Do you have a step parent? Or are you a step parent?

Question

How do u feel about them? Did they love you just the same, or did they treat you different? Is it possible for a step parent to feel unconditional love for a child the way a parent does?

Answer 1

yup i have a step mom and i love her and i know she loves me! and we both know that she can't replace my real mom but that isn't a problem.

Answer 2

Let me tell you about my situation. My husband is the step-parent of my kids.
Their real father does not have unconditional love. He's abusive, takes no interest in what's going on in their lives and has pedophile tendencies. My kids do not like him and hate being near him.
My husband, however, has shown unconditional love to my kids. He treats them well, has been involved in nearly everything in their lives, and has been there for them to talk to when their own father treats them mean.

In short, parents and step-parents are people and there are all kinds of people. Some parents do well with being parents and some don't. Same can be said for step-parents.
It all boils down to the personalities of the adults and the children they interact with.

A couple of Christmas' ago, my older daughter gave my husband a decorative pillow that read "Any Man Can Be A Father, But It takes Someone Special To Be A DAD."

Answer 3

I was a step parent until I adopted my two sons that were my wife's. Their natural father abandoned them. But I am sure that I am not as close to them as a natural father would be. And since my wife and I divorced 10 years ago, and the sons are well grown now, 29 and 35, my relationship with them has diminished considerably. And it's o.k.

When we were married though, our relationships were fairly normal. The feelings were of course, different, but the responsibilities were the same. And I don't think that the step parent status or even adopted parent situation affected how they were treated by me. How they treated me was different for each of them. One treated me as a real Dad, but the older one had trouble with that. But he had trouble with a lot of things, most likely due to the emotions he was dealing with from his natural father abandoning him and his brother. The younger son was not so affected by this due to being too young to really realize what was going on.

I don't think that the unconditional love is nearly as possible for a step parent as it is for a natural parent to have. I know that in my case with my sons, it just isn't there. And I've come to accept that. It didn't change my attitudes towards what I should do to be a good parent to them. And to bring up a child well a love them appparently doesn't have to contain unconditional love, since it seems that the younger one is doing just fine in life. The older one though is in jail now and has suffered a life of troubles. I wish he was able to get over his emotional wounds of his natural father's actions. But since he's now an adult, it's really up to him, and I think it has been for a number of years now.

Answer 4

I am a step-parent. I loved it at first but my step-daughter now hates me! I think all the changes just put her off. I tried really hard to make sure I treated step children and my children the same. I don't think you love step children in the same way but its not necessarily less than your own children. Just different. The one thing I do know is that you notice faults in other peoples children much more easily than you do in your own children so you have to be very aware of that and act accordingly. I constantly had to think before opening my mouth whether I would be that cross/irritated/worried if it were my own kid. It still didn't work though - I doubt whether my step-daughter will ever like me.

Answer 5

Hi!

I've had a step parent and I would say that it is IMPOSSIBLE for them to feel unconditional love for a child that is not biologically theirs.

After all they fell in love with the parent, not the kids.

Plus they will ALWAYS treat you different.

If anything ever happened to my hubby, I've sworn that I will NEVER, EVER re-marry and put my kids through the trauma of having a stranger come into their lives and totally f*ck it up!

My God, it doesn't bear thinking about! Makes me shudder!!

Answer 6

i am a step parent. I have two wonderful step chilren and four children of my own. We raised them as brothers and sisters The word step was not allowed in are house cause you cant step on kids. Anyway to this day they fell like they are all from same family.My kids call there dad for fathers day birthday and when they need help. His does the same to me. The grandkid dont act like they know different where just grandparents to them and we have 18 of those some are step

Answer 7

i have a pretty shitty relationship with my step-mom, but my girlfriend has an awesome relationship with her step-dad. it can go either way and time is the only real answer. i would say initially it is in the hands of the parent, when my dad remarried and i suddenly had a new mom and two new siblings it was hard for me, ad that with the double standard that was definately present between me and my step siblings and you have a recipe for disaster. on the other hand if the step parent truely accepts their new child and has that love for them (even if it isn't as strong as the natural bond between blood relatives) i think a wonderful relationship can flourish.

Answer 8

I was 16 when my dad remarried and he wasn't truthful about everything and I think that may have affected our relationship. Thought because I was so old and had been with my mom for so long it would not be possible for that type of love. However I do think that if you are young enough and that step parent really takes care of you then it is possible.

Answer 9

I am a step parent. It is absolutely possible to have unconditional love for a child.

Answer 10

YES, my step- father is my "DAD", there is nothing in this world that will ever change that. He gave me away at my wedding with my father sitting in the back row. There is nothing that I would not do for him and nothing he would not do for me. He has been there when the only other person was my mother.
My daughters feel the same way about my late husband. We were married 8yrs. Most of their friends did not even know that he was their step-father until he died. They were both planning on having him give them away at their weddings and my youngest has been planning on naming her first son after him since she was 11yrs, (she is now 18).

Answer 11

Im a stepmum (and a Mum) I loved my step daughter but for a time it was conditional (i admit that)

I have now grown to love my step daughter unconditionally, i worry about her and miss her when shes not with us.
However i do not feel the same towards her as i do towards my own daughter who i carried and gave birth to and i know she does not feel the same towards me as she does to her Mum. But im not going to beat myself up about it, at the end of the day it doesnt really matter, she has a Mum and dad and im her Stepmum. We all have our roles to play.

If there is any bad feeling i have its towards her Mother (not because she was married to my husband before me or any bitterness like that) simply because shes not a good Mum and pushes her daughters responsibility to us and doesnt help support our decisions despite us asking her to. We then end up looking the bad ones because we have had to be firm and make a decision that my step daughter may not like, so she then runs to her Mother who denys all knowledge of it. I think she does this for brownie points.

I think if you are a step mum/dad and the biological mum/dad isnt around it is far easier and yes you can love your step children as you do your own, you take them on.
But when they are around you have to know your place and not cross the line, and that is very hard to do, i find it a constant fight almost between wanting to love them unconditionally and not being allowed to because really they are not yours to love, you just cant help it.