i dont know what to do with my daughter?

Question

my daughter is 17 years old and spoiled and disobedient! i buy her things that she does not even have to ask for but i know she wants - and i pay for her dance classes and i feel that she makes the whole family revolve around her and her schedule. I'm even throwing her a huge 18th birthday party because i want to do it for both of my daughters so it will be memorable. she also dumped a very decent guy that i begged her to stay with...she makes bad things up about him saying "he's a jerk" or "he's a player" when i have actually met him and he seems like a complete gentleman. the latest thing she's done for me is get a job but now she complains about how she will be late getting to work because she wont have the car right after school. what do i do with her!

Answer 1

Are you the parent here? If so then act like one!! If she is spoiled, then you have no one to blame but yourself. Have you tried going to parenting classes. She is a little old to change now, but they can instruct you on making some positive changes in yourself, which will help you with your daughter. As far as the boyfriend, you can't force your daughter to like someone, and if you only met him once or twice, he may not be as nice as you think.
With the work situation, most places will work with teenagers (knowing they have school and activities), tell her to talk to her boss, and explain the car situation. They will probably work with her and adjust her hours to suit the situation.
Quit "just getting her things" because you know she would want them. Most people have to "earn" the things they have, shouldn't your daughter be the same.
Good Luck, having a teenager in the house can be a challenge.

Answer 2

Unfortunately we all reap what we sow. You are reaping the results of a daughter who knows that she will get what she wants without asking; she will have the family revolve around her schedule; she is a little princess and knows it.

I am just a few years older than your daughter but I can say that she is very spoiled. It's time for her to start earning her own keep. It's okay to have your children live with you as a parent, but there are responsibilities along with privileges. It's time she learned responsibilities.

Next time the bill for her dance classes comes in the mail, give it to her and say "it's time you paid for it". Lots of high schoolers pay for their own activity fees so this isn't a surprise. If she refuses or throws a fit, leave it in her room and don't touch it. When the cancellation notice comes in the mail, give it to her and tell her it's her choice, she can pay for it or will no longer have dance classes.

Also, tone down the 18th bday party. Why are you indulging her?? The 18th bday isn't anymore as great as the 21st bday, and for that one they actually pay for it! Is there still a chance to downplay or eliminate certain things for the bday? If there is, I would go ahead and get rid of some things that she would otherwise no need. She can cry and throw a fit but you know what-- why spoil her?

When she turns 18, I would suggest telling her that she either has a month to get her act together, or you will have to ask her to leave and live on her own. Chances are, she will cry and throw a fit and tell you you're being unfair. But you can legally do that. If you want her to stay home, she needs to do chores, start paying for a lot of her own things, contribute to some bills, and start regarding you with respect. It's high time she start behaving like an adult.

Answer 3

Mom..........You created this girl, Now you have a spoiled ungrateful brat. The HUGE birthday party is another case of over kill. Your the parent not a friend. Tough love mom. She appreciates nothing. Stop paying for dance class. That is a perk. You revolve around her schedule? I think not. She should revolve around yours. Sit her down. Say I am sorry I spoiled and indulged you. You expect everything, are given it, and you are rude and disrespectful I did this to you. From this day on this will change. You no longer demand things, you ask. You do not complain because you won't have the car right after school. Things are earned, by good deeds not demands. Does the bf thing really surprise you? (Mom) It shouldn't after all you have said....

Answer 4

"i buy her things that she does not even have to ask for but i know she wants - and i pay for her dance classes and i feel that she makes the whole family revolve around her and her schedule. I'm even throwing her a huge 18th birthday party "
*read your own words... are you kidding me? you have not only created this situation, but you continue to reinforce her behavior by rewarding negative behavior. When a kid does something negative, you don't give, you rescind. Give her some responsibility - give her a chance to take care of herself some !!! If you don't, you'll instill the idea that she isn't smart enough or capable enough (even if you don't mean to) to take care of herself. Let her make some mistakes - she's gotta learn.

Answer 5

Sounds like she expects to be treated like a princess and has a fit if she isn't. Hate to say it, but you created this mess and I don't think there is much you can do about it now.

Don't beg her to stay with a boyfriend if she doesn't feel a connection with...that's just nuts. She has to find someone she has things in common with. He may be decent in your eyes, but if there's nothing there, there's nothing there.

Tell her as soon as she earns enough money, she can go car shopping, or ride her bike if it's feasible. OR call her employer and tell them that they need to schdule her 1/2 hour later so she'll have plenty of time to get there after school.

Answer 6

I frankly don't have a good answer for you since I don't know how you and your daughter get along, and I don't have it quite right with my daughter, as far as her helping around the house. What I can say is sincerity is a great thing. When I talk to her and let her know beyond a doubt how she is affecting me, she responds. So try just keeping your feet on the ground and saying whats real. The truth is a powerful thing.
Good luck.

Answer 7

ok well im 16 and no offense but
1.only buy things she asks for or else she might not wear them(we just say we like so we dont hurt your feelings)
2.if she has a job ,ake her pay for her dance costumes(i have a job and i bought myself a 1500 dollar mac computer)
3.thats all of us teens think about is ourselves i admit to that
4.its nice of you to throw an 18th bday party
5.you cant make her stay with someone she doesnt like he acts differnt around parent all teens do it's just a fact so believe her when she tells you he a jerk
6.have her pay for part of a used car and pay for gas that way you both win

all that you can do with her is losen up

i hope i helped!

Answer 8

Looks like you are controlling her life most of the time. Why are you doing all these things for her?. Did you ever wonder whether is she the ones who wants you to do OR is it that you are doing this for your ownself?.
Try to respect her decision, as you are not her. Both of you have different personailties and characters and therefore perception of things would be different. What can be accepted by her may not neccessaily be accpted by you. This goes both ways..

tey to understand from her views. You do not need to do anything for her. Why don't you you discuss with her before doing anything. If it is about her, do not make the decision. Let her be the one who make the decision, let her be responsible for her decision. You are only there to support her.

take care.

Answer 9

i'm never drawn to particular forces and Buffy Ninja sort stuff. yet i think of it could be very worthwhile for dad & daughter to take tai chi or karate jointly. ladies are actually not taught self-protection in the u . s ., and that they could. upload that to high quality time with daddy, and it sounds like a winner. TX mom P.S. My daughter, 21 has been swimming on the grounds that age eight. she would be in a position to make it to the remarkable of the rock climber, utilising the remarkable colored handholds, speedier than her 6' tall bf can get to the remarkable keeping any handholds he can attain. Swimming=reliable palms, legs, abs.

Answer 10

sorry to say sounds like she's spoiled. you buying her things and all of that is just making it worse. as for the boyfriend don't pressure her to stay with a guy she's only 17 soon 18. good luck