how do i deal w/ my mom??

Question

our rooms are upstairs side by side.. and she CONSTANTLY goes in there looking for stuff that she can wear like jewelry and my belts and even some of my clothes... and the funny part is my clothes wont even FIT her... i wanted to wear a bracelet the other day and i couldnt find it.. and YUP it was in her room. she never even put it back... she never asks me and never tells me that she took stuff and im never there when she goes in... but this is the thing that really pissed me off.. last night she came in and asked if i liked a shirt and she showed it to me. ok, this was MY SHIRT... but she sewed this row of sequin things on it around the neck... shes like "hey do u like this shirt.. i do but its too small for me"... like she bought it for herself!! ok ONE she got it out of my room KNOWING it was mine.. two, she coulda tried it on BEFORE she ruined it.... ughhh idk what to do about her.. i wanna ask my dad if i can get a lock on my door... is that a good excuse for it?? what can i do?

then another day.. she was in the pool for like 10 min. and she came inside with MY BIKINI top.. and shes like "can you tie this for me?"... yeah this is really pissin me off.. i need to know what i can do to keep her out of my stuff! ..i cant talk to her about it.. i tried before and shes like "DONT WORRY ABOUT IT"

im 16. she doesnt need my stuff.

Answer 1

If your mother will not respect your privacy, ask your father to put a lock on your door. Your mother is behaving in an immature manner and she needs to stop it. Until she does, you have every right to ask for a lock. Best wishes!

Answer 2

You and your boyfriend both sound very mature and smart about having sex and thats a good thing. The pill is a lot safer than using a condom as condoms can get holes in them exc. The pill is good because there is only a 2% chance you can get pregnant, and there is basically no chance if you use both a condom and the pill. However, I'm sure you know all that already. As you have made a very mature decision to have sex, I think you need to be mature and tell your mother why you really want the pill. If your periods are irregular, long, heavy and you get bad cramps you should tell her that is another reason you also want the pill. If you are under the age of 16 to be having sex, I suggest that you do stop having sex until then however as it is considered an illegal activity. Your mum may be shocked you are having sex as in her eyes you are always going to be her little girl. I suggest writing her a letter or email. If you do get the pill, remember not to have sex for one month after being on the pill as it won't work until then. Good Luck and congrats on being so mature about all this!

Answer 3

You don't say if you bought the clothes or if your parents buy your clothes. If your parents buy them your mother may feel "entitled" to it. If not, you certainly have grounds for stating the obvious, I bought that shirt and I don't appreciate you altering it in any way without my permission. I certainly would never do that to my daughters. Your mother may also be going through a "midlife crisis", where she is trying to act and think "young" and wearing your stuff makes her feel young (she probably looks ridiculous and someone should tell her so - your dad, her sister, a good friend). If you feel you can talk to your dad, do it. If not, how about an aunt, or your grandmom. Someone who can step in on your behalf. At the very least you could certainly get a lock for your bedroom door and make sure you do all your own laundry. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

I agree the thing is since you are still under her roof it will be hell for you. Unless your dad lets you get the lock. I would just move out to give you less stress. I had the same problem with my dad so i moved out when I was 17. That was 15 yrs ago. Or if the you can't put a lock on the door to the room can you put one on the closet door.

Answer 5

Go in her room and start wearing and taking her things. Don't put them back and when she tells you not too then ask her if she sees how you feel. Go get a shirt of hers dress it up in a strange way and ask her if she likes it?
Take her shopping and pick out cloths for her that you would wear but, in her size. she loves you and is trying to relive her life through you sorry there isn't much you can do. You already talked with her and she still does it. She is your Mom and you do live in her house. In time you will be old enough to move out on your own.

Answer 6

Well since you can't talk to her, and she obviously won't listen to what you are saying, it seems the only thing you can do (besides moving) is get a door lock. I had the same problem as you last year (I was 15). My mom would mostly grab my jewelry without permission so now I lock my room and she hasn't taken anything :) But......she got mad the first time she found the door locked, so expect that. Good luck!

Answer 7

Move out. Parents seem to think if you live under there roof then whats yours is theres. Tell your mom and dad to have a seat together and talk to them both at the same time about how you feel. And ask them to please listen to you before they speak. she might not stop completly but she will probably slow down. Tell her your cloths are to small and she is a grown woman. Ask your dad can he buy her some cloths and jewelry. Tell her you know she is in your room when you or not there. there are lots of discount store everywhere. make sure they understand in the beginning of your conversation, that you are not trying to disrepect them before you say all these things.

Answer 8

If you are of legal age and living at home, by all means you can have a lock installed since it is obvious your mom is close to being a kleptomaniac when it comes to your stuff. Inform her and your dad together that's what you plan to do since she is so free in using your stuff without your permission and you're the one paying for them. She has no right to using them or modifying them. Tell her she has a mental detachment about such things, and does so without any consideration for you.

Answer 9

You can handle this one of two ways. I'm going to assume you are too young to move out.

You can talk with her again and don't put up with her blowing you off. Don't get angry or dramatic simply tell her that you don't want her to wear your clothing or go through your things. You deserve privacy like everyone else. Ask her politely to please consider how you feel to not be able to trust her to not violate you in this way. Tell her you love her but your clothes are for a teenager not a grown woman. Offer to help her pick out some more youthful things of her own, and maybe something like a new hairstyle.

The other thing you can do is put notes on your things. Again, without the drama, "mom, please do not take this shirt, it belongs to me!" "Mom, this is my favorite pair of earrings, please don't take them." Leave a note on your closet door that says, "Mom, I love you and I am asking you to please stay out of my things. I trust you to not hurt me in this way." Then if she does it anyway (and she might at first), simply, again without anger or drama, say "mom, I asked you not to take that shirt and you did anyway."

Your mom is having an age related crisis, and probably because the older you get the more she see's her own mortality. She's handling it with panic and desperation, and you are going to have to be gentle with her. If your dad is useless in this, try to engage him in his wifes life by suggesting date nights and then take your mom out and help her pick out outfits for it. Good luck, I know its frustrating.

Answer 10

I would talk to her again about it and let her know that it is really bothering you.. You wish that she would respect your privacy and if it continues I would talk to my dad about it and see what he says.. You can always start buying clothes that you know that she won't like or gain alot of weight lol just teasing. But really I would sit her down and just talk to her about it.. she is tryin to be your friend and fit in with you instead of being your mother.. She is tryin to be cool.. mom's go through that stage. Lol its okay.. I wish you the best..