Why does my mother treat me like this? She chose favorites among her children.?

Question

My mother has 3 children. 2 boys and 1 girl. I happen to be the only girl. and I swear that this lady as much as I have done for her has made my days miserable and painful. I'm the oldest of 3 and the only girl... i'm not saying my mother should choose me out of her children but i'm the only girl.. we should be closer as mother and daughter. She degrades me and insults me.... and mistreats me.. and none of this is ever done to my other siblings. I thought maybe I was the one who was doing something wrong and I started cleaning more... and i've never been any trouble to her.. i dont drink, smoke, go out late, i'm never in the streets, i'm never doing anything that brings her trouble. when i was younger like 12 she left me in a hospital room all by myself when i needed her the most at times i had to act like i was sick sometimes to get attention from her.. but my other siblings got unconditional love.. she was there through everything for them. she missed my HS graduation

never bought me any graduation gifts... and i know why because before i graduated she told me i'd never make it. she says im a bad daughter.. i've worked since the age of 15 and my brother who is now 15.. AND A BOY.. doesn't work. she makes food for them and serves their food.. my food is either left in a pot or i get the leftovers and sometimes the left overs aint much to eat im feeling miserable my aunt told me that she has noticed this behavior from her.. she would do absolutely anything for the younger 2 and im like a mistake and worth anything... the other days she told me that she doesnt want me living with her because she doesnt like me.. and how i live and she cant live with me any longer... i am hurt and tears roll of my eyes as i type this she told me that i'd have to find my way because shes just giving me a chance to go to school while i stay with her because she wants me out. im in a community college and saving up to move. i still love her thats my mom but im hurt.

I'm 19, my brother is 15 and the other is 11.

The reason i said bought me a graduation gift because when my younger brother graduated from junior high she bought hims gifts... she could careless about me.. gifts dont even matter to me.. i just wanted to prove she treats me diffrently.

Answer 1

First off, buying gifts is not a declaration of love. Actions are. How someone treats you for example. But I can relate to where you are coming from. I have 5 brothers and I am the only girl and though I am the only one who still talks to her, she likes me the least. She only likes me at the moment b/c I am the only one who talks to her. If one of my brothers came back into the picture, she would turn on me in an instant.
Same thing happened with the insults, etc. Always to me not to my brothers.
You are 19, move out and get on with your life. Seriously. I am 26 and this is still an issue for me. Don't let it drag on for you. Please!

P.S. Contact me, if you want, we have so much in common.

Answer 2

Why don't you ask your mother straight out? Ask her; "Do you love me?" "Why don't you show it?" Let her know that you need her love and support too. She may not realize that she is doing this and if you tell her, maybe she will correct it. Do you know how she was treated when she was little? I ask because some of our parents are "Old School." What I mean by that is that they were often raised that way. Sometimes they don't know how to show affection or they will leave out one of their children. My grandmother shows favoritism to the boys rather than the girls. That is just how she is. None of us don't pay any attention to her anymore. We just let her be.
If your mother does not correct herself, then stop trying to win her over. What I mean is, move on with your life. Do things that make you happy and stop waiting for an approval or a pat on your back from your mother. Go to college and make something of yourself. Do great things that will better yourself and prove your mother wrong. Seek the Lord. God will never let you down. God will guide you if you let him. Say a prayer for her. A prayer is a great and powerful way to ask God to help you with any situation you are having, good or bad. He is an awesome God and He loves you the most and he wants to prosper you. He has so many gifts for you. I will say a prayer for you as well.
Until then,
-God Bless.


Go to: www.fathersloveletter.com

Answer 3

this is not fair at all. you need to confront her, ask her why she is treating you this way. i know that would be really hard and i can only imagine what shes gonna say but you really need to. maybe it was something in her past that has made her treat you like this. i kind of feel the same way b/c im in the shadows of my older sister. shes a good girl, smart and pretty and i cant help but realize that my mother loves more, even by a small percent. anyways, now that you have the option to go to college, you really need to step up to the plate. you cant take any of this crap from your mom. prove to her that you are something more and you are gonna become something so much better than her. you need to stop saying ok, or yes to her. im guessing that you feel very helpless rite now, and that you cant do anything. but you can. you really, i mean really need to be tough. sign up for like a million scholorships, find a place where you can live in college, get as much help as you can. get a job. and in the end, make it a surprise. but what you really need to do is make the final decision. choose where your gonna go, where your gonna get the money, have all your resources in just one phone call away. its all about believeing in yourself that you can get out of this. and yes, maybe she will stop you, yell at you, insult you even more but you have to know that your not the problem-she is. dont be afraid. take the chance. hope this helps!

Answer 4

I know it hurts but all you can do is realize that you have done everything you could to try to change the relationship and its a relationship worth trying to change I know that we all have this fantasy about how things are SUPPOSED to be like for a mother and daughter but the Realty is very different I can feel your pain as I read your words and I wish that you didnt have to feel as you do right now but you are a good girl and dont desearve to be treated like this if I were you I would go to the lenghts of showing her what you wrote as a desperate attempt to help your relationship and the many responses to your suffering that I am sure you will receive maybe this will help her see what she is doing to you and you will both be on your way to the relationship you so desperately want to achieve

Answer 5

you know what you are a beautiful young woman no matter what your mom says and how she treats you. your mother is miserable with her life and she sees in you something that she wished she had. you just keep the focus and respect her and prove to yourself what you want to be out of life NOT you mother. continue to clean and help around the house. continue to do positive things with your life. save your money and get your own. i can assure you that if something has to her and she needs things to be done it will be you that she will come to get those things done not those boys because they will probably grow up to worthless men. stop looking to your mother for your happiness she can not give it to you. you should probably seek some professional help also just to talk to someone to help you understand whats going on with the relationship you have with your mother, also so that you wont go through life selecting the wrong type of men, and/or making life decision base on a need to be loved and to feel love. GodBless

Answer 6

i know what you mean my mother thinks i have to prove myself to her to make sure i'm worthy enough to be her daughter i remember a year ago she told me she didn't like me anymore and that she hated who i had become because i messed up on the volleyball team!! you need to tell her how you feel tell her it isn't fair the way she is treating you and you won't stand for it anymore you need to remind her that you are her daughter and that she needs to remember that ask her to go to the movies with you or something spend some mother daughter time together maybe then she'll see what a great person you've become and if not then oh well HER loss you have your own life to lead and you have bigger places to go good luck with life and just remember you do have people that still care about you good luck supernatural goddess

Answer 7

I kind of know how you feel, because I was the opposite. I'm the youngest of 5(4 boys, 1 girl, I'm a boy and my sister is 1 year older), and based on how the others were treated, I feel like I was the family trash bin. They were all allowed to just be who they were and do their own thing, while I was not.

In the latter parts of my childhood, I was forced by my parents to do what my sister did, go where she went, do what she said, and so on. Sis took advantage of this of course to disrupt anything I wanted to do. I thought one day they'd see my sister for what she was and then give me the love, acceptance, better treatment, etc., I thought I deserved. Sis did one day turn on them and I felt no sympathy for their pain, but it didn't change the way they looked at me. The things I thought would make it all change, like her leaving home, and her turning on them, would help me get the love I needed from them, but it didn't. I tried like you did to get the love I deserved, but it never came.

My advice to you is to try and carve out a life for yourself and not worry about fighting for your mother's love. I wasted several years of my life trying to win back my parents' love, but it never happened. At 19 your life is just beginning, concentrate on that so YOU can build the happy life YOU want, and try not worry about her

Good luck..

Answer 8

Wow Rach - are you my sister??

no -you're too young - it's OK

Look it's weird I know but it's not uncommon for this to occur. Try to think of yourself as being the member of another family - taken in and nursed by this woman -then you can at least feel some measure of gratitude for the b**ch (I don't normally talk like that but this behaviour cheeses me off!!!)

Certainly be sure in yourself that it is not your fault - you did not do anything to cause this treatment!!

You are nearly out of it now and have done really well!! You are obviously a mature and responsible adult member of society and I look forward to you doing great things.

I say this because all great leaders and drivers of change in human history have had trials and tribulations in childhood and/or young adulthood.

What to do;
As far as possible be kind to her - she is damaged
Never let her lower your self esteem
study hard
do great things

You don't need luck mate - you'll make your own!!

Joe

Answer 9

first of all congratulations on graduating,i come from a big family,10 girls 3 boys,and i stopped trying to get my mothers opinion to change of me,i was very close to my grandmother she was like my mother for my whole life,my mother tries to make it up to me,but i am very bitter,i think your mom should change her ways,because her daughter is hurting,and i can tell you is believe in yourself,and maybe in time your mother will come around,i hope so for your sake,it is not easy growing up,feeling like your mother don't care

Answer 10

That's really heartbreaking...
But some mothers are just like that.
I wouldn't really call them a mother if they treat their children like that. When you move out soon probably you'll have a more happier life with children and a husband.