living room.

I wish you the best of luck and keep in mind that this will end when she find herself. Just keep your cool and remember what it was like being 13

Answer 4

theres not much you can do unless you want to totally alienate your stepdaughter, and even perhaps ruin both children's lives. I do agree thirteen is far to young to be dealing with that, but since she already is going there, i would agree with the above responces, make sure she has all the information, get her birth control to prevent pregnancies, but be firm in your instruction that you and your husband would prefer that she not do this until she is much older.

IF you forbid her to see this boy, most likely she will anyway and then 4 months later its "mommy daddy im pregnant"

I applaud you with talking to the boys mother, and the 100% supervision rule at your house. perhaps more meetings with the boys mom would be a good thing so everyone can be on the same page.

Answer 5

Sadly, you can't stop them. You can, however, provide full information. Don't forget that this is quite normal, and don't make the mistake of thinking of kissing and petting as being in the same category as intercourse. While 13 is way too young for intercourse, what is having a boyfriend about if not kissing? :)

I would suggest you make a rule that both kids keep their trousers on, but your step daughter should come and talk to you when she feels like she'd like to go further. As you are aware, there's more to sex ed than preventing pregnancy and disease. Firstly, no one should go to bed with anyone they can't/ are too embarrassed to talk to about sex. Tell her that. Secondly, explain you want her first time to be good. You do want that, you just don't want it now!
I'd also recommend that when she comes for the "further" talk, you tell her not to have intercourse until her and her fella can give each other orgasms.
Sadly, my mother never gave me any of this advice, just "don't get into a situation where you can't stop yourself." Really helpful eh? Now I have my own daughter, so I have put a lot of thought into what kind of sexual morals to teach her. Locking her in her room until she's 25 isn't an option, sadly!

Answer 6

I believe very strongly in "people are gonna do what they're gonna do," but 13 isn't a good age to be getting pregnant at and it's young enough for parents to actively control aspects of their lives. 13 should be old enough to reason with logically and explain the potential consequences of their actions, but if they really want to do it they'll meet up without your consent and still do it.

Use scare tactics if you feel you have to(exaggerated happenings with pregnancy and I know some schools carry a lot of the types of video's to scare kids of out wanting to have sex with worse case scenarios.) And you should also confront her boyfriend.

What I would do is find out if one of the two is pressuring the other one, or if they decided it together, and hound whoever that is.

Answer 7

Are you serious!!? Are you the parent(or guardian )or not? She shouldn't even have a boyfriend let alone be thinking about sex. All contact should be cut off from the boy. And what do people mean," they'll just sneak around anyway"? How so? Are you not her transportation"? I can't believe I'm even giving an answer to this. YOU ARE THE PARENT, YOUR STEP-DAUGHTER IS A CHILD. Yes, she may "hate" you for not being "understanding" or her "friend", but a parent is not supposed to be a friend. Parents are supposed to PROTECT their children and uphold their Honor when a child can't or won't do so themselves. Yes, honor. What is that anyway? Your step-daughter should read up on it.
IF SHE STARTS SLEEPING AROUND AND DOING FAVORS NOW, HOW LONG OF A LIST WILL SHE HAVE BY THE TIME SHES 16? By that time she will have earned the title of: easy, sleazy, hussy, etc. All because she "loves" this guy and, "you couldn't possibly understand what I feel". Please, I've heard all of the reasons children give for needing to "express their feelings", and it's hormonal BS!!! Believe me she will thankyou when she's older.

Answer 8

It sounds as if you are in a losing battle unless you can prove her mother to be unfit in court. Do you really want to go there? I agree with your rule... My mother had the same one and thank God for it! 13 is way too young! If the boyfriends mother is understanding, then why doesnt she put her foot down and not allow her son to the house when she is with her mother? You arent there to be their friends but to protect, guide, and love them.

Answer 9

You say fairly strict...get stricter. I don't think a 13 year old should even be going out of the house alone. She shouldn't have a bf at 13 either.
Unfortunately, since the mother thinks this is no big deal, you don't have 100% control. But be a better example at your home, and stress how much you love her.

Answer 10

I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend until I was 18 and I was married a virgin. I personally don't think that a 13yr old should have a boyfriend/girlfriend but that is my opinion.