Should I say anything to my child??

Question

My son is 8 years old, and the past two nights I've sort of caught him in his room masturbating. I havent seen him do it per-se, but I know he is doing it because of the way he was acting. I know this is normal, and I don't have a problem with it, but should I have a talk with him (or have his dad talk to him) or should I just leave it be? Is it time for a birds and the bees talk, or should we just wait until he is older?

Might I add... I am his stepmother, in a relationship with his mother. He lives with us full time, but sees his dad on the weekends.

Answer 1

When children masturbate, there is NOTHING sexual about it. When a baby hits themself with a toy, it doesn't feel good, and they won't do it again. Boys (and girls) start playing with themselves very early, they're exploring their bodies. They touch certain spots and it does or doesn't feel good, when it feels good, they're gonna do it.

Without embarrassing him, you have to make sure he understands that his parts stay away until he is in his own room, alone. And unless it takes over his life, let him enjoy himself.

Answer 2

I would leave it to his dad to talk to him about it. I think it's a good idea to talk to kids on a regular basis about the birds and the bees and to not wait unitl the "right time" to have "the talk." I think it's good to talk casually with kids and answer their questions honestly and as openly as you can. But I do think that men need to make a special effort to talk with their sons, and it may even be more important if you are in a relationship with another woman. He just may feel that you couldn't possibly understand this part of him. I don't think it's good or necessary at all to mention anything to anyone (and not to him) about knowing that he's masturbating. What's the big deal? He's probably been doing it for a long time and will continue to do it for a long time and it would undoubtedly embarrass him to draw attention to it. There is a really good book called "It's So Amazing," which is really good for kids his age. There's another one called "It's Perfectly Normal," which is excellent as well but is probably more appropriate for a kid who is closer to 11 or 12 years old. I think books are great. Let him know that he can read it alone or with you and that you'll answer questions for him and explain things to him if he doesn't understand something. It's much better that he learn real information from you or other adults you trust or from reliable books than from kids on the school bus. You can be sure he has lots of info that you know nothing about if you've never talked with him at all about sex.

Answer 3

At 8 he should already have had that birds/bees talk with his dad. I definitely think it's time - it's better to learn it at home and know that he can come to you both then learn all sorts of crazyness at school and from his friends. And you're right it is normal for his age and there is nothing wrong with it. You don't want him to be embarassed to do it, but he should know the basics that it's behind closed doors only. This may sound silly but yuo may want to show him how to work the washer/dryer and where you keep extra sheets as well - when he has an overly active dream, he may not want to come running to you to tell you that he needs his sheets changed.

edited to add: as the step mom, I would say the mother should talk with him if she is the closest to him, but if she is uncomfortable or thinks he might be and if he is close to his dad, then i'd have the dad talk about it on his weekend.

Answer 4

Yeah, definitely time for a talk! He has either seen or heard about it from somebody else and you need to make sure his facts are straight. Just the basics though, at 8 he does not need to know about girls bodies, just his own.

Not to be the bearer of bad news, but keep in mind that when a child this young starts showing an interest in sexual things it could be a red flag for child abuse. You might also want to review what is appropriate for others to do or not do to him and what he should do if it happens. Even if nothing has happened, it is good to remind him that his safety is most important. Throw it all into one serious talk.

Answer 5

(To the first answer: It is very normal for hildren this young to masturbate. They know it feels good and they like it when things feel good. Mabey your the one who dosen't know the what puberty means)

I would just like to say, it is very good that he a step mother there who isn't a religious person who is going to hit him in the head with a Bible. But, I do think some very simple things need to be said. He might do this infront of others, and that isn't the best thing to do. But do not worry, as it is perfectly normal for children to start masturbating this age. Most children do find that certain spot that that feels good at that age. Like I said, children like to do things that make themselves feel good. You have seen the behavior changes in your son, havn't you? That proves that masturbation makes a better person. Masturbating makes one more framiler with there own body, and lets out sexual tension. Your boy dosen't have that sexual tensio yet, so this is pure incocent. No, do not have the sex talm yet, wait till he is 10-11. But, now is purfect age for the puberty and your own body talk. Explain to him what a Penis is. Explain the changes he have in his body. Explain to him that he is going to get hair, his voice will deepen, his body grows, he will get stronger, he will get to be a grown man. But, you might want to leave that talk with the Dad, but if they feel it is good to let you talk to him, then so be it. No birds AND the bees talk. Just the Bees. He dosen't need to know about the girls body at this age.

Answer 6

Like you said it is normal and perfectly fine. If you feel you need to have a talk with him let his dad do it. He will feel more comfortable with another male. But as he gets a little older I would have a conversation about sexual relationships and your stand on it. Don't let anyone freak him out over his body and what he is doing with it. If dad does talk to him maybe this is a good time to talk to him about not letting other people touch him and appropriate behavior with himself and others. Hope all this help.

Answer 7

This IS a normal thing for an 8 year old. I think its something that you can just let alone. If it becomes obsessive (he's going in his room all the time), you then need to address it. This is something that could be done by anyone of the adults. Whichever you feel he would be most comfortable with.

Answer 8

Well you should not bring up the masturbating thing. It's natural, but it is time to start having the talk with him. Don't be naive when having the talk either. Kids nowadays are having sex as early as age 11 and I know that for a fact. I'm 19.

And for the people saying masturbating at age eight is not normal either are prudes or have issues period. Everyone starts at different ages. I started around age eight, maybe alittle before hand. And I knew about sex as early as age six, blame my friends.

Answer 9

Consider talking it over with his dad. If you approach the topic with your son be sure to do your research and be careful not to make him insecure with his sexuality. After all I have seen baby reach for their private parts the minute the diaper comes off. So his action may not be as serious as you think but you will never know until you have an open none intimidating talk with him.

Answer 10

I think it is too early for the birds and the bees...that is unless he is actually asking you about it.

YOu are absolutely right, touching is normal, and perhaps it would be nice for you, or his mother, or his dad talk to him about the fact that it's okay, as long as he does it in his own room etc., Then ask him if he has any questions...don't offer info. that he isn't yet curious about.