I am having dinner with my ex tonight. After a two year relationship and three month "break". All or Nothing?

Question

I suggested the "break" when things got really serious. Call it cold feet, if you will. I tried seeing someone else. *Lewis* too. We still saw eachother during the 3 month break on a pretty regular basis. He really wanted to get back together. When we last spoke two weeks ago Friday, he said that he loved me and wants to move back in with me. He said how much he loved my daughter, like his own and that he wasn't going to wait for me forever. I thought about it and that Sunday I tried calling him to tell him my decision. No answer, no call back for a week. He started "hanging out with" a girl 9 years younger than him during this time. Is it possible that as much as he loved me he just stopped because of some young muff? Love was never a problem for us. At dinner tonight should I risk all pride and tell him the decision I made 2 weeks ago of "all" or should I sever ties completely with "nothing"? Please don't leave rude answers. It really just makes people feel worse. Thanx

Answer 1

If he has not answered you it is his move. If hehas another gal on the string he is not ready for commitment. Move on.

Answer 2

I think you should re-evaluate why he is your ex. Did he do things that caused you to have cold feet? If this truly a relationship can be mended? I am not sure if living together so quickly would be in your best interest. Maybe you two should consider dating seriously again but holding off on living together. It is not a good thing for your daughter to see him come and go out of your life like that. She will think it is suppose to be done that way and when she gets older she will be willing to accept a man who treats her that way.
I think you should sit down and tell him how you feel and express that if he is not willing to give it his all, then it is not worth it to you. If he seems apprehensive at all, let it go and stop seeing him. I think that had you broken up with him and not seen him, this decision would be a lot easier. However, you never really had the time to sort through your emotions because you were still emotionally tied to him. It is similar to breaking up with him and dating someone soon thereafter (another no-no!). You need time to process how and what you feel about a situation so that you don't repeat the same mistakes twice.
Best wishes!

Answer 3

You made him move out when it got serious? You went out with other people. So why can't he go out with other people? You are hurting him. He has turned to someone neutral who he hasn't got emotional baggage with. They probably don't talk all the time about the state of their relationship. He was having a rest from all the analyzing. Did he have lots of faults that you couldn't stand observing when you were living with him? A leopard doesn't change his spots. Were you just bored with the relationship but now that someone else is interested, you are looking at him in a new light? The "no answer, no call back for a week", means his head was turned by this girl. She may have given him the boot and now he is coming back to you. He may have found something he didn't like about her. At dinner, just be sweetness and light and don't spend the evening picking on him about this girl because he will just see you as too much drama. You'll end up having a fight instead of giving him a glimpse of the lovely lady he wants to come back to. If he compared you and her and still wants you, silently thank this girl. Good luck.

Answer 4

When you have dinner try asking what he has been up to lately. Make your decisions depending on his answers, but keep in mind that you rejected him in the first place and he may be hurt and upset (whether is consciously or not) with you. Perhaps he feels that he is making all the effort in the relationship and would like to test you, in a manner of speaking, to see how much you really care and how serious you are about getting back together. If he wanted to move in with you and your daughter the guys meant business, and the rejection and break may have hurt him more than he showed.

However, if he really loved you in the first place he wouldn't be over you so quickly, and may be dating this other girl to move on. Whatever you decide, asking nicely about his plans and feelings and make your decision according to how he reacts. You don't want want to break his heart again, but you don't want to be heartbroken either.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I honestly think you should suggest an actual break. If you both "saw each other during the 3 month break on a pretty regular basis", this defeats the purpose of a break. The younger girl in his life could be a delayed reaction to this so called break, especially if you suggested it and he wasn't in total agreement. I think a decision by either of you right now would not allow you to be honest and sure of your feelings.

Answer 6

The best advice I can give is from experience. You have the answers of what to do inside of you. I guess my first question would be if he is so in love with you why is he hanging out with another woman instead of working harder on getting you back and giving you his full attention? If you want to give it another try with him I would suggest seeing each other (only each other) for a couple of months to see how it goes and not let him move back in until your sure he wants a relationship with you and not just a place to crash.

Answer 7

Do you love him ? if it's right then you should not seen him again.Just imagined, your terms ' break up' doesn't really make sense.Sometimes 'break up' really helps to change u or your partner behaviour.It makes you realize that who needs who the most.If you already done the first step wrongly, you just might as well give it up.Let him go...there's no point to argue anymore.But if it's wrong, i think you should accept him back.At least make this as your new start to a new love.Try to understand him again.Let him know that the both of you needs each other.And 1 more thing, if 'love' is not your problem, how about putting your 'daughter' as your problem!

Answer 8

You've got to give it all. You dont want to be thinking about this months/ years down the road and wondering what could have happened if you had just put yourself outhere on a limb. The worst thing is a little embarrasment. He is most likely just trying to get over things...fearing you may never let him back in. Just do it!! I wish you good luck!

Answer 9

Sweetheart not to hurt your feeling but you knowing he is someone else and he also told you that he is not going to wait for long gave you the hint that you lost the opportunity to be with him. But don't you worry. There are others in the sea wait to be loved. Wish you luck and take care of your legacy (your daughter) and yourself Love will come your way some day.

Answer 10

He could be hanging out with a younger woman just to make you jealous so you will speed up your decision whether you want to be with him or not. If you don't want him, then he will still be left with somebody - the younger woman.

If you really want to be with him, tell him - better to have your pride hurt for awhile rather than regretting knowing that he could have been yours but he isn't just because you didn't tell him.

Answer 11

First, find out why you became afraid when the relationship was moving forward. You stated that you began seeing someone else so why are you having an issue with your ex seeing another women?
My suggestion is for you to go your separate ways. It seems to me that you are beginning to see what type of effect he had on your life and that its' normal to miss that special type of treatment that he was giving you. Just think about it and don't pursue him anymore, let it go. Begin to focus on you, and learn how to accept situations that you can not change. Learn from them and find out why you became afraid to take it to the next step before you even think about going on to pursue the next relationship.