My toddler (2,5 years) is pinching, kicking, hiting and biting my two month old baby. What can I do?

Question

I am quite aware that her behaviour is normal and age appropriate and that she is jealous of the baby and testing boundaries.

She'll hurt him and then say sorry and immediately do it again. I know that this is normal behaviour and that toddlers think it's funny for them to cause a baby to cry.

How do I make her understand that it is not acceptable and that it is sore. I have smacked her, put her in the naughty chair and corner, pinched her back, ignored it, punished her by taking toys away - nothing helps

I know she'll grow out of it and the phase will pass but I cannot have her hurting her brother.

Has anyone experienced this? What can I do?

Answer 1

I have twin toddlers and a baby who is 6 months. I think that you may need to reassess the reasons for your toddler's agression. Sometimes toddlers hit kick and bite only as a way to relate to others. (Also, I have never seen a toddler that thinks that it is funny to make a baby cry. In my experience they usually get upset when another small child is crying.) Although the behavoir is age appropriate, from your descriptions, assuming that it just jealous or testing boundaries could be too simple. It sounds like she may be looking for the attention that you give her when she is aggressive towards the baby. You could try, as someone suggested, separating yourself from her when she is aggressive and paying special attention to the baby. I found saying "Ouch, that hurt! We are not going to play with you any more!" and then leaving the general area gets the point across. When you do use this tactic, be sure to follow it up with something postive she can do to help you with the baby. (Maybe throwing the diaper in the trash when you change the baby, or bringing you something you need.) Then be sure to lavish her with attention when she does the helpful thing. (The same way you did to the baby when she was mean.)
Another thing I have noticed with my kids is that one of my sons seems to frequently hit the baby when he is already crying. I have a theory that he is actually trying to comfort him but gets kind of carried away. So when he does this, I try to teach him gentleness by modeling the behavoir with the baby and encouraging him to do the same with a doll.
Until she stops the behavoir, these are some of this things I have done to keep my baby safe. First, when the baby was little, I never left the twins alone with him. If that meant the baby spent all day attached to me in the snuggli, so be it.
Next as he got older and started needing more tummy time, I would spend the time with him guarding him from his siblings. Now, if I want to leave him alone, I fence him off from his siblings. (We have a play yard that fences off about the same area as a 5'x8' rug so either the twins or the baby can go in it if I need to run downstairs and get the laundry or something.)
Good Luck!

Answer 2

My son (2 years 9 months) beats the crap out of my older daughter (6). Every single he does ANYTHING, he goes in a gated time out - as does she if she hurts him. A little smack on the butt doesn't get your point across. You have to make sure she knows her consequense is going to suck if she does this. If she's 2 and a half, you can tell her simply ONE time, "if you hurt your brother, you're going in time out." NEVER say that again, and no more warnings. When she hurts him in any way, pick her up (not out of anger, stay calm) and place her in a small, empty gated area, do not make eye contact, and let her sit there screaming, and when she's done, take her out and ask her what she did wrong. When it happens again, same process.

All behaviors get worse before they get better, so expect for her to hit him much more often when you start. And remember, no more warnings, and don't react, just place her in a time out.

Make she you include her with the baby. Make it a huge deal that you NEED her help in getting a diaper, or anything else that she can do. Let her help feed the baby, and if you're breastfeeding, let her cuddle with you and the baby. I know it's hard, but try to spend some time without the baby, even if it's just during a short nap. Pick at least one time during the day when you put the baby down to play with your daughter. No dishes, no cleaning, nothing except playing with your daughter.

Answer 3

You have to severely punish her if this continues. She is capable of causing very serious injury to your baby. What are the things she really likes in life? Withhold these things from her. How long do you take her toys away from her? Tell her that if she does it again, you will take her toys away from her for a week. Every time she does it again, increase the punishment by another week, but warn her ahead of time that this is what will happen.

Answer 4

Keep them apart as much as possible and never take your eyes off of them as difficult as that may be. Eventually your baby will grow up and they will be friends. That is what happened with my 2 year old and one year old. At times it could have been very dangerous and my oldest even pushed my youngest down the stairs one time. Even when my oldest thought I was gone and I ways really spying he would hurt his brother. With time it has gotten sooo much better. Hang in there.

Answer 5

after an incident isolate her from the baby(stronger than time out) and give extra dramatic attention to the baby at that time BUT also model appropriate behavior for her and let her snuggle and kiss and pet the baby and immediately praise and give her extra dramatic attention for appropriate behavior with the baby
explain with a very forceful "NO"
and "we don't do that"
be consistent...keep it up...don't let your guard down...don't let her control the situation
watch them all the time...if you are not in the room with the baby then she is not either...keep a very close eye on her and get her before she attacks the baby again
normal behavior?? not at my house
she is not testing boundaries...she is exercising control over you and the baby
btw...have you thought that smacking her and pinching her is modeling appropriate behavior with smaller folks??
you give her attention by smacking and pinching so she gives him attention by smacking and pinching????
that baby is being abused...get control of the situation

Answer 6

'Time outs' and 'naughty chairs' DO NOT WORK!!! These punishments only give the child time to think of more trouble to get into.
She needs a swat on the butt, smack on the hands and /or mouth - NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A newborn can not defend it self - YOU ARE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE PROTECTING THE INFANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do your job, as a parent, and punish the girl. After you get her to stop being so nasty - then have her help you with the baby. Believe it or not, she can be a great helper and that's why she's behaving so nasty now - she's jealous and receives no attention - so YOU must do something about it - NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

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Answer 8

its normal for toddlers to TRY this behavior, its NOT normal for them to have it all the time.

They TRY it and you IMMEDIATELY stop it. Tell her how she's supposed to behave, and then punish her right away when she doesnt.

You seem to have your ideas crossed. You dont go on allowing this sort of behavior. She tries it once, and once is enough. If you dont want her to do it, dont allow her to. Teach her how she SHOULD act, and then hold her accountable for that knowledge.

Standing back and wondering why she's still behaving this way is inviting her to continue in it.

Put a stop to it now.

Answer 9

they will all try it. but don't let her get away with it. time out make her sit on the couch till she can mind that's what i used to do. if not call the nanny.

Answer 10

just keep trying.... if you can take her out for some mommy time, just you and her... evry few days or so, so she knows that she isn't being pushed out.. after a while she will calm down.......its hard i know, just be patient....