Christians?

Question

I have a question, I know that one of the 10 commandments is to Honor thy mother and thy father, but what about if the parent is unfit or abusive. Just wondering.

Answer 1

Honouring your parents does not necessarily mean that you are counternancing their behaviour or who they are but giving them the respect that they deserve as your parents as you would give it to somebody else whom you do not even know a thing about. For instance, you stand up in a public transport like a train or a bus for someone who is, in terms of behaviour, is worse than your parents!

Moreover, by not honouring them because of what they are instead of looking at who they are, that is, your parents, you are thereby pronouncing a judgment on them, something which you know only God is rightfully able to give.

Lastly, if you could read the Ten Commandments carefully, you would realise that there is no condition upon which honouring your parents should be contigent or reliant, such as, honour them provided they believe in God or go regularly to church. It just says honour them without stating any condition. All the best!!!

Answer 2

There is a term in psychology "The Designated Patient" which would be the abusive parent(s). As abuse continues the other family members seek coping methods which can be counter productive for the designated patient and may even contribute to the original problem. That would be co-dependency. Honoring your mother and father would be keeping their best interest in mind and actions. What their best interests would be is to do what you must do so unselfish and not get caught up in self pity or accommodate the abuse. The entire family needs to be given advise, Possible medication, and guidance from trained professionals.

Answer 3

"Honor" doesn't mean you have to put up with abuse or unfitness. It simply means that you don't, for example, go around telling everyone how bad they are (as people), how horrible they are (as people), etc. You can say, "they did bad things..." but you can't hate them (as people). Honestly, hate only ends up hurting the one doing the hating.

Honor is a synonym of "respect." An example: a lot of people don't like USA's President Bush. They think him incompetent, etc. But he is still the president, so they should respect him. This means they shouldn't go around calling names, etc. But it doesn't mean they have to agree with him. Two people can get together and have a very civilized debate if they disagree.

The same with parents. One should only honor one's parents below one's honor for God. This means that when the parent asks the child to do something that does not conflict with God, then that child should do it (ex: do the dishes, etc). But when God's rules overrule that parent, the child doesn't have to do it (and indeed in obedience to God shouldn't do it). This also means that if the parent is abusive, the child (under God's rules) has the right to be protected, removed if necessary (removal usually is necessary).

I would also note that parents have obligations toward their children. "Do not provoke your children to anger," runs the BIble. The parent is there to raise and care for the child. If the parent fails in that, then they are answerable to God in this life (with the government investigating them, etc) and in the next (possible damnation).

Answer 4

It doesn't matter. Until you are old enough to leave home with out anyone being able to do anything about it. You still must honor your father and mother. God will punish them. Maybe you just think they are abusive. I've learned how soft and punky and spoiled kids are today. Maybe it's just you. Have you ever just sit back and took a long hard truthful look at yourself and the way you are and the things you say and do towards your parents? You should. Maybe you'll find out they are justified in their actions.

Answer 5

I was wondering the same thing, my father left us when i was just 4 months (though he loves me now) and my mother has always been very abusive, agressive, sometimes even violent, messed my life, took care that my wishes will not come true, betraded me by reading my personal diary to an ex boyfriend and many things like this.... i stil love her and probably always will but how can i honor her and how can i not fight her sometimes?

Answer 6

Honoring does not mean tolerating bad behavior.We are called to honor our government and and all who have the rule over us weather they be good or bad.This is an area were the Christian often needs to wait on the Lord and be patient and careful how they respond. Luke 21:19.
God Bless you and keep you on the straight and narrow.

Answer 7

The remainder of that commandment reads "Honor thy Mother and thy Father IN THE LORD." That's an imprtant part of it.

Answer 8

Even if a parent is abusive, you are still to honor them.

But that doesn't mean that you allow them to abuse you or you allow them to abuse someone else, but you still show them respect in your words and dealings.

If it is YOUR parent, you say or write something like " Dad, I love you and I want to respect you. But I cannot allow you to treat (my brother or whoever) like this."

It may mean even getting the authorities involved if the parent is beating up or abusing one of your brothers or sisters.

You can love your parent and honor them - but that doesn't mean that you keep silent when someone is being abused.

Dishonoring them would be to speak badly about them, think evil about them ,etc. Of course, the devil would love for you to have evil thoughts against them..... But God wants you to not give in to thoughts of revenge or hatred, etc.

god bless

Answer 9

there is one school of mystical thought that believes the 'mother and father' discussed in that commandment are our original creators, the Elohim

Elohim is a plural word, which means 'the gods', and that is the term used in the first book of the Bible,... 'in the beginning, Elohim created the Heavens and Earth'

the deduction is that Elohim created people in THEIR image, male and female

the commandment should be read as follows:
honor thy original parents, the Elohim, male and female, who created you in their image

Answer 10

Well, you honor your parents because you are there child, you can't change that. Still, that does not mean that you have no right to call them down on their behavior. And to leave if need be.