I need advice...How to get closure?

Question

I was in a LDR and we made plans to be together. During that time, he got in some trouble. Well that made me think long and hard about our relationship. Well anyway he decided to marry somebody else. He tried to keep it a secret, but his sister called to let me know. I did havea gut feeling that something was wrong. I stuck with him thru some hard times. Now that he seems to have his life together, I feel that I should've been the one he chose. I live 300 miles way. If he wanted to have me in his life, he would've gotten an apt for us and I know I could've found a job. The parents of his new wife bought them a car and an apt also. I beat myself up thinking that if I would've been with him, he wouldn't have done the things he did and I would've been the one he wanted to marry. What makes it so hard is that the last couple of conversations we had, he kept saying how he wished I was there and that he loved me so much.

Answer 1

OMG honestly if he's married and calling you he's a jerk. He's not worth it! Get out with some friends meet someone else! And when he calls don't talk to him! It's easier to get over them not having contact with them!!

Answer 2

You need to get over him. He might have had a secret affair with the girl he's marrying the whole time he was talking to you. Have you ever seen him?
You may have been there for him verbally throughout all his hard times - but who was there RIght By His Side? Was that you, or someone else?

If you want closure - call him and ask him why. Just let him know that you really cared for him and are broken-hearted about the fact that he didn't tell you about this other woman. That you though you would be the "one".

See what he says. If has no reply for you or doesn't talk to you about it then you need to just try to move on w/o that closure. It's hard, but everyone goes through it once.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to say this but, I think that YOU were the only one making the plans and we're being "strung" along. LDR require a lot of trust, patience and committment which is hard to come by- I'm sure you were in LOVE but, maybe he wasn't as in love with you, just the idea that you were waiting for him and wanted to be with him... Especially, if he chose to marry someone else.. I would maybe write him a letter with how you feel about him the good, the bad and the ugly.. Wait a month after you write it to send it and make it the last communication that you have with him.. Remember he is married and you should respect that bond that HE chose to have with someone else... You are right to think that if he really wanted to be with you he would've made more of an attempt for your affection, even if it meant moving, or cleaning up his act etc... Good luck and be well.

Answer 4

LDR are so hard - and I think it's even harder to get closure from them because missing them is so much a part of the relationship it makes it harder to sink in that they're no longer part of your life. I'm in a similar situation. I think you probably just have to face up to the fact that it doesn't matter what the reason is for it not working out, it didn't work out. You have to do what's best for you. What I find helps is not getting angry at him, and just trying to accept the situation for what it is. Try and find some good in the situation - work out what you've learned, how you can use it in your next relationship. I find it's easier if I can find something positive in an experience. It's kind of hard though. I guess we all have to find our own way through it.

I think distance doesn't end a relationship, it just exposes the cracks that would have appeared anyway.

Answer 5

All too often, this is a problem that tends to pervade LDR. He emotionally used you in order to further his own agenda. That gut feeling you had wasn't wrong at all.

I'm sorry this ended this way but it was for the best. Right now, he still has emotional chains on you because the last thing you probably said to you was that he loved you, and then tried to keep this new marriage a secret. What I would do is forgive him for what he did, and then forgive yourself. Everyone buys into emotional cheats, and your ex happened to be one.

Push those thoughts of him from your mind and focus on what you CAN have. Realize that if he was so low as to try to keep this marriage a secret from you, what else could he have been capable of? I would continue to look forward and be glad that you rid yourself of him.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you totally dodged a bullet with that guy!! Be thankful that you AREN'T with him Honey, because no matter who he was with, it sounds like he would have been doing stupid stuff regardless!! I stayed in a relationship with a "troubled" man because I loved him (and his kids who still call me "mom") for seven long years because I just wanted to try to rescue him from himself. Well, long story short, he's in jail now for like the tenth time since we split up over 11 years ago and he's a total screw up. I'm just glad I got out when I did before I wasted any more time than I already had, or else got dragged down with him!! You deserve a great guy, and there's one out there for you somewhere. Try to put this guy out of your head (and believe me, I know it's easier said than done!) and just move on with your life. Just stay busy with friends and family and people who care about you and RESPECT you!! Good luck to you and take care!!

Answer 7

He was playing you the whole time. LDR seldom work. Do you really believe a man is going to jerkoff just becasue he can't get to you? No, he's going to find a BEAVER somewhere. You should have just had fun with the LDR. Do your thing, he does his thing, and when the two of you hook up just be so dang on happy and make the best of it.

Answer 8

check the below link its good

http://workathomedatentryworks.blogspot.com

.