Was I wrong? Or did this mother go too far?

Question

I smoke..a dirty disgusting habit, I know...and I'm currently exploring options to help me quit. In the meantime, I go outside two or three times a day for a cigarette at work. My office is located beneath a pediatritian's office, and there is one designated smoking area at the back entrance of the building. This morning while outside having a cigarette in the smoking area, a woman walked up with her young son (maybe 6 or so). I smiled, but she shot me a dirty look and preceeded to tell me how rude it is to be smoking with children around, and that she would hate for my actions to negatively influence her child or the children of others. She then put in a complaint to the manager of the office building asking that he remove the ashtray from the area. I was't blowing smoke in her (or her child's) face or anything, and I was standing as far from the door as possible. Did I really do something wrong here? And shouldn't it be the parent's responsibility to teach their kids not to smoke?

luisamapacha,
I AM exploring options to help me quit. I know how detrimental it is to my health, and I don't want to do it anymore. I tried the patch, but it made me sick, so now I'm discussing other options with me doctor. Is that really so hard to believe?

Answer 1

The mother was way too judgmental and I think she was out of line speaking directly to you in such a manner -- just think what she was teaching her child by speaking like that!!??!!

If she was upset with the situation she should have spoken directly to the manger of the office building or to the manager of the pediatrician's office, not to you.

If you were in the correct smoking area you did nothing wrong.

Answer 2

You did nothing wrong. As long as a person is smoking in the 'Designated' area, they are breaking no rules. The mother on the other hand was totally out of line. Everyone has 'Vices' and it is up to the parents to explain the consequences of certain vices to their children. People have Free Will despite some thinking that they can 'Dictate' the actions of those around them.

As a former smoker I commend you for trying to quit and know first hand how hard it can be (made even harder when close family and friends smoke in front of you).
I can't promise that this will work for you, but try this little trick....place a pack of Cigs in a drawer that you constantly open and next to them place something you enjoy (gum, hard candy, suckers)...when you open the drawer, you will be confronted with the cigarettes and the alternative. Reach for the alternative and tell the cigs 'I have better things to do with my life than waste it on you.' Take the alternative and close the drawer---symbolically you are shutting the door on that which hurts you----do make sure if you try this that you keep well stocked on your 'Alternative'.
After a couple of months you can throw out the pack of cigs and celebrate your new smoke-free life.

As I said, I can't promise that this particular trick will work for you, but what can you lose??? It took me about 3 months to break the habit and I went thru a LOT of Gobstoppers, but it worked and I have been smoke-free for over 21yrs and honestly I would rather deal with the Dentist and cavities then suffer from Black Lung.

Good luck and put the mean mom behind you.

Answer 3

You were in a designated smoking area at the back entrance of a building, and far away from the door. This woman decided not only to walk by, but come up to you as you were smoking, thus putting her own child right near the smoke while she ripped into you. I'd say it's her own fault. Kids are going to see people smoking every day no matter where they are, and that includes television and CARTOONS...so I agree that it's the parent's job to teach their kids "right and wrong."

PS - good luck with quitting, I'm trying as well. People would rather say that you're a horrible person for smoking while they themselves probably have some nasty habits of their own - don't let anyone get you down, you'll be able to quit with the willpower and some POSITIVE reinforcement, not people treating you like a criminal.

Answer 4

The woman has the right to request the smoking area be abolished or moved, but she is hurting her own case by her rude behavior. Everyone has a different perspective; she needs to read signs and abide by them just as you do. If she had been polite and suggested the smoking area was in a bad place and she wishes it would be moved away from the pediatrician's office entrance, you might have seen her point, wouldn't you? You might even have suggested it to the building manager yourself if she had been nice and made her point properly. This way she creates an adversary and makes her own job harder and loses a voice in her favor. It is a pity that people are so thoughtlessly rude, especially when making what could be a valid point.

Good luck on quitting; I wish I could convince my husband to quit too...but I don't push him.

Answer 5

while I do not advocate smoking, I do know from friends how hard it is to quit, so I congratulate you for making the decision to do so, and I wish you the best of luck. If you did not do anything to harm her or her child, and I do not believe you did from what you said, and you were in the smoking area, then some people are just closed-minded bigots who will never try a dose of empathy or look past their own noses. I think that mother was a little out of line.

Also, one suggestion that helped a friend of mine quit was that she took up a daily workout routine that included running and a cardio-kickboxing class; she said that the exercise and the anticipation of the class took her mind off of wanting another fix.

Good Luck

Answer 6

First of all I am a non-smoker. I feel you did nothing wrong.
The whole smoke free everywhere is getting a bit overboard.
I understand both sides and see good and bad points on each. You were smoking in the spot you were supposed to be. The womans unsolicited opinion was not needed. I wonder how she would feel if the tables were turned. Yes, it should be the parents responsibility to teach their kids not to smoke. The woman also has the option to use another entrance is she is that annoyed by people smoking

Answer 7

I quit smoking a few times before it took - and I feel your pain, trying to find a way that works for you. Keep at it.

That mother has no right at all to speak to you about your own personal habit. You were outside, not in the pediatrician's office. You were in a designated smoking area - not wandering the parking lot and blowing smoke into people's cars!

I'm in my forties - people smoked, drank, said words Y!A won't let me use, used racial epithets and still I managed, with the guidance of my parents and friends and other family, to turn out to be a reasonably well educated, intelligent, employed, non-drug addicted asset to society.

Answer 8

No. First off you are right, smoking is bad. But you did nothing wrong, you were in a public area where smoking is allowed, the woman was in the wrong not you. Though I can understand why she tried to scold you. She might just have been saving face for her child's sake. Telling you no so her child will know she is adamant about not smoking and not do it himself. I can see both sides of the argument, but no you were not in the wrong.

Answer 9

I am NOT a smoker and it makes me soooo mad when people who arent smokers think its ok to try and tell those who do what they should and shouldnt do with their life. you were in the smoking area minding your own business. she had no right to even approach you. I would be more worried about the example she sets for her child. I'm sorry, but if she is a good parent then her influence on her child should be bigger then yours. there are far worse things out there for her child to see then you smoking. as yes...smoking is bad for your health...but its not the only thing killing people and its not the only thing causing cancer so the sooner people stop trying to put the blame of every case of cancer on smoking the better off people are going to be.

Answer 10

You aren't the only person in the world that smokes. My mom, dad and my sister all smoke and have smoked for a long time.. I am 21 and I have never smoked so I guess it is the person not the influence. I wouldn't worry to much.. everyone has their bad habits and their flaws. And yes parent's should be telling their kids it is bad but it is up to at individual to determine whether this is a good choice or not. Peer pressure i's say would be more effective then a stranger...