My ex-mother in law told my 6 year old that I lied.....?

Question

My husband is currently deployed, to explain to my 6 yr old why he is gone so long we told her that he fights bad guys to protect our country. My daughter said like a superhero? and we said something like that. Well yesterday my daughter came to me and said "My grandma said that your mom is lying Jerry is not a hero." I was pissed! My best friend was over and she pulled me to the side she said "Brush it off, she is just jealous that her son is a nobody....." I want to brush it off but it still bothers me. Here we are my husband has been deployed since May, miserable over there and this lady tries to poison my childs thoughts because she respects her step-father? I told my daughter what Jerry does, only a few people in this world can do. Jerry is a hero. We can do so much in this country that other countries couldnt imagine doing, thanks to our military. They are fighting to keep the bad guys from coming here. i would say thats a hero.

i wanted to cry because i work at the VA and I see so many young men come back from OIF and OEF with Post Traumatic Syndrome. My question should I say something to my ex husbands mom or should I just let it go?

Answer 1

Yes, you should say something to her. Because your husband is a hero. Clearly, she is jealous of your new husband. Hopefully, you can tell her that you have never told your daughter what a loser her father her son is; so you would appreciate the same respect that you give.

Answer 2

Write her a letter. Tell her first of all that she is a grandmother, not the child's mother. As such she doesn't get to decide what the child is told. It's not her decision when the child learns the truth about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny.

Second, there are some truths about her son, since he's your ex, that she probably doesn't even know herself, or hasn't admitted, or at least doesn't want the child to learn. If she wants to try to poison the child's mind against the person who is going to be her real daddy for the next twelve years, then the child will need the truth about the sperm donor as well.

Third, grandparents very rarely win court fights over their right to see grandchildren. Personally, I'd tell her she's seen the last of the child, but you might be more forgiving than I would be.

Fourth and finally, anyone that volunteers to serve in the military is a hero, no matter where they are stationed or what their job is, and anyone that doesn't think so is the "miserable creature with no chance of ever being free, unless made and kept so by better men than himself" that John Stuart Mill wrote about.

Answer 3

Is there a visitation order in effect? If not tell your ex if his sister does not stop saying things to your son you will not send him there anymore or get after school care until his dad can pick him up or you get him after school and let his dad get him when he gets off of work. If there is a visitation order in effect then talk to a lawyer and tell him your concerns and how your son behaves when he comes home and see what can be done. There needs to be an investigation as to what is going on to cause your son to act out. It may be that he just misses his dad but a six year old should not be disrespectful to any adult whether it is your boyfriend or not that is unacceptable and needs to be dealt with. Maybe you should try taking your son to a counselor and see if it helps before it gets any worse. He does not understand what has happened an therefore when children don't understand they act out most of the time in anger which is not a good thing. Professional help is the best option.

Answer 4

You should definitely address it to her but in a nice way. afterall, she is your child's grandma. Tell her what you feel and that it is unnecessary to bad mouth anyone in the family, children can pick up from adult behaviors very easily. Don't say anything bad about her son either because this would cause more retaliations later. Try to get along for your child's sake, they are her family too. Also try to explain to your daughter what hero means, perhaps she's thinking like the one with superpowers and probably that's the reason why her grandma said that "he is not". I know that she might be too young to understand but someone suggested to take her to your local fire dept. , i think that's a very good idea. perhaps you could take grandma too!!!

Answer 5

Ignore the woman! She is being bitter and jealous. Your husband is a hero, anyone who is willing to risk their life to fight for their people, their way of life, freedom and democracy is a hero.

Cant stand the way some people take that in vain by slagging the Armed Forces and the media riddiculing and lying about them.

And to your 6yr old daughter, Your step-dad is a hero, he's out there protecting you and your mum from the bad guys.

Answer 6

I would just let it go as far as on your mother's end. You might want to explain to your child that even though he can not fly or spit webs from his hands, he is still a hero. Then give some small, basic details (like he drives big tanks and carries special things to protect him). That way you haven't come right out and called your ex-MIL a liar (even though I'm on your side you shouldn't "bash" her too mych) but you have at least explained to your child the importance of what your husband does.

Answer 7

Don't let it go. Tell the old biddy that IF she wants to continue seeing her grandchild she needs to shut her mouth about the step father. She is trying to poison your daughter's mind against her step dad. Nip it in the bud. He is a hero for going overseas and doing his job, whether or not we agree or disagree with the war.
If you don't call her out about it, then she will continue to say nasty things about him until your daughter starts hating her step dad. Don't let her get away with it. Also let her know that if she continues to do that
a) You CAN go to court and have her limited as to when she can see her granddaughter and whether or not it will be supervised or unsupervised
b) If your daughter's dad has visitation ( not joint custody etc) then she can be barred from visiting her granddaughter at those times as well.
c) Tell her son what she is doing and let HIM know that if his mother does not stop that kind of garbage it can impact HIS visitation rights. So tell her to button her lip and keep her nasty opinions to herself sorry self
d) Tell her it can backfire on her. Once the child reaches a certain age and realizes what " Granny " had been doing, she can cut off all ties with her of her own volition and she can lose her grandchild forever and it would be no one else's fault but her own.

Answer 8

Are you trying to say positive things about your ex & his family around your daughter? If so, you could tell your ex mother-in-law that & ask her to return the favor for the little girl's sake. Remind her the little girl has enough stress in her life without the adults putting her in the middle of a fight.

Answer 9

what a witch, my husband is British forces and i have 3 kids and when he has been deployed i have explained to them the same as you , that he'd gone to stop bad guys hurting the innocent ones,and if anybody had told my kids that this was not so i would have had a few choice words to say, yes you should confront her any say that while you are happy for your daughter to see her she must respect your new life and family including your new husband and it is hard enough on your daughter her step dad being away without her comments that made your daughter upset.good luck hun

Answer 10

Not a nice situation.
But tell the old lady to mind her own business or the grand daughter won't come visiting anymore. She has no rights over the child - it's as simple as that.