Does your church meet in small groups/growth groups? I'm having a dilemma...can you help?

Question

I joined a growth group through my church about 6 months ago. For the summer, we took a "break". Group starts up again in a couple weeks and i'm torn on whether or not I should continue to go...please help.

I love group meetings. The topics we talk about are very interesting and I like talking about them. Here's my issue. My church groups people by life station, we are young families. Trouble is, they are all couples and most of them have money. I am married, but my husband doesn't attend and we are the poorest of the poor.

Now, let me say that I am thrilled to stay home with my kids even if it means suffering financially. I am not unhappy with my situation.

I just feel that it's not right that I go to these meetings feeling embarrassed about hanging out in thier nice house listening to them talk about their problems. They work together(as a couple) on things, I work alone (my husband feels that working is enough). What should I do?

What should I do?

Basically, my issue is that I love group meetings, but I don't feel like I fit in with young families because my husband doesn't go. I'm not single either. I just don't seem to fit anywhere.

Answer 1

I would send the above question to your Pastor in an E-mail and make an appointment to talk to him about it.

13 years ago I went thru a divorce and one the things I learned was how "out of touch" the average happily married pastor is with the real world.

How so many churches are designed with the happily married couples in mind and how out of place people in your situation feel. I was in a small group with my wife and a bunch of other families and when my wife ran off, I was essentially told I was no longer welcome in that group.

And by the actions of the senior pastor, it became clear I was no longer welcome at that church.

So I did find another church.

The first church I went to after that didn't get the message.

The second church I went to was better, but if it wasn't for the fact that a former marriage counselor we had gone to was an Elder of that church I'm not sure what would have happened after that.

In contrast to that, as a 23 year old rookie pastor I found myself pastoring a small church where half the people in the church were Mom's and children where the Dad was not a Christian.

I was only at that small church a year, but half of those unsaved husbands were saved before I left.

Most pastors don't have as a priority, getting the unsaved family members saved.

And in my view, they should.

Pastor Art

Answer 2

Oh, that's a tough one. I say keep going. Do you think you could raise the issue in the group? It's really hard to talk about class issues in the US (well, I don't know where it's easy!) but it could be a really liberating conversation for everyone in the group to be able to talk about how being middle class or working class affects the way the think about everything, including God. Can you tell if there is anything that would make it more comfortable for you to be involved? One possibility would be to go to whoever puts the groups together and see if there is one for people who come to church without their spouses -- lots of people in my church come without their husband or wife and are find with that. So you might just have your own cool group. But I encourage you to talk it over with whoever leads your group and then with the whole group if that first conversation goes well. It's a good thing talk about, it would be hard but you might all feel like you knew each other ever better. I would definately say, talk to someone other person the group first, so you don't feel so alone with it.

Answer 3

You are a Christian and doing a great job raising your children. There are very few women who will do this today! I am sorry to know that your husband is unable to attend these meetings. Money should never be an issue, and if any of the members of your group try to raise such doubts or make you feel embarrassed, they are hardly Christian. Remember that how much worldly riches you have are always relative to the people around you and even if you have less, you should aim to be rich in God's sight!

Such small group gatherings are important to bring us closer to God, strengthen our faith, help us when we are in trouble and would like close friends to by sympathetic, and compelling towards building strong bonds in marriage. Please do ask your husband to try to attend them with you. If it does not work, perhaps you may need him to believe in God first. Do try out an Alpha course (www.alphausa.org) with him - it does not cost anything and you spend a few hours, once a week for only 3 months (and most churches like the ones I support do the supper for free / or almost free). A lot of lives and relationships have been enriched through this course.

Last but not the least, remember God in prayer and ask Him for guidance in your life and family: pray for your husband that he may come to a true faith in Christ and be the leader of the family, for your children that they may know God and receive much blessing from Him, and finally for yourself, that you may be the wife and mother God wants you to be.

He cares, He will answer!

God bless,
Andrew

Answer 4

The church I am a member of, we have regular worship on Sunday morning and Wednesday nights. On Sunday nights (except on the 1st Sunday of the month), we meet in small groups called Share Groups. One group meets at the church building, another at the college (our church is right beside the college), and about six other groups meets at church members houses.

We discuss things over the Sunday mornings sermon.

Your "group" shouldn't be taken a summer break. I just don't know what to say on this matter.

I think you need to ask God for guidance and direction, put this into His hands. I will pray for you, and God Bless.

Answer 5

It sounds like you've learned that that's a lot of value to be found in small groups.

Finding another church isn't necessary, perhaps a 'second church" with a different kind of group that appeals to you.

Would you feel comfortable leading a group? Perhaps a women's book study group? If your church doesn't have this group, start one.

You have other options. A Young adult Bible study, with singles and couples. There may be comittees our departments at your church where you can help, as well.

(Something else to keep in mind . . . most of these happy couples in their nices houses have more credit card debt than your husband's salary.)

Godspeed.

Answer 6

Raising kids is a job. It is challenging and involves long hours. A man or woman who stays home to do this deserves a lot of respect.

How many places in the bible does it say that you aren't worthy of studying God's word if you are poor? None. How many places does it say that you aren't worthy if your husband doesn't come with you? None.

If you are learning then you should go. Do not feel shameful when you see one of your friends living in a nice house. Feel happy for them that they can. The point of group meetings should not be to display wealth. If it is then you are going to the wrong church.

Answer 7

I totally understand where you are coming from. My husband does go to church, and He is a believer, but he really is not interested in a small group at this time, so what I am going to do in the fall is to go to the women's bible study in the mornings at our church. They have a cross of married and unmarried, younger and older- so that I can still be apart of a study- without feeling like I am in the wrong group. Does your church have such a bible study group? You may want to look into it.

Answer 8

Many men feel that "working" is the total sum of what he is required to do to be a successful as a supportive husband. Trouble is, a relationship is based on not only financial support...but emotional and spiritual support of each other as well. The trouble with that reasoning is that, if realized in all logic...then finances will become the most important thing in the relationship.
Since finances cannot be the true standard for success in reality, your husband and you need to explore what brought you together in the first place. He needs to "fully" understand his true role in yours and his relationship. He needs to grasp his full potential as a successful husband and a parent. Sometimes men use work as an escape from the demands of married life with children. The mother truly has her hands full in her tasks of raising children and running a household. Mothers are the soul of the Universe.
Couples that work well together over the long-term tend to be those that realize that their relationship to each other hinge first on the setting of each other as their first priority. Not money, job, or standing in life. Then, develop a workable plan to build each other up and work together in a truly spirit-filled and faith-centered marriage. Being "equally yoked" means having common goals and a common plan to achieve them together in love and faith in each other. A positive mindset and ambition to become more than you have ever been is contagious and can rub off on your husband from you.
These meetings feel somewhat foreign and uncomfortable? Learning experiences can be uncomfortable if approached with trepidation and fear of embarassment. Don't be fearful! You and your husband are just as good as any of these others. Put your worries into God's care by faithful prayer and don't be afraid to ask for what you truly need. One thing to pray for, though; is the wisdom to know what it truly is that we need. Friends and truly grounded Christians are there to help. Remember...Fear is the absence of Faith. God does answer prayers... of course, it's not always the answer we want to hear...but none that follow the Lord will ever be left in worse standings than when they began. Pray for peace in your heart whenever you begin to become overwhelmed at other people's "stuff" and surroundings. No room is empty if your mind is full.
I will pray for you and your husband and pass those concerns onto my Benedictine brothers for their prayers.

Pax Christi,
Rev. Darren "Seraphim" Simpson
Anglican Church of the Trinity
Benedictine

Answer 9

Maybe there are more people like you in your church and if your pastor does not mind, I would start your own group catered to people like you, single parent mom's, wives with spouces who don't go to church and also to include people that are poor (single parent mom's are usually poor) I don't know how you would word this cell group, something not offensive, but welcoming, but God does seem to be calling you into a leadership position, to lead what is called a cell group of your own, you see a need, and you should fill it.

Answer 10

Very understandable! I like mixing with different
people! Perhaps you could go to the main church
services and find another church that has a small
group study that fits better. There is no harm
in that! I like small group study too!