Does a pastor really have the right to tell you what to do?

Question

A friend of mine recently taught at a university where a student dropped out of college because her pastor stated that one, she couldn't be a good wife and mother with a degree and two, that she wasn't being dutiful to God because she was getting an education. Is this pastor really being a help to this young woman or is he going to end up causing more problems in the future should this young woman's husband die while being over in Iraq? What is the Christian perspective on this?

My friend never told me what denomination the young woman was or what church she was in. I just find it intriguing that this woman left college with only twelve more credits to finish because her pastor said that she should.

Answer 1

Unfortunately your friend belongs to either a Missouri or Wisconsin Synod Lutheran Church or a very fundamentalist church. In the Lutheran synods mentioned it is the responsibility of the pastor to call members back to proper bahavior. I assume that would also be true of a very fundamentalist church.

The pastor is acting within his rights (though I personally disagree with him). Your friend has a choice to how she will respond. If she chooses to ignore him, she will probably be banned from the church. Unfortunately some churches of this type practice open shunning. If she goes back to church there as an example, the pastor may point her out and tell the members to have nothing to do with her. She will then be ignored by the other members of the church. This is considered a form of discipline to help the member return to scriptural truth.

From my perspective as a pastor, I would hate to see your friend throw away a dream. When the time comes for marriage, she and her fiancee can discuss what their Christian home will look like. But for know I would hope that she pursues her dream.

But only she can make that decision.

Pastor John

Answer 2

You do not give enough fact to make any proper judgment... No man may stand between God and the individual... The relationship between God and the individual is one-on-one and personal...

If that woman is in a group that demands such absolute obediance to the dictates of a man then it is not a Christian Group... But... just the information you gave is no indication of all that must be concidered in such decisions...There could well have been some harm being done to the family unit by the mothers absence... I could make a long list of reasons for the woman to leave college.... but I could make as long a list or reasons she should continue....
it ultimatly, for those of The True Chrisitian Faith, is between God and that Woman.... if it is indeed a Christian marrage...then the husband has the final say in worldly matters however.... not the pastor.

Answer 3

Peter 5:3 contains a wonderful description of a balanced pastoral ministry: “Neither as being lords over God’s heritage, but being examples to the flock.”

There are pastors who seem more dictatorial than shepherd-like.

This woman seems to have a fundamentalist pastor that think that women are called to stay at home with a bunch of kids, and are not called to pursue a career.

People don't have to listen to this un-biblical teachings and need to study their bible to see that it doesn't say all that and this kind of reasoning come from men.

Answer 4

The pastor should have aided her in getting help with kids and pursue her college education. No he had no right to tell her what to do in this area of her education. If it was not God directed then she should not have listen to him. She should examine if she is doing her christian duties at the right church, as there are many false layman out there in the world.

Answer 5

Yes, a pastor's advice should be listened to and taken into account, but they shouldn't make your choice for you. When making an important decision, as a Christian you should:

1) pray over it, ask God to reveal the answer to you (James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.)

2) Read the Bible. God speaks through it (1 Timothy 3:16-17: All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. and Psalms 119:24 Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors.)

3) seek wise counsel. (a pastor, mentor, friend who you see as wise, parents, grandparents, etc.), but remember that its important to have more than one opinion (Proverbs 5:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.)

4) gather information (this isn't in the Bible, that I know of, but common sense calls for a well informed decision)



So thats my opinion on a pastor making a decision for you. His input should be taken into account, along with everthing else I mentioned.

As far as God not wanting women to be educated, I strongly disagree with that. Having an education does NOT get in the way of being a wife and mother. Living in our society today, it is important that everyone gets a good education. As you said before, the future is unknown. Her husband may not even be able to make enough money on his own to support her future family. She should be prepared to stand alongside him in that event and earn money by her own means.

Answer 6

My perspective as a Christian is that this poor young woman has herself in the hands of a control freak. I'm thankful that my Church celebrates knowledge, studying, the arts -- education is a GOOD thing for us.

Answer 7

What denomination was he? Some religions really stress the whole "obedient to your hsuband" thing, and doing that is the best way you can honor god. That could go along with the whole stay at home and have kids thing too.

Personally, I think the advice is narrow-minded, wrong and stuck in the 19th century.

If she has talents or aptitude for something, she'd be dishonoring God by not using them or hiding them. After all, they're "God-given". There's some quote by Jesus about not hiding your talents under a bushel or something.

Answer 8

As a christian, I'll give you my perspective, and that is that this pastor needs to get into another line of work. I don't know what kind of church it is, but I certainly wouldn't allow any daughter of mine to attend there. As far as I'm concerned, education first, then when they're ready, get married and start a family, if they choose.

Answer 9

"Many will be called but only a few will be chosen"

A pastor is human, not God. If God called this friend to pursue their education and career they need to listen. If man (the pastor) tell you something that may be against what God told you, test the spirit. Trust in God, not man.
I hope your friend finds her path and stays on it.

Answer 10

I would not attend a church with a pastor that makes these kind of statements. What a jerk! He is obviously living in the dark ages. I feel sorry for the women in his family.