Whatever happened to the idea of certain questions being "too personal" to ask?

Question

I was raised that it was considered inappropriate to ask people their age, how much $ they may, how much they weigh, how much they paid for something. Nowadays it seems like any sort of question is fair game, and if you don't answer you are accused of "having something to hide." I recently heard a woman ask a co-worker about their sexual orientation and I was shocked at how rude that was. Her reason for asking? Simply...I want to know.

It's one thing if someone wants to self-disclose, but I'm wondering when did things change to where a body isn't allowed to have a few secrets or made to feel guilty for wanting to keep private things private?

Answer 1

What I do when asked such a question, I respond with, "When it becomes your business, I will let you know." And walk away.

Answer 2

It is hard to be a slightly private person. Stick with it. I think Miss Manner's actually has some great lines for responding to such unwelcome inquires. I wouldn't walk away, I'd go with the slightly flustered slightly fussy sort of answer -- like, "oh goodness, this isn't a good time for such an intimate conversation" or, "I'm flattered that you take such an interest in my life (and then do not answer the question but move briskly along to something else)." And really, Miss Manners is a great source -- she doesn't write about which fork to use sometimes and that can be tedious but she's great for maintaining boundaries! May the force be with you.

Answer 3

One has only to give the asker a level look, and say "I don't feel like making that information public, thanks.", or simply "I'd rather not say." If someone accuses you of having something to hide' then grow a spine and tell them in a tone of voice that brooks no more argument, that you have a right to "personal info remaining personal". The tone of voice and the level stare is VERY important, BTW. If they keep pushing the issue you can suspect you have encountered someone with a possible borderline personality disorder; these people do not respect personal boundaries. A DECENT person will respect you, step back and apologize for prying. A BPD may try to save face by ridiculing your reticence to "share"; it is best to walk away and not let yourself be bullied by them; they can be spiteful so it is best not to provoke them. You might also want to keep an eye on them for future trouble; such people will inevitably show their lack of respect for boundaries in other more subtle and more troublesome ways as well.

Answer 4

Miss Manners is a wealth of information regarding how to respond to inappropriate personal questions.

Part of the problem we face is that as we grow up, we are told that we should answer questions posed to us by adults/authority figures. "Where did you get that?" "Where were you this afternoon?" etc. etc.

However, as we grow, the lesson about "personal questions" seems to be missed... on both sides of the question. People are not taught to NOT ask personal questions (what kind of questions are inappropriate to ask), nor are people taught that they are not required to answer every question posed to them.

While the question, "How old are you?" is acceptable for anyone under 21, it is not acceptable the rest of your life... EXCEPT when the person asking the question is a law enforcement agent or physician! These people DO have a right to obtain this information, but others do not.

Just last week, a couple of co-workers asked me a very... VERY explicitly PERSONAL question. I gave them a look of HORROR and asked, "WHAT did you SAY???" While they were dumb enough to actually continue with the query, I said that I don't appreciate my personal life being a topic of discussion. I have since filed a written complaint because it bordered on harassment.

However, a simple, "I'm sorry, but I don't wish to talk about that," should suffice for most people.... if they persist, YOU persist, too... "I'm sorry, but I don't wish to talk about that... I'm sorry, but I don't wish to talk about that... " and so on. Eventually they will stop asking. If they think you are being rude, why worry about it? Why worry about being rude to someone who is rude?

Have a nice day!

Answer 5

The media, in all it's forms, doesn't help this outbreak of No Holds Barred line of questioning and TMI moments. With every pound of a celebrity's body being headlining news, and online blog spots like Myspace giving people the idea that EVERYone is interested in what they do on a daily basis, it's no wonder that my coworker feels the need to share her monthly cycles step by step with the office and doesn't consider it rude to ask if I got laid last night.
I'm not sure what changed, or when it happened, but don't you feel guilty about wanting to keep your closet of secrets and personal goodies firmly shut. I for one whole heartedly appreciate it.

Answer 6

i watch wrestling through fact it is relaxing like the rest on television. in case you watch a comedy or drama, or maybe relatives guy it is pretend. ninety 9.9% of all television is pretend. that's composed of information through fact 0.5 the time the information comments fake suggestion. So for persons to assert wrestling is pretend is a stupid declare through fact in case you watch relatives guy, guess what" it is pretend! If somebody will pay $10 for a action picture, they could nicely known that the action picture is pretend and its a storyline with manufacturers who placed the action picture mutually. bq: Lita. Lita already knew the thank you to try against earlier she got here into the wwe. she took the ladies's branch to a clean point with severe flying strikes, stuff that those divas immediately does not even do. i'm a Trish fan, yet she got here into the wwe as eye candy. trish worked her thank you to be an excellent wrestler, yet Lita replaced into extra acceptable than her. Lita replaced right into a real wrestler and wasn't a type became right into a wrestler. Trish replaced into shoved down our throats in simple terms through fact of her seems. i don't care what each and every individual else has to assert, it is my opinion. Trish replaced into reliable, yet Lita ought to try against circles around Trish Stratus. Lita is between the terrific woman wrestlers in WWE background.

Answer 7

I think when talk shows started asking very personal question and celebs actually answered them started it all. People began to think it was okay to ask others the same questions and people actually answered. Somehow we have gotten the idea we must answer personal questions. I know I don't.
I've heard celebs like Oprah ask her guests questions I know I wouldn't answer and am damn sure if she was asked the same would refuse to answer. I could give a damn what America thinks they have the right to know. My private business is just that "MY private business!"
There are certain questions that are just tacky and if people would have a backbone they'd tell the asker just that or as my Dad's friends says, "None of your damn business."

Answer 8

I feel like I am a pretty 'up front 'kind of person , but I'll let a person know in no uncertain terms when they have gone too far.
Good grief I have had people (even in public) tell me such personal things that I wanted to crawl into the nearest hole !

Answer 9

I feel guilty too when I don't answer every question, but I think you get to a point where you have to have some boundaries. Today I flat out told a guy at work when he asked a non-work related question that it wasn't really his business and it felt good. Maybe it's our culture, where we see every secret about every celebrity revealed on tv, even stuff you don't want to know!

Answer 10

Apparently you and I were asleep when it became appropriate to ask these questions.

I am not an extremely private person, but I dislike personal questions.