Bi-polar Sister to watch my toddler??

Question

Here the deal..My sister is 40 and Bi-polar she is getting out of prison this week (for meth related) My mother keeps suggesting that my sister could help me out by watching my 18month old girl. I am definatly not comfortable with this. I dont mind if she comes over and helps while I take a shower or mow my yard those kind of things. My husband can not stand my sister and dosent even want her in our home...My mother insists she has changed. I'm stuck in the middle and can see both points of veiws. In the past whenever she stops taking her meds. she seems to turn to drugs. She is really good with children and they adore her. What would you do if you were in my shoes?? I want to keep the peace with all involved and that never seems to happen.

Answer 1

I would make everyone happy. You said that you don't mind if she helps out while you're still there? Then that's what you should do, and make a really big deal about asking her, thanking her profusely for helping you out, and just generally make her feel important and appreciated. However, you don't need to leave her alone with your daughter, just ask her over to help out on your terms, but you're still inviting her. This way, your Mum will be happy, and you and your husband are comfortable knowing that your daughter is safe but still having a relationship with her Aunt. If she's genuinely good with kids, and is supervised by you, I don't see a problem. Good luck, hope this helps!

Answer 2

Start by just doing those small things you mentioned. Let her come over and watch your daughter while you clean, mow, shower and see how she interacts with her. Then if things are going well take it up a step like, going to the corner store for milk for 15 minutes or post a letter but just make it short periods. Then take it from there. You will see how things are going and be able to assess the situation further. I think, unless your sister has done something totally unforgiveable in the past that threatens your daughter or you, you should give her the chance to make a fresh start. Just because she made some bad decisions in the past, doesn't mean she is a bad person now. Maybe she has changed, you won't know until you give her a chance. Spending time with you and your daughter may give her the chance to get support and encouragement to stay on her meds and out of trouble. She may need your help more than you think. If it just doesn't work out you haven't really lost out as you know you gave it the best shot you could.

My mother has bi-polar and my sister has mild bi-polar depression and they have both raised/raising perfectly healthy normal unaffected children. (i being one of them!) I know what its like first hand to live with someone with bi-polar manic depression when they are not on meds. In no way was I ever harmed or neglected so I think that this is something you should have an open mind about.

Give her support and encouragement to stay on her meds and keep any doctors/therapist appointments etc...Help her find work maybe and get her life back on track. As for your husband not liking her, well he doesn't have to, but as a mature adult he should be able to think or have a rational discussion about this and come to an agreement. Maybe if your sister was to be over when hubby isn't home for a while for you to assess how things are going and then go from there.

Good luck with it all

Answer 3

You are in a tough situation but I hope this helps. I am 46 years old and bi-polar. I have three daughters of my own. Their ages are 15, 10 and 8. Provided your sister is taking her medication properly, I think you could allow her to visit your baby, but I would not leave her alone. The idea of your sister watching the baby while you are still home is a great idea. That way, you are close by and yet, she still feels as though she is helping you. The bigger problem you have is the fact that your husband does not like your sister. That may need to be resolved first. Good luck to you all.

Answer 4

Tantrums aren't typically out of the ordianary when it comes to toddlers. Most toddlers have melt-downs, some much more than others. Bi-polar would have to include a "manic" period along with a depressed period. Tantrums are the result of toddlers learning their boundaries. I think she's more likely to just be a strong-willed child. Sudden fits of temper can also be simply the result of being overly tired (thus a tantrum at nap time) or being hungry (low blood sugar may cause cravings for sugar) or she's just testing the limits you are setting for her. She wants to be sure you mean what you say and if you waiver it's confusing to her. If you ignore the tantrums as best as possible, walking away if you can, and don't cave in to the tantrums, they'll eventually stop if they don't get her what she wants.

Answer 5

If it were a person who was not your sister, who was bi-polar, a convict and took drugs, would you let that person watch over your infant? What difference does it make that the person is your sister? Does it make her more reliable, does it mean that your child should be put at risk to suit the sensibilities of others? Has it occurred to you that you are trying to keep peace in the family at the possible expense of your child's safety?

My oldest grandchild is 21, bi-polar, has OCD, takes illegal drugs and cannot keep a job--I would never allow him to take care of our 4 and 2 year old. He's great with them in a controlled environment, but he is not able to make important decisions about his own welfare--such as taking his meds--so how could we trust him with these precious little ones. He is short tempered, not patient, has wrecked 5 vehicles in 3 years and says nothing is his fault. We are so sad for him but we just can't take a chance that something bad could happen to the girls if we left them in his care.

Please worry more about your child's safekeeping than what your mother insists--she is misguided in her desire to help your sister at the cost of your child's safety.

I wish you the very best.

Answer 6

I understand that you don't want to upset your Mom or your hubby , but you have to do what is BEST for your children no matter who it upsets.
Just tell your Mom that you need to be with the children when your sister is around because you
don't want her doing things that she should not be doing around the kids (drugs) & that even if she did stop doing the meth she will need guidance &
support from you so that she does not do it again .
I also think that if your sister is NOT seeing a councelor she should, it helps my sister -in-law
a lot , she too is bipolar.

best of luck & do what you know is best

Answer 7

I would let her come over once and evaluate her from there. At least then you are giving her a chance and you can supervise to make sure your daughter will be fine with her. This way you can have extra help, give your sister another chance, and keep the peace. Good luck!

Answer 8

my mother has bi-polar and I don't like her watching my little ones on her own just incase. She is taking her meds but It's still hard for me. Another factor is that she has epilepsy. She adores my children and is good with them but I never kno when she'll have another episode. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Maybe she can help you around the house instead.

Answer 9

In the end you have to live with your husband, not your mother. I would talk to him and lay down ground rules about having your child around your sister. If he knows you are taking sensible precautions - and especially sees her doing well around your child, he may be able to relax more about having her around.
On the other hand, if she is unreliable about staying on her meds, I would not leave my child with her unsupervised, most especially for any lengthy period of time.
This is a hard problem and I can relate as we have a similar issue in our own family and I couldn't make myself leave my son with this person, as much as I love her. Your child's safety has to come first and if anything did happen while your child was in your sister's care, it would not only be devastating for you and your husband, but for her and your mother as well. Good luck, you have a challenge ahead of you!

Answer 10

Keeping peace with everyone is impossible so don't even go there. :)

Trust your instincts. Try meeting your sister over at your Mom's place initially. See how she seems to you. But remember, she can change. Sadly, there is no cure for bipolar disorder and you'll have to take it one day at a time with how she is doing.

Good luck to you and your family!