Out of Control 6year old?

Question

A friend recently moved back from being away for several years with her family. She has a 6 year old son and a 1year old girl. I have a 3 1/2yro that I really don't even want around her son. He is uncontrollable. When you ask him to do something he literally throws a fit, screaming like a baby, running away and hiding, or he tries to negociat every little detail. He doesn't listen to other adults, and is down right rude at times, to adults and other kids. I feel he is a bad influence but have never had to deal with this type of behavior and my opion is of no use. She has taken him to several doctors. They say he has ADD, and shows signs of Asburger disease. She always seems to make excuses for his behavior, and he doesn't seem to be getting any better even with medication. Are their any other options for her. How are we the friends and family to handle this behavior. And what kind or example is this setting for my child, and her younger child?

Answer 1

He sounds like he is craving discipline.

Answer 2

If a young child is trying to 'negotiate', then I would guess that he learned that from either one, or both of his parents.
Negotiating with children does not work. It tells them that if they wait long enough, if they throw a big enough tantrum, then they can get what they want.
Even though it may be difficult, and may seem 'mean', it's an adults job (and especially for the parent(s) ) to be strong enough to stand up to their kids and 'lay down the law'. Otherwise children will walk all over you.

IN NO WAY DO I MEAN TO USE ANY FORM OF PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE. When she asks him to do something, he either does it, or he has a consequence, no if's and's or but's.

I am working with a six yr old girl right now who calls people names all the time-which means that she is quite often "sitting out". At the park, if she calls someone a name, then she has to sit out on the bench, or on the side on the grass. If she calls someone a name (or hits someone) at the table, then I ask her to leave the table (and sometimes have to 'help' her to leave the table) until she is ready to follow the table manner rules.
Somedays are better (and easier) than others.

It's REALLY important that she give a lot of praise when he does listen, and for any little thing that he does that is 'positive behaviour'.

If her son does indeed have ADD and/or Asburger Syndrome (it's not a disease), then hopefully she will find a doctor and parent support group that will offer her support and correct information on how she can help her son to live a wonderful, productive, and happy life!

Answer 3

I've got a 6 yr old nephew and 4 yr old neice that throw fits and hit my kids. My husband says I'm the mean aunt and I'm fine with that. When they are at my house, I give them choices and make them live with it. If they don't want to help clean up, I say "You can 'help' clean up now or do it all by yourself. Either way, you're cleaning up." When they dump something on the floor, I stand by while they clean every little drop. When they hit my kids, I stand them in the corner (1 minute for every year of age). I have dragged them back to the corner numerous times, but now they know the rules and don't move until their time out is done. I stopped my sister in law several times when she tried to intervene. I've told her "I saw them break the rules and I gave them the punishment. It is now my responsibility to follow through with the punishment I gave them." Luckily she has agreed.

Kids need rules and consequences. The important thing is to make sure you follow through with the consequences. Once you get him to follow the rules at your house, you'll be surprised how well he acts whenever you're around.

Answer 4

Well, I haven't dealt with ADD before, but it is probably setting a pretty bad example for your child. Just make sure you tell your child that that is not acceptable behavior and if he acts liek that he will get a time-out (or whatever punishment you use.) Good luck! IT might help to just ignore the child. Unless he is causing damage to something or someone, of course.

Answer 5

Asperger's Syndrome is a developmental disorder in the spectrum of Autism. If he has this condition, he cannot be expected to behave like a child without it. Life is very difficult for him at his young age, and what you are seeing is that he is trying to navigate his way in the world despite the disability.

No medication will take away this condition. If they do diagnose him with it, your own children can know that he is dealing with this and that they should not behave similarly.

There is plenty of help for kids with this condition, but you simply cannot expect him to just snap out of it. I'm sure his mother is beside herself with worry. If her excuse for his behavior is his disorder, it's a pretty darn good excuse. Please be compassionate toward your friend. She has done nothing wrong. Life for her must be really difficult right now.

The best thing you can do if you want to help and want to be a part of their lives is to educate yourself about Aspergers and autism in general. Here are some links:

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/Aspergers-Syndrome-Topic-Overview
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
http://www.wrongplanet.net/

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Sounds to me more like a lack of discipline evidenced by the throwing of fits and trying to negotiate. That's not signs of ADHD that's plain and simple lack of discipline. It's not this child's fault he has been allowed to behave this way.

Answer 8

If he truly has Asperger's he will be year's behind his age socially and mentally. My son has Aspergers.

Medication can help but it doesn't 'cure' anything. I pray she is dealing with a pediatrician and psychologist in order to get help with dealing with these behaviours because she doesn't have to do it on her own.

The Oasis is the best AS website on the net.

Answer 9

I've seen this too with Asberger children. Your friend should join a local support group and consult with experts in her area. She shouldn't have to fee that she's alone.

Answer 10

ISN'T IT IRONIC THAT THE GENERATION THAT STOPPED SPANKING THEIR CHILDREN, THOSE SAME CHILDREN HAVE BECOME THE POSTER CHILD FOR ADD.

WHEN THEY DON'T WANT TO MIND...THEY HAVE ADD
WHEN THEY DON'T WANT TO STUDY...ADD
WHEN THEY CAN'T SOCIALIZE...IT'S THE ADD
WHEN THEY WON'T FOLLOW DIRECTIONS...ADD AGAIN

NEVER IN ALL MY GROWING UP YEARS DID I ATTEND SCHOOL WITH, GROW UP WITH OR COME IN CONTACT WITH ANYONE WHO HAD ADD. WE WERE TAUGHT FROM DAY ONE THE RULES...AT HOME...AT GRANDMA'S...AT CHURCH...AT SCHOOL...ANYWHERE OUR TWO FEET LANDED...WE WERE MADE TO MIND. BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO WAS 'RESPONSIBLE' FOR ALL THAT HARD WORK??? OUR PARENTS! PARENTS NOW DAYS ARE TOO LAZY, TOO SELFISH, TOO SELF-CENTERED AND TOO IRRESPONSIBLE ...DID I SAY TOO LAZY???

SOME LIBERAL PSHYCOLOGISTS SOME TWENTY FIVE YEARS AGO BELIEVED THE LIE THAT THE DEVIL HATCHED IN THEIR MINDS THAT SPANKING CHILDREN WOULD WARP THEIR MIND, PERSONALITIES, AND THAT IT WAS CHILD ABUSE. AND NOW EVERY LAZY PARENT THAT'S LOOKING FOR AN EXCUSE TO 'WHY' THEIR LITTLE JOHNNY OR SUZIE IS ACTING LIKE A TWO HEADED MONSTER, IS TRYING TO JUSTIFY IT WITH...THEY HAVE ADD.

I HAVE TO AGREE WITH EM....

THEIR CHILD DOES HAVE ADD...THE ABSENCE OF DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE!