I need help managing stress!?

Question

Recently a lot of major changes have happened in my life. My mother is suicidal, and very depressed. No one in my family will take care of her, it's up to me to be there for her. I'm not complaining about that by any means. My father sent the whole family for a loop when he said he didn't want anything to do with us anymore, because his real family (his gf of 7months family) is his family, and not us. I can't find a job, and to be truthful, though I go on countless interviews, i'm almost happy I can't get one (but i really do want one, just the one I want not a crappy min. wage one).

I need to find a way to deal with the stress because it's harming my relationship with my boyfriend of three years. What makes it more stressful is that it's in long distance mode right now. Any advice or management ideas would be greatly appreciated! thank you!

Answer 1

Coping with Stress

How can I change my lifestyle habits to manage stress better?

Get enough sleep: Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally. See Helpguide's Getting the sleep you need
Connect with others: Develop a support system and share your feelings. Perhaps a friend, family member, teacher, clergy person or counselor can help you see your problem in a different light. Talking with someone else can help clear your mind of confusion so that you can focus on problem solving.
Exercise regularly: Find at least 30 minutes, three times per week to do something physical. Nothing beats aerobic exercise to dissipate the excess energy. Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress. During times of high stress, choose things you like to do. It also is beneficial to have a variety of exercise outlets. Be physically fit in ways appropriate for your age, rather than being sedentary.
Eat a balanced, nutritious diet: Be mindful of what you put in your body. Healthy eating fuels your mind, as well as your body. Take time to eat breakfast in the morning, it will help keep you going throughout the day. Eating several balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day will give you the energy to think rationally and clearly. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress. See Helpguide's Healthy Diet / Healthy Eating.
Reduce caffeine and sugar: Avoid consuming too much caffeine and sugar. In excessive amounts, the temporary "highs" they provide often end in fatigue or a "crash" later. You’ll feel more relaxed, less jittery or nervous, and you’ll sleep better. In addition, you’ll have more energy, less heartburn and fewer muscle aches.
Don’t self-medicate with alcohol or drugs: While consuming alcohol or drugs may appear to alleviate stress, it is only temporary. When sober, the problems and stress will still be there. Don’t mask the issue at hand; deal with it head on and with a clear mind.
Do something for yourself everyday: Take time out from the hustle and bustle of life for leisure time. Too much work is actually inefficient and can lead to burnout. Recognize when you are most stressed and allow yourself some reasonable breaks. When things feel especially difficult, take a walk or change your scenery. Most importantly, have fun. Do things that make you happy.

How can I change my thinking and emotional responses to handle stress better?

Have realistic expectations:Know your limits. Whether personally or professionally, be realistic about how much you can do. Set limits for yourself and learn to say “no” to more work and commitments.
Reframe problems: See problems as opportunities. As a result of positive thinking, you will be able to handle whatever is causing your stress. Refute negative thoughts and try to see the glass as half full. It is easy to fall into the rut of seeing only the negative when you are stressed. Your thoughts can become like a pair of dark glasses, allowing little light or joy into your life.
Maintain your sense of humor: This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. Watch a funny movie: the sillier the plot the better. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways. See Helpguide's Humor, laughter and health.
Express your feelings instead of bottling them up: In order to live a less stressful life, learn to calm your emotions. A good cry during periods of stress, or sharing your concerns with someone you trust can be healthy ways to bring relief to your anxiety.
Don’t try to control events or other people: Many circumstances in life are beyond your control, particularly the behavior of others. Consider that we live in an imperfect world. Learn to accept what is, for now, until the time comes when perhaps you can change things.
Ask yourself “Is this my problem?” If it isn't, leave it alone. If it is, can you resolve it now? Once the problem is settled, leave it alone. Don't agonize over the decision, and try to accept situations you cannot change.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm

Answer 2

First, take a step back and a deep breath. You can get what you want and handle what comes up. I know its hard, and its not easy, but you can do it. Now look at what you want and see if the way you are going about it fits the actions needed to achieve it. Remember most stress comes from how we percieve the situation. If nothing else, start taking walks and fun things you like that take physical energy. Be well

Answer 3

Being a part of a support group for caretakers of mentally ill
could be of much benefit to you.

Or being connected with other adults your age through a church could help you to maintain some "normalcy" in your life, as well as help you to remember what a balanced life can be.

Caretaking a person with mental illness can be so draining that if you don't have outside normal times, you may begin to believe the sick person's view that you are the crazy one.

Your father........a sorry excuse for a man.

Answer 4

hey i am so sorry for what you are going through..your story reminds me of yours, i was having a lot of problems with my dad and i have also been with my boyfriend for three years. the stress was getting to me so much that i became physically sick and had frequent trips to the hospital which was not fun. i just learned to handle one day at a time and for so long i would bottle up what was bothering me and i found that when i let it out I felt so much better whether it was through writing or venting to my boyfriend. i sometimes would even write letter to the person or thing(as strange as it sounds) that was stressing me out and in the letter i would say how i feel..of course i would never send the letter but it was my personal way of relieving my stress. sometimes it also helps to get your mind off of things...i just dont like when people tell me that too much because there are some things you cant get your mind off. i hope that things get better for you and that it all works out

Answer 5

First your mother should be on top of the list. If your boyfriend loves you he should try to understand that you need to find help for your mom before some thing happens to her. Boyfriends are a dime a dozen but you only have one mom!! Seek help for her. Call a nurse at the hospital and they should be able to give you good advice for her. Be there for her and you will see how many doors the Lord will open for you...

Answer 6

I will pass along to you a frame of mind an ole man once said to me and it single handedly change my life by changing my obcession of dwelling on problems...and it was almost to simple. He told me that he looked at things as if he had been sitting in the grass with a cold glass of milk and then spilled it! He explained that getting in a huff over it would not retreve my milk so instead I needed to focus my energy on just how I was going to go about getting another one. With that I truly learned to stop sweating the small stuff and focus on that which I had the ability to change or improve.

Answer 7

managing stress

Answer 8

I think you need to stop doing that and just go out and start moving yourself.

I've been in some very negative states of mind and emotion and I know it's not easy. Sometimes we think that the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off, especially when we don't have money to pay the bills, school fees, homework, family problem

Rather than being annoyed, be amused.
Instead of getting angry, become curious.
In place of envy, feel admiration.
In place of worry, take action.
In place of doubt, have faith.
Negative energy is just positive energy that's flowing in the opposite direction.
There's no need to fight or run away from that negative energy.
All you need to do is change its direction.
The more negative you are, the more positive you can be.
An automobile that can travel 70 miles per hour to the east can also travel just as fast
when going west. But first, someone must turn it around.
When you sense yourself becoming negative, stop and consider
what it would mean to apply that negative energy in the opposite direction.
Turn your sadness into caring.
Transform your complaints into useful suggestions.
Change your bitterness into determination.
The energy is already there.
All you need to do is change its direction.

If it's something that lightens your mood and doesn't hurt anyone, yes. some very simple things can calm you down and put you in a better frame of mind. Simple, but very soothing and it took me a long time to learn that I didn't need to let my thoughts and emotions control me. It's normal to worry a bit, sometimes we do have to spend a few minutes worrying or on the pity pot - as long as we don't stay there.

Maybe what you can think about working on is just taking a baby step toward what you want

You can make a start by being grateful for the things you already have: Food in your stomach, a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and internet access!

Then you can start using daily affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror several times a day and tell yourself how great you are! Everybody has something they're good at, remind yourself of those things. Start researching a subject you've always been curious about and expand your knowledge.

Eliminate negative words from your vocabulary: Instead of can't, CAN! Instead of "I don't have enough money" say "The money for that item is coming!" Just a few things to get you started.

Prayer man. There is always an oppurtunity in everything. BUt I just pray and let the spirit lead me man. Let God work it out. Turn your stress and anxiety over to him. Let Him deal with it

How heroes use this problem and turn it around and face life

So what you can do is write down all the things you DON'T want (the way your problem is) and then write down the exact opposite...

The point is always in ACTION. Thinking about it is the first step... the second step is believing in it... the third step is acting like you believe in it... and the fourth is in being in a place where you can receive it.

Check all these desires of yours against those steps.

When things get tough, do something that makes you happy. Listen to some good music. Meditate. Watch a funny tv show or movie. Read a good book. Play cards with a friend. Whatever works for you to reduce your stress and make you more joyful

Sometimes you are where you are supposed to be for a reason. Perhaps it isn't time for you to move on. Don't give up on your dream. Work a little at a time to prepare yourself for the time when you have the success that you want.

Get things in order. Use this time wisely as you may become very busy soon and feel overwhelmed if you don't have your home and affairs in order.

It sounds like you have decided upon one path to take. Often life presents more than one way to reach your goal. I believe opportunites will come and you must be open to new experiences. Even if you think it isn't your chosen path this new occurance may lead to other opportunities in ways that you may not recognize at first.

As long as you keep your eyes on your goal and keep moving forward success will come to you

I believe that toxic people can make you sick, even shorten your life. The best thing to do is to do something for yourself, leave so you can live by yourself and go after what you want in life. The more you stay with the same people, the more your life will stay the same.

Also, every time you catch yourself saying something negative, keep changing it around. You're seeing how it works to some degree... just intensify it.

My suggestion would be for you to attend school. Do you have your high school diploma yet or anything? If not, go get it.

1. Go to college/school. Do not sit in your house & worrying. Get out into the world and get busy.
2. Talk with a counselor at the college/school so you can find out what courses. Then decide which one would interest you.
3. Do not stop educating yourself until you are at the point where you can smarter and become that "extremely successful" person you want to be.
4. The key is to work hard and Get out in the world and DO something else

Another one is Thinking positive thoughts

Thought is the only power that can produce tangeble riches from the formless substance. The stuff from which all things are made, is a substance which thinks. A thought of form in this substance produces the form. Original substance moves according to its thoughts. Every form and process you see in nature is the visible expression of a thought in the original substance. As it thinks of a form it takes that form. As it thinks of motion, it makes that motion. That is the way all things are created. We live in a thought world. And this world is part of a thought universe. The original thought of a moving universe, first extended throughout the formless substance. The thinking stuff resulting from that thought, took the form of systems of planets. And continues to maintain that form. thinking substance takes the form of its thought and moves according to the thought.

I think it is important to be surrounded by positive and supportive people. that is a first step. finding a group like this one can be the beginning. Toxic people are all around, energy suckers.. i just can not afford and want to be around people like this.. you need to be around people that love you and support you, that want the best for you.

You can also meditate to find that peace within..and take time for yourself in nature.
A friend of mine and coach also recommended to have on a bathroom mirror " I am lovable and totally deserving"

If you can build an image in your mind and hold it, you will attract all that is required for the manifestation of it.

Look at it this way, Your hand is made of energy. It's a mass of molecues at a very high speed of vibration. What's a glass made of? Energy. What's water made of? Energy. Now if you take and boil that water that water is not called water any more it will be called steam. It's the same energy, just moving at a different speed. What's the glass made from? Energy. Use to be sand. what we've done is alter the molecular structure of the energy and we've turned the sand into glass. Still the same form of stuff. Thought and energy is one. Thought waves are cosmic waves that penetrate all time and space. There is one original formless substance, and which all things are made. Where does everything start? it starts in thought and whats thought? Thoughts energy.

Thought in substance produces shapes. A human being is a thinking center, capable of original thought. So you are a thinking center. You're the center of thought. Thoughts are on the present, thought energy is everywhere. And this energy moves in to your conciousness. And you can think anything that you want to think.

If anyone of us can communicate our thought to original substance, we can cause the creation or formation of the thing we think about. That's a Huge Idea

So.....begin right now to calm your mind. Bring yourself to a place of peace and be open to loving direction. Keep in mind that the direction or help offered may not be what you thought it would be. It is important that you not dictate. When I say submission....I mean submission. Also, in order to receive miracles and blessings, YOU MUST BE WILLING TO ACCEPT THEM! Be on the lookout for small things offered. Give thanks and receive the gift. (Even if it is something as small as advice). Be aware. Search

When inspired with guidance...now, you must pick yourself up and take action. Swift action. You'll know if it is divine revelation. If the guidance is life affirming, (either to you or someone else)...get up and just do it! Don't wait. Yes, it is possible for something to be handed to you; but taking action on guidance should be just as much of a miracle to be realized

Everybody's journey will be different and unique to their own personal experience although what I've suggested here is the beginning foundation necessary.

After you've worked yourself out of an immediate crisis; a few important questions should arise for your consideration. How do you move forward and close the gate behind? What are you going to do to build a better life? I don't think you want to come back to this horrible wretched place again...right?

Well; to build anything, you must start on a firm foundation. You've started your building process by changing the way you think. You've planted the good seeds. Now, the good seeds must be fed and nurtured to grow. But what about all those weeds? The weeds must be pulled up, one at a time or they will over run the good seeds of your garden again. There is still more work to be done for a good foundation

I know some are thinking they already have a good foundation in place and want to start moving forward on their journey. I suggest they ask themselves a question before beginning; Look at your surroundings right now....what do you see?

If your life is in chaos, your surroundings are a mess, (literally and figuratively), your health is substandard, have addictions or a number of spirit killing situations....then you need to work on yourself FIRST. Remember...God is not the author of chaos.

This is also true for those who have asked for advice, paid for programs and/or coaches and nothing seems to work. If the advice received is good and nothing is working; then something of a higher priority should be attended to. If you are in bad health or physical pain...your body is trying to tell you something. Listen to the alarms going off! Your state of mind has manifested EVERYTHING you are experiencing right now.

Working on yourself first before starting any new venture, or relationship is absolutely necessary because it is YOU holding you back

The traditional way is to gather a group that has an interest in what is being "stormed." Go around the table and each person may present an idea. Only one at a time. Someone must act as "secretary" and record the ideas on a large tablet that everyone can read. Only one or two ideas to a page. Keep going around the room until no one has anything further to offer. No idea or comment is off limits doing this. Once everyone is done the moderator of the group goes back over each idea. Some will need to be discounted as not being practical, others will have merit to consider further. The refined list then goes to management who will decide which ideas are implemented

Focus on quantity
No criticism
Unusual ideas are welcome
Combine and improve ideas

Set the problem
Determine and specify the problem which needs a solution. Every participant must know the problem.

Generate ideas
Generate as many ideas as possible. Keep in mind the four basic brainstorm rules and record the good ideas. Continue for five to fifteen minutes.

Select best idea
Select the most appropriated idea from the suggested ideas

I have tried to get you to see that the power to change is within you. That when you focus on others and see yourself as a victim, that you will give that power to them and forever remain a victim.

The key is in knowing clearly what you want, and focusing on THAT not what stops you. Then let go and let God. Allow ideas to come to you, have faith that people WILL help you (if you don't trust them, as you don't trust anyone in Singapore, then you will reject God's attempts at sending you helpers)

Finally be ready to take action when the moment arrives and don't fear what comes next... go forth boldly. This is what I came into your life to tell you. Now it's up to you to make it happen

There's a book called "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful". It describes how failures happen to everyone, only the successful people never give up. They understand that failure is part of the process, so when things go wrong, or people try to stop them, they just keep going until they succeed

Somehow...someway...you got to where you are now because of how you think. I'm going to make a suggestion Please take the time to read a very short book, - You can also go to any bookstore in the "classic" section and buy it. It's called, "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen and was written in the 1800's. This book is deep and every single sentence has wisdom; so it is something that has to be read and studied slowly. I highly recommend this little book, because it changed many life in a profound way.

After reading, "As A Man Thinketh" and ABSORBING what it says...you will begin to understand why I am sending you in this direction before starting your journey

My idea - "How to win friends and influence people" is an awesome book and I highly recommend you pick it up. The book goes into detail on how to be more of a selfless, encouraging, and humble person and those attributes we'll attract people to you. One of my favorite lines of the book says that 'you can make more friends in two weeks by taking an interest in others then you can in two years trying to tell others about yourself'.

My suggestion to a book it’s a book called the conversations with God. There are 3 in the series. You may want to read them and see where that takes you as a start to getting your life on track. You can go on the web and search Neale Donald Walsh as he is the author and has several very good sites

Life can always be difficult at times. The key is to realize that there is another Law called the Law of Polarity. For every negative, there is a positive. For every up, there is a down. We tend to stay focused on the negative, but the sight should be on the fact that there is a positive in direct proportion to the negative. Always keep your focus on your dream and possibility, and never on your current situation. CREATE what you DO want in your mind, and ignore what you DON'T want. And don't let the present situation that you don't like be your focus, againfocus on what you DO like and want. Then TRUST and BELIEVE. If you do not, then your situation cannot change.

I'm wishing you well and sending love your way. Hope this helps, Warm Regards, and thank you for your question