My friend Kim was supposed to be getting married in May 08. She is still with her fiance but they have decided to call the wedding off as they feel it is going too fast. I am getting married next Aug she has offered me her three bridesmaid dresses and she is one of my bridesmaids. I have four in total but the three she has offered me would be perfect and I would then only have to buy another one at full price for my chief bridesmaid. The problem is another of my bridesmaid, Sarah, has said to me she feels it is a bad idea that I buy these as two of them would have to be adjusted for her and Kim, by two to three dress sizes. I don't think this is the real problem, but she does. But Kim is very happy for me to have them, she would rather I did than some stranger. Sarah is also getting married in Sept this year and is under a lot of stress right now so I think this may be another reason she seems to be sulking over the suggestion. Am I wrong to take the offer? Sarah seems to be sulking!
2007-08-07 05:08:43 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
When I say Sarah is sulking, she properly is getting in a huff over the idea and I don't see why. If Kim is happy to give them to me at half price and is confortable wearing one herself on the day then why is Sarah seemingly making this difficult for me. I don't want her to be huffy about this as it would save my fiance and I a bit of money and would really help me out! I just think Sarah is being unreasonable over the whole thing and making me feel really guilty if I decide to say yes to Kim. I have tried to ask Sarah about this but she just keeps going on about altering them and how much hassle it will be but the shop they were made at have said they are fairly simple dresses and panels can be added to alter the dresses, up to three dress sizes. Am I being unreasonable or is she? Please, no funny answers
2007-08-07 05:12:31 · update #1
She's the one who's being unreasonable. You say she's under a lot of stress with her own wedding coming up, so maybe it's more about her stress than the dress. Maybe she's annoyed that you lucked into a deal she didn't get, or perhaps she thinks it's bad luck to use dresses from a wedding that didn't happen.
Whatever is upsetting her, you're the bride. You choose the dresses. You've managed to get a terrific deal, the shop says they'll be no trouble to alter to fit your needs, and the bride who was originally going to use them has given you her blessing.
It's nice that you're considering your friend's feelings, but I think she's being quite silly over this.
Take the deal and tell Sarah the decision has been made. It's up to her to be a good friend and wear the dress for a few hours, whatever she may think of it.
2007-08-07 05:30:23 · answer #1 · answered by gileswench 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
VA Princess, I am guessing that the asker is in another contry, I think over in Europe the brides purchase the girls dresses for them.
I think this is extremely nice and a very giving thing to do. I can only imagine that Sarah may be a bit put off because you wont be paying full price and she already did pay full price, so that she had to spend all that extra money may have her nose out of joint about the situation. But honestly, what can you do, if the dresses had been offered to her instead, I am sure she would be singing a much different tune.
As long as Kim isnt going to use them (she has only posponed correct, what is she planning to do if they reschedule? I would make sure of her plans before anything) then why have all those dresses go to waste? Purchase them from Kim and if Sarah is hellbent on not using the dress she can either purchase a new one (and you will pay half of the dress since you have already paid half of the current dress) or she can opt to not be a part of your wedding party.
No matter what, dont let Sarah ruin your day with her attitude.
Best of luck!
2007-08-07 05:30:03 · answer #2 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your wedding, so the bridesmaids should wear what you want to have. That's a really kind offer your friend has made, I would take it, and use what money you saved on honeymoon. Altering the dresses shouldn't be a problem, my bridesmaid dress was made smaller by 2 sizes, but you should get it done professionally. If your friend has a problem with this, tell her to buy a dress of her liking, she can wear different to the others as chief bridesmaid, but be care full she doesn't find something else to sulk about ,it could be that there is a bit of wedding envy involved. Enjoy ur wedding day!
2007-08-07 05:29:42 · answer #3 · answered by angel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you're not required to buy the bridesmaids dresses. Its a nice gesture, but not something you have to do. Normally attendants are responsible for their own attire unless you decide you have to have Vera Wang or something. If you're only getting these dresses to save money, then that's ridiculous. Choose something you like for yourself for your own wedding and let "Kim" keep them in case she and her fiance decide to get married later on. Your bridesmaids dresses should reflect your taste and style and color scheme, not someone elses. And since you don't have to buy them, choose something that works for YOUR wedding at a reasonable price that your bridesmaids can afford. Its not your fault that your friend canceled her wedding, however difficult that decision must have been for her, so you shouldn't feel obligated to use her dresses so she can get some of her money back. Best advice would be to avoid all the drama and continue with your own plans as you would have if nothing had ever happened with Kim's wedding. If you get involved, it could get ugly. As for Sarah, let it go. You're not in the wrong. She's probably just stressing. You may even be reading more into it than there really is. If you truly feel that these dresses would be perfect, then take the deal. However, remember that you aren't obligated. You aren't responsible for the cost of the attendant's attire, so don't let it get you stressed out.
2007-08-07 05:42:34 · answer #4 · answered by tehuskey513 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I don't think you are wrong at all. You didn't ask she offered and if Sarah has such a problem with it, tell Sarah to go find the dress and purchase it full price if she would like otherwise, the dress will be available for her to alter. BUT, I would ask Kim again simply because she does still intend on getting married. She may need those dresses, if she insists you take them then I don't see a problem
2007-08-07 05:13:49 · answer #5 · answered by sjlova86 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think she is being a bit unreasonable all right; it's your day; your budget and your decision. you could ask her if she would like the style altered a little; but that it is going to save you a lot of money and you are standing by your original decision to take them.
I made my dress and my bridesmaids dresses, and quite cheaply too; my best friend got married a few months later and she was able to use the bridesmaids dresses - we were both delighted!
2007-08-07 07:01:51 · answer #6 · answered by marie m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a win win to me. Kim gets a bit of money back on the dresses and you get them at a price you can afford and are being generous enough to buy them outright for your bridesmaids. Sarah will come around hopefully.
2007-08-07 05:52:35 · answer #7 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's totally your decision so don't be swayed by a friend who could be jelous of your saving! As long as you are happy with the dresses and won't look back and regret having dresses someone else chose. A wedding is so expensive that all ways of saving money need to be looked into,as this is only one day so don't get into debt over it otherwise you'll end up fighting with your new hubby about money all the time. Good Luck with the wedding though.
2007-08-07 05:22:44 · answer #8 · answered by tallymac 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Personally I wouldn't want to wear a gown that had to be altered up. However, if it meant I didn't have to pay for a dress I will never wear again, I would cheerfully do it. She is being unreasonable since it;s usually up to the bridesmaid to buy her own gown. Since she is dead set against it and you have to order another gown anyway, give her the option of ordering a new gown. Just make it very clear that if she does so, you want the money up front.
2007-08-07 05:16:58 · answer #9 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If I had that option I would take her up on it as well, Dresses are such a stressful part of the wedding planning thing, already having 3 of the dresses will save time and money. Alterations aren't that big of a deal. Remember it is your wedding and if they want to be a part of it they'll do what you tell them to do.
2007-08-07 05:27:00 · answer #10 · answered by jamitha99 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋