Outraged by responses to woman who wants to give back her adopted kids!!?

Question

How dare all of you judge her that way?Have you guys personally adopted or even dealt with a kid from the system? Yes there are some that just wanna be loved but most are just home wreckers no matter what you do for them. The state lies to you and paints a very pretty picture and when you sign,they turn their backs on you and act like they have never known you. They want to get rid of them just as badly.Lots of you referred to her as a bad parent....theres only so much even the best parent in the world can do!Whats so hard to understand that these kids just dont care??Its their way or no way and when you stand your ground,they flip!All the parenting classes in the world cant help you with certain situations!As far as that stupid question lots of you asked her,what are you gonna do with your own kids when they misbehave,send them back?...No stupid people, she brought them into this world and she MUST deal with it. She did NOT give birth to these other foster kids so she doesnt HAVE to

deal with anything she doesnt want to. Thats their bio parents fault!!I dont even know her but I feel sorry for her b/c all you jerks are just as inconsiderate to her as these foster kids. Screw the system and the people in it, including caseworkers!!!

I have dealt with MANY foster kids so I personally know what they are like. Like I said,there are some who just wanna be loved like my 4 y/o baby whom I adopted and love unconditionally!! Then, you got the rotten eggs which are most of them!

Answer 1

I know how hard it can be, my mum fostered children for years. The last child my mum had made her stop fostering, we had had this child in our home from the time he was 3 years old and he left when he was 10. I have never meet a child with the behavioural problems this child had, he was abusive, he stole ran away from school and also tried to burn down our house, he made my mums life, mine and my brothers miserable.
Now why the hell would any one want to put up with a child that is not there's that behaves in this manner. The kids don't give a f*** how much they hurt you they don't care what they do to your family.
So I think this person has every right to give the little s**** back.

Answer 2

I think for that woman to admit that she could not raise the children took alot to admit. I rather see the children be moved to another family that will love them unconditionally and with a little more support then she was getting and then they will have a more stable life.

I didnt see the story, I have read a few responses, but as a child that has been in a foster home, I was so glad when we were able to be MOVED. I HATED EVERY MINUTE OF LIVING WITH THIS ONE FAMILY, but we could not do a thing. I was blamed for everything wrong - they were f'n hypocrits that just used the system and once we left-I never ever looked back. it was 3 years of HELL AND ABUSE , then we wre moved and I AM STILL CLOSE TO THE FOSTER MOM and FAMILY -TODAY -- 30 yrs later! (i just realized it was that long ago) Every day with this other family was loving and wonderful and I have an extended family because of it- HOW BLESSED I FEEL! (omg that was hard to say and share-I dont normally disclose something so personal)

So can you see what i am saying-THANKGOD! and the kids will survive- they always do IF I HAD THE CHANCE I WOULD ADOPT THEM- I WANT A CHILD SO BAD SEND THEM TO ME..
(I had a surgical accident that doesnt allow me to have children biologically) so I would take a kid in a heartbeat!!

My dear -in your rant somethings mayhave come out wrong- but we see your point and opinion and recognize it --I dont think you meant to say 1/2 the things you said in that tone

I just hope we can get people to take care of the children so they dont have to be alone...

I am 43 and single --any chances of me being able to adopt a child?

we did adopt my nephew 19 yrs ago at the age of 3months , but that isnt the same - (my mother, father and I)

Answer 3

I was adopted as an infant after spending 3 months in foster care. I love my adoptive family, so it's hard to say this, but I wish my mom had kept me. The sense of loss and emptiness I have felt my whole life has held me back from being who I truly am. I feel like I might never know that person, the person I would have been if I hadn't been busy trying to be the perfect child. I put a lot of pressure on myself to live up to the "being here for a reason", "a gift", "chosen" and "special" girl. This is different for everyone. Some feel a primal wound, some don't. Some don't feel it until they are much older or having children of their own, some may never feel it. Maybe things are different with open adoption, my records are sealed away. I don't hate my biological parents for putting me up for adoption. They did what they thought was best. They didn't have the support of their families to parent me. Hopefully you have that support and you can give your baby a life full of joy and happiness. *On a side note, she asked for answers from adopted kids only, why are non-adopted people answering? You can't base your answer on knowing an adoptee. You only know what they are telling you, not what they feel deep down inside. I wouldn't tell anyone who knew my family that I wish I wasn't adopted! That would hurt them and I would never want to do that.

Answer 4

Yes, I have dealt with kids in the system. I am a foster parent planning to adopt my foster kids. I would assume if she adopted these children from foster care, she should have had some idea what these children were like ahead of time. You get to know children very well when they are living under your roof. If she thought that adopting them would change them, well that just isn't realistic. I wasn't trying to blast her, but I think she should have thought a little more about her decision before she adopted them, especially against her husband's wishes. The fact that the agency was willing to allow her to do that should have sent up a red flag to her. And, FYI, I would not have commented on her question if I didn't have experience with children in the system. Also, she had to know that she would get some negative answers when she put her rant on here.

Answer 5

BUT the kids are the ones who suffer. If you are going to adopt, or have foster kids, you have to go into it knowing that it may be a very difficult transition for the kids and the foster parent. Being a parent, you have to love and support your kids unconditionally whether they are biological or adopted. Yes some foster kids can be intolerable, but put yourselves in their shoes. If you have biological kids, can you ever picture them being moved around from home to home? Feeling neglected, often abused?Would you give away your own child if they were not behaving? I cant even imagine the suffering that goes on for a defenseless child not to have the nurturing and love that most of us have had or give to our own children. So the answer should not be to give adopted kids back. This isnt merchandise you buy at a store with a 60 day warranty. These are human beings that need nurturing, need to be taught right from wrong, need to know that someone will not give up on them. If youre having a hard time, go to counseling, seek help.. BUT DONT GIVE THE CHILDREN BACK. IT IS UNFAIR AND IRRESPONSIBLE. Now if you dont trust yourself, then thats a different story. BUT children are our future. They are defenseless and need protection, love, and guidance.

Answer 6

I am both a foster and an adoptive parent, have 2 kids with reactive attachment disorder and I have never wanted to send them back. I chose to take them and I will raise them and love them forever. It is not their fault they are this way, they are not trying to wreck your life. They are scared, lost children and need love and support. My oldest is 14 and I have had her since she was 6, she has come a long way, still has some issues but because of my perserverance and commitment she is in a much healthier place. I attribute alot of it to my homeschooling her and spending a significant amount of time bonding with her. Both my children have been through more than most adults could fathom, if not for their bravery and perserverance they would not be where they are today. These adults made the decision to adopt, become a parent to these children, they were given full disclosure, most states even give you 90+ days with the child before they even start the adoption process, these kids were placed in their care on good faith that they would be loved and cared for and they were once again failed by adults who were supposed to love them. It sickens me!

Answer 7

All I can say is this is very sad, adoption is meant to be forever. It is true some older kids in the system can have some emotional baggage, behavior problems. However people going into adoption should know this, and be told by the foster agency about them. So they know what they are getting into. A lot of fosters have problems because they spend their entire life in the system moving from foster home to foster home. They have realized they can’t depend on adults, because they are never in the same place long enough. They feel no one cares about them.


This woman clearly shouldn’t be a mother at all adopted or biological. Because if she thinks it impossible to have a natural child(ren) with issues, she is kidding herself It probably be in her adopted kids benefit to be placed somewhere else.

Answer 8

Children are not disposable. You can not adopt them and decide they do not fit in your house, so you take them back. Parenting (whether biological or adoptive) is a Hard job...and there are times when ALL of us want to give up!!! That doesn't mean we can give the kids back! No matter how bad things get, a child deserves to have unconditional love and support...as hard as it is to give it, sometimes.

Why are you so offended? Are you the woman, posting under a different name? (This happens a lot...). Listen...if someone posted a question on here, and they don't like the Answers, they should get off of Yahoo Answers. This is a forum for feedback. It is not always the feedback we want to hear...but in this case, I really think anyone who goes through the trouble of adopting...gives a child a chance at a good home...then when the going gets tough, she/he tries to give the kids back....That is pathetic, poor parenting, and really horribly damaging to an already emotionally battered child. Shame on her.

Answer 9

WOW!!! I must have missed that ? but let me ask you this have you personaly dealt with or adopted children from fostercare? or are you a birth parent that feels the system screwed them over? I am a PROUD foster and adopotive parent from foster care. I have had notthing but great experinces!! They were always upfront and forthcomming with all the details about the children and there backgrounds. Yes I agree some children have a harder time adapting to a new family and even harder time "losing" there "real" family. But I don't feel "giving them back" is the answer. They need permancy, go to consling, both family and indivual to get to there real cause of there anger. And as for your last statement, she didn't give birth to them.. but she promised to take care of them... now she needs to step up and do it!

Answer 10

I'm also a foster parent, and frankly I'm becoming disturbed by some of the people on here who 'claim' to have foster children, and then proceed to call them names, refer to them as system manipulators, and generally run down kids who have been to hell and back. Many of these children have developed unlikeable qualities, due to years of abuse and terrible bio AND foster parents.
If people aren't up to it, then of course they should remove themselves from the system, but how about these people show other foster or adoptive parents the same consideration that they're asking for, and watch their mouths also?
Oh, and by the way, if you CHOOSE to bring a child into your life or family, you ARE responsible. If your attitude is any other than that, then don't be a foster parent!!!!!

These kids have been removed from their first parents for a reason, if you're not prepared to step in and fill that role, then stop inflicting yourself on these children. Those kids owe you nothing, they never asked you to do it, it that's your attitude it stinks!

Answer 11

Get a grip, Man! You are one bitter, angry person. It's people that have your attitude that need help. These kids are being bounced around back and forth because People like you think you can discard another Human like a piece of trash. All it sometimes takes is just one person to show one of these problem kids that THEY MATTER. They need someone to beleive in them, and show them that someone cares, so that they learn how to care. Look beneath the anger and find some worth and value in the child, and then work it. I agree that it is not a fair question to ask "what would you do if it were your kid, give it back? Because when you adopt a child, it is not an issue of giving the child back, just as it is not an issue for a birth Mom to give the child back. Work with what you have, suck it up, and deal. Do you think that these "homewreckers" as you put it woke up one day and thought it would be a nice idea to be a "homewrecker?" These kids were cheated and robbed of their childhood because they were a byproduct of Parents who don't give a ****. Drugs, Alcohol, Abuse, the list goes on. The kids act out what they are exposed to by their parents. Sure, it's tough with these kids, but maybe you can be the one who can reach one of these kids. I adopted my child at 1 year of age. He was the product of a drug addicted Mom, and his first year of life was Hell, going through withdrawl, just trying to survive at the very time when He needs that Maternal bonding the most. As a result, I have a very difficult child to say the least, but I'll tell you, when I think of his first year of life and what He went through, and having NO choice in this, it makes me love him and understand him more. Don't underestimate these kids, they ARE survivors and they are tough, but out of this toughness, try and UNDERSTAND where they came from. Grow up, Man and for God s sake, don't adopt or foster until you can see through a childs eyes.