VERY serious question about SEXUAL ABUSE. PLEASE ANSWER AND STAR! I am very afraid that...?

Question

something might have happened to me when I was little. I am 13 years old. Let me start from the beginning:

A few years ago, maybe 3 years, my mom (don't know about my dad, don't remember) and my oldest bro were acting very worried because they had found blood in my 4 year old sister's panties. (I didn't know at the time that it could have been from a rape, so i didn't even think about it back then.)

I was thinking about it today, and I realized all of a sudden why they were so worried. Then I remembered that some lady (i think from child protective services) had come to our house and had asked me if I had ever been touched in a way that made me uncomfortable.

I said no, because I hadn't, but what if I HAD and just couldn't remember cuz it happened to me when I was so young? And another thing is, I noticed that ever since that day, my dad never bathed my sister anymore, and I had to do it instead. Do you think that they suspected him or raping her or something?

this is not something that i can talk to my parents about because we are not close at ALL. what should i do? i think that if i got raped, i should know, shouldn't i? but wat if they are afraid to tell me? and wat if they never tell my sis?

Answer 1

What harms you most is that you aren't close enough to speak with your parents. Not just about this, but you say, "...not close at ALL." That isn't good in any family.

A 3-year-old I once had charge of came to me complaining of pain between her legs. I took her to the doctor because I didn't know if she had injured herself or had some kind of infection, and being a guy I didn't know what I was looking for. Not in a kid that age. It turned out that she noticed she had "sensations" down there and had rubbed herself raw. And then she rubbed because it hurt. I don't remember if she bled.

The degree of bleeding is an issue, because a bladder infection (much more common in females, and can quickly progress to a kidney infection at that age) can cause incontinence as well as hematuria (blood in the urine). So there are likely causes other than sexual abuse for that bleeding. It would take a thorough examination to determine what had happened.

An abuser is usually an habitual abuser; it isn't a once-and-done thing. In the case of siblings, an older sibling is abused until a younger one comes into the preferred age range. You would certainly have remembered if you had been abused for a length of time (years), so I don't believe you were. In addition, there are other signs like a child acting out in a sexually precocious manner. The child doesn't realize that this is "private" behavior and makes no attempt to hide it. I'm not a professional, but there are other disturbances that go along with it. Those who know the signs can get a pretty good feel of what's been going on, if anything. But they can also be wrong if they're overzealous, which brings me to the next point: you bathing your sister.

If suspicion is cast on an innocent man, he will do anything to deflect it. It's humiliating to come under that kind of suspicion, and your father may well have REFUSED to be put in anything that could be misinterpreted as a "compromising" position with your younger sister after that. You may have ended up bathing your sister because your father was too upset by this event to continue doing so. I'd do the same thing, and it's very understandable.

It doesn't sound as if you have been abused. IF your sister was, it could have been anyone but probably not your father. As I said, once the behavior starts it usually continues. Once it's discovered, it's gone on for so long that it's nearly impossible to conceal. If it involved you and your sister, that would have spanned years and you'd certainly remember.

Answer 2

I can 't imagine how much pain these incidents have impacted your life. It is something that will always be a part of you. But, you can change the circumstances. You are probably suffering from depression and it could be a side affect of these incidents. Relationships in your future will be impacted by these sins that you we're forced into. None of this is your fault. You must tell your parents. It will not make matters worse. If anything it will make things better. Pick a time when you can sit down with them together. Tell them you have a matter of importance that you need to speak with them about. Think of what you will say, be as honest as you can be. They will better understand you, and one last piece of advice. Get some St. John's Wort, it's made of a little yellow flower grown in Ireland. You can find it in most drugstores or supermarkets, in the vitamin section it cost about 8 or 9 dollars. Take alot of it in the beginning so you can get it in your system, it will take the nervousness, the crying, the blues and make them easier to deal with. Your parents love you, and the shame that this experience has left you with will never be resolved until you deal with it honestly. And that begins with telling your parents. You've surrounded the walls around you that are robbing you of your life today. That has to be addressed for you to over come these images that have influenced your life. Your a sweet girl and the step to recovery is to tell the two people who love you most the truth.

Answer 3

child protective services could have been called because your mother suspected your dad or brother of doing something wrong to your sister. you should go to your Dr and ask for a test. they can tell you whether you are a virgin or not. Rape is very serious and in my opinion you would have remembered something. I have dealt with kids that were raped or asked to do sexual favors and they remember, they may not say it the way we do, but they remember doing something that they were to not tell to anyone else and have issues with relationships and sex when they grow up, good luck and hope that everything works out!!

Answer 4

I don't know about all of your questions, but I can tell you if it was thought that your father had sexually abused your sister more would have happened then him just not being allowed to bath her anymore. If you don't remember being raped you probably weren't. If you were too young to remember then would have been physically damage, ie. your hymen would not be intact or your vagina would have been torn with scars left behind. There is no way of knowing without a physical exam. If you have a counselor at school you trust you might want to speak with them about your fears. As for your sister, when you are both older she may want to talk about it. Be there for her when she does. It isn't your responsibility to tell her something happened to her, especially since you were too young to recall anything substantial about the incident.

Answer 5

You need to get checked by a doctor. Being as young as you are, it may be absolutely impossible to get to your doctor without others knowing. If you are in school or about to start, talk with your school nurse on getting checked. This is a very serious matter and don't look upon yourself as not asking correct questions. You need to know and it starts with being checked by a physician.

Answer 6

I think you should seek a therapist and tell them everything

Answer 7

You can go to a doctor and he can tell if you are a virgin.
If your sister is too young to remember this happening to her, don't tell her.