what do you do if youve had a long term chronic rage problem to the point you cant even go outside & function?

Question

or be around people, because you dont have very good impulse control and are scared of losing it and having an outburst?
im 30 years old, suffered a tremendous amount of abuse and trauma in my life, bullying and victimization. i have borderline personality disorder.
ive never had a girlfriend in my life or made any friends..bullied throughout high school, dropped out, never passed any exams.
never been employed...was sexually abused at 3..ive had a big problem with rage and controlling it for a while now, years, and even though its improved, i still have alot of biterness, anger and resentment inside, and im scared to go outside, because i have powerfull feelings of rage, and im scared ill have some type of outburst.
my moods are depressingly low everday, i live alone & have emptiness & loneliness feelings constantly. i have high levels of panic & anxiety to. i have alot of anger in me towards people because of how my lifes gone.
i do have goals & ambitions i want to achieve

with my life, like overcome this. emigrate from the
uk and build a new life, and find a loving partner.

but because this rage problem and the feelings are so intense
it impairs my ability to go out and function and be around people
and im scared to go outside incase my impulse goes and i have an outburst
.
i do want to get over this, bur these feelings are so entrenched
im worried whats wrong and whats it going to take to overcome this
inner rage...is it a disorder that cant be treated?
im waiting for psychotherapy...but with this problem, im
locking myself away and are worried to go outside.
does anybody no what i could do?

Answer 1

I would start drinking, and become the life of the party!

Answer 2

Sorry to hear about the things that has gone wrong in your life. Your problems are very deeply entrenched and will take a long time to work out. Here are few things you can do:

1) See a psychologist.

2) If face to face meeting with people can trigger an outburst, try making friends on the internet.

3) Find an outlet for your anger and pent up energy. Physical activities like running, mental activities like writing poetry and painting, can both help.

4) Start a daily journal to chronicle your feelings. Better yet, start a public online journal so that you can get feedback from others about your feelings.

Answer 3

Gosh, I hate to hear all those things in your life. It is so sad.
I hope you get into psychotherapy very soon. You also sound so lonely. I know you have to be.
Do you have family that understand and know your problems?
Is there a friend to talk to? I know there are groups on line that help with so many different things and you can join and share your feelings with others like yourself and they will understand. My heart goes out to you and wish you the best.
Also try turning to God and learning what Jesus can do for YOU. There should also be some rehab place that you can enter on your own for help, or your regular Dr. prescribe.
Don't just stay in the house. You can avoid people, but get out and pull weeds, or something.