I don't know whether or not to call of my wedding in 3 months!!!?

Question

Here's my story: I got engaged like 8 months ago and I will be getting married in 3 months.
I haven't really felt as excited as I think I should be planning my wedding. It's been very stressful not only has it been hard due to our families not really telling us how much they're willing to spend, but also the fact we had a really rough patch in the early stages of our engagement, money issues, i lost my job, and his job is not as good paying to support us both in the worst case I don't get a job, and not to mention his sister HATES me and I don't think his mom likes me very much but she doesn't say anything. It's just so much stress, I am getting physically and emotionally drained. I have woken up recently asking myself if I really want this, or I have dreams about being with other men, or just stuff like that. We also have been arguing so much recently due to all these things. I don't know what to do....

And the whole situation with his family is his sister wrote me an e-mail saying she gets annoyed with me because she says I am "over too much" and pretty much implied that she can't stand me. Her and her friends have been givcing me dirty looks lately and she always ignores me. At their house I feel like an outkast. I almost feel as if they didn't want me to marry him. My fiance hasn't really said much to them so thats also why we fight so much it's causing me a lot of emotional stress.All he's done is ask his sister if She likes me and of course she says yes but i have a gut feeling she's lying. Also, she always says that hes never home anymore and that we are always together. But the truth is, we are always with his family, and every now and then with mine. We don't really have "dates" anyomore we just watch movies together ALL THE TIME. or we are at church helping out. or we have something to get done, etc. And the times we try to spend together are great but we still fight sometime

To the person who said I sounded immature, I am sorry but I didn't think planning a wedding would be all butterflies and cartwheels on top of cotton candy clouds. I just said I haven't felt as excited about it because of the fact that half of the stuff for the wedding has been chosen for me and most of my bridesmaids barely ever talk to me. BUT I DO LOVE THIS GUY! I wanted to marry him because we made each other happy. And I thought his family loved me. His sister tends to be "fake" with me..she'll be nice for a few months or weeks then something doesn't go her way and she flips out. As for his mom, she barely says what she thinks it's all about looks. They try to get involved in our fights. They judge me for the fights we have. every couple fights but with me I am always the bad one, he isn't...he's a saint...it's annoying....I've told my fiance I'd love to just get married and that's it! I feel like I am fighting for us to spend time together, because so many things are inthe way

Answer 1

The hardest person for a woman to listen to is herself. Your head, heart and body are all telling you the same thing, what are they saying?

Dont stay because its comfortable, stay because you love him and want nothing more than to be his wife.

Honestly, it doesnt sound like you want to stay in this relationship anymore. You sound unhappy and unsure. I think its time to go. Even if you just postpone the wedding and take a short break to clear your heads and figure out what you both want.

Answer 2

I too am planning a wedding and I can sympathize with you that it is a lot of work....and stress. We are not wealthy by any means, but we work hard for what we have, and we have been paying for the wedding mainly ourselves. My father shows little support and has opted to not take part in my wedding. There will almost always be a family conflict somewhere.

But you said it yourself, you love him...and in the end that is all that matters. Take the time to let him know that. Have a date once in a while, even if it is just a little inexpensive picnic. If he is frustrated at something, just listen to him, show him you care about how he feels. You don't even need to say anything. Be there for each other. Don't let others dissuade you from what you really want....and don't let the stress get to you. Consider it a test. Many marriages end because of money issues. If you can weather through the rough times and still come out by each others side, the rest will fall into place.

Answer 3

First off, this is very normal to be adjusting with his family. I had a horrible experience with my MIL and she made my husband and I miserable for months after the wedding. I pretty much did everything for my wedding because I didn't want to deal with any madness from a family member. My girlfriend told me a long time ago the first year of marriage is the hardest. And she's so right!!

Your husband's family is having a hard time accepting another woman in his life. The "woman" can't have control over him, your the love of his life now. Your husband is adjusting and at some point he's going to see he has to step up and say your #1, and that'll be a big eye opener for everyone. But right now it's an adjustment and he may not even realize what's going on. Talk to him. This is not about them anymore, and remember the same thing would be happening to someone else, it's not personal. It's about you and him building a life together.

I know my MIL is crazy but I've learned to deal with it and so will you. Stay strong. If you love each other nothing matters. Keep the witches out of your lives, it's none of their business.

My husband is south asian and from my experience they have a harder time breaking the apron strings. Maybe there's some cultural differences with your husband's family too.

Answer 4

Try not to worry, it's not uncommon.

It sounds to me that you need to find ways of cutting out your stress levels, including having a very low-key wedding, or eloping. Most of the complaints you have are not about marriage, they're about the wedding itself.

My sister-in-law hated me when I married my husband. We're tentative friends now. Be kind and gracious and give it time. Family relationships take a lot of time and a lot of work, and patience and understanding. While the family is very important, you're marrying the man, not his family. Having to be loved by every one of them in order to think that it's a good idea to marry him makes no sense -- you can't be everyone's favorite person. As long as his opinion of you doesn't mirror theirs, then you're okay. It does sound a little, too, like she's jealous. A lot of family members (siblings, in particular) get like that when another family member marries. I'd say give it time, and integrate into the family over time. Be who you are, be kind, and love their son/brother. The rest will fall into place in time.

Same goes for the mom.

Honestly, the stress of planning the wedding could be clouding your judgement about other things, like thinking they hate you.

Having dreams about other men, believe it or not, is normal and okay. You don't have control of your dreams, and it doesn't mean you won't have a happy marriage if you have the occasional dream about an ex, or a friend, or a random guy. When you wake up, tell yourself firmly and repeatedly that it was a dream. Don't dwell on it.

The way I see it, you have a few options to consider. Have a low-key, intimate wedding, cutting down on all the stuff that "needs" to be done. Or you could go to the justice of the peace and get married, hassle-free.

While I think there's a good chance you could salvage a happy engagement and marriage, the number of excuses you're making does kind of hint that you just don't want to get married, period.

But since most of your reasonings revolve around the wedding instead of the marriage, I really do think it would be a good idea to make some major cutbacks and see if things calm down for you.

Answer 5

listen to your heart. Do you love him, enough that if something bad were to happen to him you think you're life would end too? In-law families are always a pain and 9 times out of 10 the spouse to be and the in-laws do not like each other very much in the beginning. You just have to ask yourself, do you love him enough to blow off all the evil things his sister is doing and to spend the rest of your life with him whether his family likes you or not, it's not about them it's about you and your groom to be. Maybe instead of calling it off all together postpone it until things calm down some, give it some time see how you feel.

Answer 6

HON....sit down n put one n one together..... he s family may not like you and he can not change their minds neither can you....also u don t have to change yrself....his sister has to get over the fact that he "is not around anymore" because "he" has a fiance now.....(DUH!!!) if you feel like they won t help you and they didn t say anthn so far then u shouldn t beg them n shouldn t wait 4 them!!!!! either cancell the wedding(for now) and when u have enough money you do it on your own with yr man (rub it in their face style) or take yr parents n a couple of friends n get married in a chapel n then go smwhere for a nice dinner n drinks!!!! YES!!!i know....big wedding more gifts big reception.....BIG MONEY DARLING!!!i was EXACTLY in the same situation as you (now divorsed) hatin family,no help,him like obliviated n fights!!! so i thought whoever cares n loves us won t have a problem with a small weddin n a small party n MOST OF ALL we didn t mind!! and anyways half of those people you won t even c them again.....right?then why invite em in the first place????? now as about the fightin that s because of all these "problems" you guys have to solve.if you feel though that u r not sure generally about yr guy....what s the rush???u JUST got engaged!!!!!! spend some time together ...relax...find a job n see how it works out....and if it doesn t.....oh well...life goes on!!!! good luck girl n don t stress it out!!!! FORGOT 2 TELL U....AFTER MY XPERIENCE N WHAT I READ FOR YOURS (TOLD U SAME) I WOULD START PACKIN ALREADY!!!NEEDLESS TO SAY RUN !!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Folow your gut, that little vioce inside. Maybe you should postpone the wedding and really make sure you two are ready. If money is the issue, just go elope and have a simple reception later. The time and not feeling connected is another problem. Spend some time to think this over, talk to him, and then you both decide what to do. Good luck.

Answer 8

I had alot of the same feelings while I was planning my wedding. These are all pretty normal things to go through before the wedding day actually arrives. If you love him I say go for it, he obviously doesn't care what his family thinks if he's still with you.
I'm sure his sister will come around, it sounds like she's being a little overprotective of her brother.
Congratulations!!!!

Answer 9

I felt that you are not ready for a marriage yet.
Instead off calling it off, why don't you postpone the wedding till next year (or 9 months down). That way you have time to cool down and think about you and him.
Do not worry about the trouble you have to go through by postpone it. It is nothing comparing with all the troubles you have to face if you get into a wrong marriage. Just delay it for a while.

Answer 10

you mentioned that you help out at church. Please consider talking to your minister about these issues and asking him/her for some counseling sessions. It sounds like you two really need some help sorting out the stress of planning a wedding from real relationship issues. If the big source of your anxiety is the wedding, then scale it back or ask people to help you. If there are othere issues, maybe you could postpone the wedding until these are resolved. Your minister could probably be very helpful to you both.

Good luck.