How do I get my 19 month old to stop pulling hair?

Question

My 19 month old son loves pulling hair, not his own, but everyone elses. He tends to do it when he's in playful mood so I think he thinks he's playing. Problem is he does it to my friend's children & makes them cry. I scold him for it & once or twice he's cried over it but then he still does it. I tried ignoring him when he does it to me or distracting him but he just pulls harder. What should I do?

Answer 1

When it comes to pulling other children's hair I would start by telling him that the kids won't want to play with him if he pulls their hair.

If that doesn't work then I would have the child who has had their hair pulled be asked to pull your son's hair.

I know it sounds cruel but I actually put this into practice once and it worked.

I was babysitting a little boy and he pulled my older son's hair (my son was older by about 4 years) and although I had told the little boy previously that the other kids wouldn't want to play with him if he pulled their hair he only seemed to remember that for a short while.

So on the next occasion I said to my son to pull the little boys hair. Lol, my son was horrified and didn't want to do it but I said to just do it softly so that the other little boy could see what it felt like. My son did it, the little boy looked extremely surprised, cried for only a minute but it seemed to get through to him because he never did it again.

When he does it to you I would tell him he is hurting mummy and if he continues to do it that mummy will have to put him down (if you are holding him) or that mummy is upset and needs to be on her own for a few minutes. Remove him from your immediate 'space' each and every time he does it to you.

He needs to know that it is not a nice feeling and that you won't accept him doing it to you and that when he does do it to you that you don't want to be around him.

I know that is a hard thing to get across to someone his age but if you continually put him down, remove him from your lap or you leave the room when he does it I think he will understand that you are not going to continue to allow him to do it.

Good luck to you. It's awful when our children begin anti-social behaviour but you have to 'nip it in the bud' as soon as possible.

Answer 2

Sparring the rod used to spoil the child. Our "modern" society has over-compensated to the degree we no longer have rods! The result is the children of today. You see them in the malls, hear them speak, watch them interact with each other, ad infinitum. Save the newsworthy "bad apples" can you say you approve?

At 19 months of age language is not very effective. The child lacks true understanding of your words. He might understand your "scolding" as a negative but it is temporary at best.

You say you "think " he "thinks" he's playing. The truth is your thinking is very different based upon your different life experiences. You have more to draw from than he does. Modifying his thinking, therefore, can only occur via experience. Here comes the hard part.. give him the benefit of the experience for himself. He will soon learn it is not playful or fun and change his behavior on his own. I would not ask another child to perform the task, that's your job as the parent.

You don't have to be mean to be honestly firm! But firmly honest you must be... for everyone's benefit.

Answer 3

Actually, doing it back isn't a very successful solution. Although he will understand that it hurts, it will also confuse him because he may think that you are playing back. You need to administer negative reinforcement so that he learns that he will be punished when he does this behavior. Start with time-out, then start taking things away that he finds enjoyable. Examples could include a favorite toy, a special snack, or an enjoyable activity. He will start to associate hair-pulling with loosing something desirable. This method is called operant conditioning.

Answer 4

My 19 mo responds well to getting to his level, looking him in the eye, saying "No X, that hurts" then a brief period of ignoring him by walking away to do something else. It's a natural consequence as people don't want to play with someone that hurts them, and part of the learning process is that the fun playtime ends with the hair pulling.

X= hitting, hair pulling, toy throwing, etc.

Best of luck, they are physically exuberant at this age and are as likely to hurt out of excitement/playing as they are out of anger. That surprised me!

Answer 5

Your discipline should increase. It's fine to start with a scold, but perhaps you should put him in a timeout if he does it again. If he still does it after that, then a little swat on the bottom might be in order.

And wear your hair up if you can! 80) Good luck!

Answer 6

pull it back
he will feel how bad it hurts
i mean dont do it hard like hard enough for him to realize that he is hurting ppl
he might grow out of it when he gets older
i mean he is only 19 months old
but still he needs to know that it is wrong
and he needs to know he is hurting ppl
so i would recommened that hope i helped

Answer 7

Gently return the favor, let his go when he lets yours go, if he pulls harder, you pull harder, do this so he understands it's not a game nor is it nice.

Answer 8

It sounds harsh, but pull his hair as gently as possible and as firmly as necessary. I had to resort to that with my son. Sadly it was partly my fault he pulled hair. It was funny when he pulled mine. When he started pulling other's hair, it wasn't funny.

Answer 9

when he reaches to pull your hair grab his hand and have him pull his own he will learn it hurts and wont do it anymore , there is another way it may sound cruel but it does work when you see him pull hair go and pull his

Answer 10

thats sad, I taught my 4 month old not to pull hair!!!