Girls, did my mother go to far? Should I go to live with my dad?

Question

I am fifteen. When I was ten or so my mom gave me the sex talk. We are a very religous family and mom told me that masturbation is sinful and selfish. And that I shouldn't be worried about sexual pleasure.

So fast forward to last month. I was masturbating. Mom came in and we had a talk about it. She said that I needed a whoopin. She told me to bend over and she spanked me on the bottom (still bare) with a hair brush. I hadn't been spanked in a couple of years. She said that she knows that is harsh but that it was a sin and she was the mom and knew what was right. I wasn't grounded or anything but she said if it happend again I would get another one.

Is my mother just strict or is she going to far?


Ok, um, I know that I'm asking personal questions today but I just found this and see that I can ask stuff here and don't have to be embarassed.

Answer 1

Too far.

Answer 2

Honey, Honey, oh you poor thing. I'm actually crying right now, it's a real hard time right now and your going to need a shoulder to cry on. Don't hate your hubby. Give him a hug. Don't feel guilty, though I know that thats impossible. God has his ways and ideas, and this is one hard path along to the Future. Take a vacation if you can stand it, go to your familys, or just some where for just you and your husband, and have alot of toghether time alone. This, if you treat it the right way, can only create more bonds between you and your husband. In six months or so, dare I suggest, try to have another baby, or, even better, adopt. There are tons of children out there that need help, you might feel better if you volunteered as a foster parent. You sound as if you already hate the 3yr olds Mommy, try not to, through I don't expect you to completely suceed. This is going to be a hard hard time, but try to distract yourself with things you love doing. And remember, nothing is perfect, except for hope. Love with all your might, S.

Answer 3

Oh honey. I'm so sorry that your mother has turned your body into something that is shameful and wrong. You shouldn't feel that way about yourself. Your mother's religious beliefs are hers. However hitting a fifteen year old is inappropriate always. As is trying to shame a fifteen year old about her body instead of educating her properly.

I don't know that going to live with your father is going to solve your problem. He may be of the same church and religious beliefs as your mother. And any parent doesn't want to know that their child is masturbating. So there is no telling how he would handle it either. However I do believe that maybe some family counseling outside the church is needed. Maybe for you and your mother, maybe include your father if you feel comfortable. I would let him know what is going on in the home. As this is not appropriate.

You should not be taught that your body is dirty or wrong, but you should be taught about your body and what is going on with it.

Talk to your mom and dad together to try to get outside counseling. Your mother can't be hitting you.

Answer 4

She wants you to live by her values. Those are values that may not be commonly accepted in the rest of society, but they are what she wants for you. Bare-bottom paddling also seems out of the main-stream for discipline, especially a 15 year old. I wonder why your parents are not together. Maybe it is because your father does not share your mother's values. I think it is more typical for a 15 year old to be allowed some privacy, such as a knock at the door before entering. I'm not sure that you should make a decision about which parent to live with (do you actually get to make a choice?) on the basis of this one issue. Think about the other pros and cons of living with each parent.

Answer 5

yes that was too far you are not an adult yet but you are old enough to deserve privacy and too old to get spanked by your mom. I think you should go live with your dad at least for a little while cause mom sounds too strict to even allow you to be a teenager unless you want to become a nun I would stay with dad until she calms down and comes into the new millennium

Answer 6

On the one hand (unless you are just a sexual troll) it is obvious that your mother cares for you and wants the best for you. On the other hand it seems a bit extreme to spank a fifteen year old for masturbating. How do you know your father wouldn't be as harsh?

Answer 7

Every mother can be different in how they raise there child. Some or too strict and some not strict enough.
I can't speak for your mother but only for myself. I have a 4 year old son. He on occasions has touched his self I just try not to make a big deal out of it. I tell him to just put that thing up. But when he gets older I think that should be his decision and not mine. I view it as a natural part of being humane. I will respect his privacy and would never put myself or his in a position of just barging in on him in the bath or his room.
But your mother has total different views on this subject. I would not suggest moving just because of this incident. I believe I would just try to be lots more cautious and private. Good luck.

Answer 8

She must be catholic.
She took it way to far! She could be arrested for that now a days. If there is a hell, we are all going there. Masturbating is natural. Many people do and but just try not to do it when she is home or awake. If living with your dad is an option you should look into it. She is abusive bottom line.
Good luck hon!

Answer 9

I have never seen anything in the Bible that says, " Thou shall not masturbate."

But many extremely religious people do think it is a sin.... It's the way they were taught. Which I think comes from a time when everyone was extremely uptight about sex.....

So be more careful the next time that your mom is no where around. Or asleep before you attempt this again.

Answer 10

I think your mother is trying to save you from what she sees as trouble ahead. From a physiological point, sexual gratification is a natural appetite, and everyone has a need for it to be filled. As a young person, it is reasonable that the sexual appetite be restrained until you find the right time, the right man, and the right relationship for it to be employed. With any appetite, you can overdo stimulation, and create a problem for yourself. I think this is your mom's concern. Try to be more private in your personal care, and rember that you are God's wonderful daughter and wonderfully made.

Answer 11

I am 15 as well.. and my parents are divorced too. I have come across situations where I don't like my mother and her views. I have always the choice of moving in with my father. You have to ask your self is that what you really want. I mean do you think the situation will come across again when you may do it. If not then no I advise you not to move... if so then yes ... I would, but how would your dad handle it if he were the one to walk in.