I want kids but my boyfriend doesnt He says if i love him i will wait. I want them now What should I do?

Question

we have been together for almost 8 years childhood sweethearts and I want him to be the person I am with forever I am 19 he is 21 and he says he doesnt want kids right now he wants to get his life figured out first. He is the type of person who plans I am very spontanious and I take everything as it comes. This is not the first time I have asked him about this. At times though he does make really good points such as I am still in college I need to finish that first. But I have a job I make 17.50 an hour and I am not 21 yet I take care of us in our 2 bedroom apartment. I don't get it I just want us to have a family together

Answer 1

You're boyfriend is making good points. He is right for wanting to figure out his life first before he makes a commitment like that. Why can't you finish college, get married and start having kids then? You are only 19 for God's sake. You have no idea how much people change from 19 to 29 to 39. Take your time, if he wants to be there, he'll be there. Don't rush into anything.

Answer 2

bwahahaha! My first response was this really compassionate post about talking and empathizing etc, But really, what a load! She's seven, my three year old does more than she does. I'd say next time she's over at the house, whenever someone says their hungry, you throw a temper tantrum and say YOU are a princess and princesses don't cook. Don't clean or do the dishes. Don't make anyone clean...just have some time where no one is doing anything. Your fiance will have to put up with it, and if he gets mad tell him too bad. If the baby gets to do it, so do you! Or you could go the other way, on Saturday morning, don't tell anyone but when everyone else has finished cleaning, then pack them up and take them out to a funpark or lunch or something. Dad can stay home with the brat......I mean, baby. And you might reconsider marriage. I mean, this isn't going to go away until your fiance sees it as a problem. If he's willing to discount five other people to fulfill the brat, then I'm not sure it'd be a healthy relationship for you or your children.

Answer 3

I know how you are feeling. Some women are just ready to start a family after being in a relationship for such a long time. however, if hes worth the wait then i think you should hold on until you are ready. You are not only young, but very young. im 23, i feel the same as you do, i want to have kids soon, but if my partner doesnt, then thats okay with me. Enjoy the time you have with just the two of you. Travel, spend money on yourself, do it all while you can!! hope this helps girl!!!

Answer 4

Tell me you're joking...please
Listen, you are too young and you have a life ahead of you. When was the last time you took a real vacation? Have you done anything exciting, anything you will look back on twenty years later and say " Yeah, I had fun doing that." What I'm saying is this. You have school, career and a life that you haven't tapped into yet. I know you love him but you need to slow down. Having a family is not glamors, its hard. So, get it out of your head about having kids. Why not spend time at a daycare center and get hands on experience taking care of kids and from the point, ask yourself the question about having kids.

Answer 5

I hate to tell you this, but if you keep after him about having kids, you might end up driving him away. It's clear to me that you both want different things. The only thing I can think of that may help you out is to try couples counselling. By talking with a third, neutral party, all your issues and differences can come out in the open to be honestly discussed. It may turn out that you both want different things in life. You may not be meant to stay together. On the other hand, you might discover that he has fears about whether or not he'd make a good father or whether he'd be able to support a family. Only when you talk to each other openly and honestly about all these issues that surround you and your future will you know what to do about your boyfriend.

Answer 6

And when you get pregnant and have to leave work who's going to be "taking care of" things then?

Spontaneity is one thing. Stupidity is another. Think about the realities of what having a baby will mean. Talk to your mum or another woman who's raised a child and ask them for the harsh truth! Blow by blow descriptions baby.

You're just a kid, get out into the world, experience life. You've got plenty of time to build a family with your man, how about you try building a home first for this child to be raised in? If nothing else, think about the child's needs and the type of environment you want them born into. At least get a bigger place first!

Answer 7

how are you going to balance classes and having a baby to care for? will you be another one of the people who "takes time off" and then decides that it's just easier to not go back? as great as 17.50 an hour might seem to a 19 year old, that's not enough to truly support a family. just wait it out. let it be something you want to do together when you're both ready, not something that you force him into.

Answer 8

well i had a child accidentally when i was 17 and i made it through college and i am fine. i am now 27. Just so you do not worry to much.. but he will come around that is the same way my boyfriend was recently... but that might have been because of our first child.. but now i have a baby boy on the way... but some advice i would wait a little longer.. you loose a lot of the years you have to do the things you want to do. I would never regret my children but i am just saying enjoy the time you have dont push things.

Answer 9

That's the same thing my mother went through. I am her baby, she has 2 children and she has a boyfriend who is kind of young with no kids. They are very much in love and my mom told him she doesn't want anymore children so they broke it off, they are only lying to themselves because they are basically together. Eventually I really believe they will be married and have that child. So just stick it out eventually he'll come around

Answer 10

You'll wait if you love him. He's got a good head on his shoulders... Let him finish growing up and deciding what he wants to do with his life. Those decisions are hard enough to make, already. Kids only complicate it at your age.

and are you married? Have you talked about marriage? If you're going to play house and have youngins' running around, you should be married...