How do I nurture the good and not the negative?

Question

I am a very religious woman, and my husband also has strong religious beliefs. We have always had a troubled relationship. He used to drink exessively and that caused our family huge problems (financial, emotional, and otherwise) for the first five years of our marriage. I left him and he promised to change if I took him back. After 6 months, I did. I found that the drinking was not necesarilly our entire problem. It was just so big, and he was so absent, that I didn't notice the others as much. I feel affection for him, and do not have trouble being physically attracted to him. Often, I feel like I love him, but often I don't. Sometimes, I even hate him. Which is awful, because how I believe, Love God, and love everyone else. I do not have trouble loving my neighbor. Sometimes the biggest thing I resent him for is that he ever convinced me to marry him. I was on the rebound and thought I was in love again. How is it that I can love and forgive the whole world, but not him? Help!

I put this in religion and not marriage because I am hoping someone who believes similarly to how I believe can offer me a Christian perspective on this. I do NOT believe in divorce.

I thought I should spell out some of the good and bad about him and our relationship:

Good: *He has never given up on me, even when I've given up on him.
*He is a great father
*He never lets us walk away from an argument still both angry. (although, sometimes this is part of what I hate)
*He is devoted, a real one woman man
*He loves me completely

Bad: *I will ALWAYS fear a relapse (drinking), and it is hard for me to trust him, even after 3 years sober
*He has a battering ram style of arguing that is sooo infuriating
*He never believes he is wrong
*He is SOO unsophisticated, and will often tell embarrasing, crude jokes at inappropriate times

But probably more than these negative issues, the real reasons I resent him are 1: the fact that he is not someone I would have ever married were I not on the rebound, and now that I know how to choose better, I can't get a redo
2. The past (his drinking and LYING)

Answer 1

Romans 12:16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be conceited. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." 20 To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Ephesians 4:26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives-- 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-- 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Answer 2

It is interesting in the Bible that God never tells women to love their husbands the way he tells husbands to love their wives. Women are told to obey them. Concentrate on being a "helpmeet" to your husband, seek to make him prosper in what he does and let God deal with the needs in his life.

Answer 3

Maybe disappointment has caused you to guard your heart, you thought he would offer you a salve for your hurt and he added to it...but to forgive him is the first step to healing yourself and your marriage...so good luck to you both...my best wishes...

Answer 4

that's why Jesus left the Holy Spirit here on earth ..... to help us when we need to understand life better..... just say thankful prayers that He will help you ..... cause He knows already........ what you need and want..... be thankful for His insight...... be thankful for Him showing you what He sees in your husband....... some times you have to put Jesus right in front of you so you can see your husband- through Him .... be thankful for more wisdom and grace............ not only will you think better and clearer,,,,,,,,,, you will be happier and more pleased with your life.