I've been out of the dating world for a few years and was not looking to get back in, but I met the woman who really is my perfect match. We have tons in common, feel like we have known each other for ever, etc etc.
However, she left her boyfriend of four years a few months ago, and is now getting into a custody battle with the father of her baby boy. She tells me that this is her priority; she needs to get this resolved before she gets into a relationship. She says she doesn't want to drag out any of her frustration onto me.
I can't seem to get across to her that I understand her predicament and only want to be there to support her. But she doesn't even want to see me until this custody issue is resolved... and that could be indefinite!
I don't want to be pushy and drive her away, because I know we could be together for a long time. But I also can't just sit on my thumbs, knowing what I'm missing!
Any advice?
2007-08-07 07:31:40 · 16 answers · asked by Cunning Linguist 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
CHECK TO SEE IF SHES SEEING ANOTHER MAN. THE SAME WORDS CAME OUT OF MY EX S MOUTH,
2007-08-07 07:38:16 · answer #1 · answered by FATCAT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel she really is your perfect match, you can give her some time to work things out. Just check in every once in a while to show that you're sincere.
I understand and respect where she's coming from. If she's really trying to resolve her problems and not giving you an excuse, that would be admirable of her. Another relationship right now would definitely complicate things including how her custody situation works out. She may be afraid of how getting in another relationship so soon would be perceived by a judge. She needs to get her head straight. In the long run, you'll all (you, her, her son) will be glad she did.
If you really want to be with her when the time is right, for now you're on friendship duty.
If she's giving you the brush off, this may be a blessing in disguise. My husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage and we have to deal with his ex almost every day. I cannot convey how difficult a path this is. Rewarding, but hard.
2007-08-07 14:51:58 · answer #2 · answered by Claire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be pushy, since it's only been a few months you should probably not put all your hopes into this maybe type relationship . you don't want to be a rebound guy they never really work out anyway give her some space and let her be free of relationships right now , if you want to be her friend then you can't want to be with her since if that doesn't work out you'll lose the friendship as well. So your choices are to take a step back and give her the space she asked for or keep trying and drive her away in the end anyway.
Good luck
2007-08-07 14:48:46 · answer #3 · answered by Devilish Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know how you feel, that you understand where her priorities lie, and that you will be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on, or any other support you would like to offer.
I think that's all you can do.
Maybe, she's afraid the father of the child will use the relationship that the two of you have against her in court.
I'm not saying wait around forever, but wait until you don't want to wait anymore.
Lots of luck
2007-08-07 14:39:59 · answer #4 · answered by cameranhand 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As difficult as it may be for you, I think you need to back off and do what she says. And you don't know whether you could be together for a long time. All you can try to predict is that you will continue to feel the way you do.
You did not clarify whether the father of her son is the boyfriend she broke up with, but in any case, she has at least one guy with whom she had a long-term relationship and from whom she has not been separated for very long. She could be dangerous to your emotional well-being if she decides to get back together with the other guy. She gave you a warning. You should heed it.
Perhaps you could just try calling her every four or six months to see how she is doing. If she tells you not to call, don't.
2007-08-07 14:39:33 · answer #5 · answered by treebird 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to just let her deal with everything she has to deal with.
She is going about it all the right way.
If you push her, it will never work between you 2.
You said that you want to be there for her, well then do what she is asking of you and just let her get through this.
The last thing she probably wants right now is a relationship.
And if you keep pushing, you're going to push her so far away.
Just let her know she can call you whenever she wants to, but that you are backing off and giving her space.
Then leave it up to her to call you.
In the meantime, don't just sit around waiting.
Go back into the dating world or just go out to have fun.
Live your life and just see what happens.
2007-08-07 14:46:32 · answer #6 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a woman who wants to be independent so badly that she’ll shut you out completely if you let her. She’ll act like she has a heart of stone and doesn’t want to look weak. This could be worse than usual if she lost custody of a kid to her own parents and they don’t want to give it back to her, could mean that she may have more issues than it’s worth… keep that in mind.
If you still want to pursue her, go get some of her favorite take out and show up at her front door, there is nothing wrong with offering a meal and maybe let her vent a little. That should break down some of the walls she is putting up.
2007-08-07 15:07:37 · answer #7 · answered by Zero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok dude speaking as a single mom.... i suggest you back off. I've been there & done that. I've had guys want to be in serious relationships w/ me, but bottom line my kid is #1. You'll never be her #1 like you deserve to be..... I think you should give her space if she's telling you cause if she felt the same as you, she would jump all over the situation. You should find somebody else that's compatible to you. If you wait for her to figure out her problems, it may take months, yrs, & then she may not even want anything with you..... sorry. I'm just speaking from experience. You deserve to be happy, jus remember that.
2007-08-07 14:40:26 · answer #8 · answered by luv2bhapi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right definitely don't be pushy because she won't want to deal with that when she is going through custody. I would go on date other people if you can just not get into anything serious with them. Just don't sit around and wait for something that may not happen.
2007-08-07 14:39:29 · answer #9 · answered by padros 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, give her a little time before you tell her anything, just to let her know that you're not...obsessive...lol. Then make it clear to her that you ONLY want to be there for her right now. Tell her that she CAN tell her frustrations to you. That will give things time to settle a little bit during the custody battle. Then when its over, attempt to have a relationship. But for right now, you'll have to wait. Just tell her for right now, being there for her is all you want. Good luck!
2007-08-07 14:40:58 · answer #10 · answered by Advice Giver 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has a lot of issues going on in her life right now. I don't blame her for what she is doing. If you are really into her then you will wait for her. You do not want her with all of the issues that she has going on in her life right now, she does not have the time or energy. Just be patient and let her know that you are there for her and that you understand her feelings and respect them as well as her. Good Luck!
2007-08-07 14:37:10 · answer #11 · answered by CC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋