I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 4 months now. He is getting involved with general diciplin of them. Making them follow through on tasks and that sort of thing. He does not hurt them physically and ushually does not yell. But he is firm and hard in his voice if he needs to be. I feel comfortable with this. My girls have never really had a man in the house and I don't think they understand. They don't think he should be able to say anything.
I really like this guy and want things to work out for us. How can I help my girls adjust?
2007-08-06 13:03:27 · 22 answers · asked by erinjl123456 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
he doesn't have any say..he is not their dad..he is your BOYFRIEND...that's all...its your responsibly to discipline your girls...not him...
2007-08-06 13:05:48 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Experts say that there should be very limited contact between children and a parents "special friend" until the relationship is serious. He should not be disciplining them at all much less being too involved in their lives. You have only known the guy for 4 months. You jumped on the bandwagon much too soon.
2007-08-07 08:09:30 · answer #2 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I became a single mom 5 years ago. I felt great. Then about a year and half later I met someone whom I thought was for me. He began disciplining my children very early on and it destroyed my relationship with my children. I also became insane (very depressed and anxious). I always felt caught in the middle. He even raged at me and my children. I felt horrible. I finally broke up with him after 1-1/2 years. I should have left him the first time he yelled at my child. You are the parent, not the boyfriend. If he can't accept your children or the way you parent, trust me, you will never be happy.
2007-08-10 13:09:26 · answer #3 · answered by Snively 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't.
Discipline is YOUR job and YOUR"S ALONE.
Those are YOUR children not his.
You are their mom for life and for all you know he could be out the door is 6 months...where would that leave you?
Take control of your own children.
YOU make them follow through on tasks and chores.
You decide the punishment and the rewards.
If you allow some "Boyfriend" to do it for you , you lose the respect of your children and later will NOT be able to blame them for not respecting you.
I raised 3 kids and did not allow their step father to dole out the discipline or rewards. That was my job because I am their mother.
He and I talked prior to getting together and chose it to be this way so there could be no finger pointing later if the kids tried to play one against the other. Our rules were backed up by moms hand and step dad did not go against what Mom said in regards to the kids.
2007-08-06 20:14:17 · answer #4 · answered by mommakaye 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tell them lifes not fair (don't really, but thats the message behind what I'm about to say).
First off, tell the man to back off, this is temporary, and OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE. You see, from their point of view it's like, "this is some random stranger who is coming into my life and telling me what to do. Why should I listen to him?"
Which all step kids think, trust me I have 2 step-parents.
Now, I know since you were a single mom, it must've been hard on you to raise them alone, so I guess you're ok with letting him discipline, but take control of the taking control just for a little bit longer
Make sure he understands he can't have control yet either. His point of view is, Hey I'm the man here, you listen up. But the kids won't until they're warm w/ him and like him.
Get everyone on friend terms, then let him command. If I only knew someone for 4 months and all of a sudden he tells me to clean my room, I sure wouldn't listen.
2007-08-06 20:09:44 · answer #5 · answered by adklsjfklsdj 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Kids come first. Period.
It's way to early for him to be doing any sort of dicipline, If you marry him, then once they are used to him being their stepdad he can step in but now is way too early.
If I was a kid I would really resent a boyfriend acting like my parent. You're the parent, you should do ALL the discipline. If for some reason this guy doesn't work out, you've done damage to the realtionship with the kids.
I'll say it again- KIDS COME FIRST.
2007-08-06 20:07:49 · answer #6 · answered by christine_ 4 · 7⤊ 1⤋
I agree with the first person. I've heard over and over that it is never okay to have a boyfriend discipline a child that he is not the father of. It causes resentment and confusion, you are the parent, not him. Enjoy your relationship with him, but you be the only parent to your child. Especially considering it's only been 4 months, I'd protest too if some guy had come along and felt like he could tell me what to do or punish me when I misbehaved.
2007-08-06 20:08:38 · answer #7 · answered by nimo22 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend of ONLY 4 months doesn't have ANY right to discipline these children, especially NO right to yell at them. Frankly You need to think of your CHILDREN'S needs first, you are ALLOWING this guy to WAY overstep the boundaries and your children have the right to protest. They don't HAVE to accept him...YOU have to accept the fact they don't care for this guy who is obviously trying to take over YOUR job if you want your children disciplined then YOU do it.
2007-08-07 22:58:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They shouldn't adjust the last boyfriend my mum had he started of that way and then he became a violent dick towards all of us including me mum and i just think listening to us is better than deciding on what you what you need to think of your girls to but you could try asking them the problem with him and try solve that but id be careful i moved in with my Nana because of it so just a little warning !!
2007-08-06 20:33:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After four months this man should not have the right to ever raise his voice to your kids even if the need be.
Perhaps you are so grateful to have him in YOUR life that you are not taking the ques that your daughters are giving you.
Children were blessed by God to be the greatest judges of character.
I am a single mother too, so I do understand, just try to stay grounded and above all protect your girls.
They truly need you.
2007-08-06 20:09:34 · answer #10 · answered by pure conscience 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
First of all, your boyfriend needs to shut his mouth. He has no say. If you marry him, its understandable. Until then, keep out.
Its nice that you are moving on and are happy, but you cannot make your children unhappy by submitting to a man who is not their father. Dont allow them to disrespect him, but at the same time, keep him out of their business.
2007-08-06 20:08:13 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋